18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
15,366 Blog Posts

Forget About Fake News and Golden Showers, We Are on the Precipice of Dow 20,000

It’s time to unite around a singular event, a moment in time that will live in infamy for as long as time exists in a flat circle. Forget about the germaphobe in chief requesting Russian hookers to urinate on his face while dressed in anime costumes, or President Obama being a closet homosexual — who is married to a secret transvestite. The time for that jargon is over. The Dow Jones is within a spitting range of 20,000.

Don’t you fucking faggots see the beauty in that?

As for me, a very modest man, now retired from Wall Street who now makes a living fighting with strangers in the comments section of divisive news articles, I am buying all of the very worst stocks this country, and others, have to offer.

My uranium plays, $UEC and $URG, are gallantly sprinting ahead — while all of the others are doing their part as well — with marked exception of $ALNY. People might’ve figured out that they are, quite literally, the Charles Manson of biotech stocks. I digress.

The world is a chaotic place, filled with Islamic headcutters, globalist pigs, transgenders, and corrupt politicians. We, as a people, should unite to celebrate this moment in time — when the Dow Jones defied all of the news, both fake and real, and instead established greatness in the form of reaching a completely meaningless milestone.

After that, we can get back to slicing each others necks again.

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10 comments

  1. ericbakerbruce

    Very good. Let me start out by saying…wait for it…

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  2. ericbakerbruce

    I can’t bring myself to calling someone a pedophile, never mind.

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    • frog

      Well, you don’t have to, unless you believe all the lies and fake news that Bannon or Alex Jones or someone at Fox make up. There is no real pedophile scandal. Unless you think that pizza means the same thing as pedophile.

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      • dragun

        So you are refuting one of our intelligence agency’s glossary of terms and symbols as it relates to it? Yet we are to believe the Russian narrative from the same? Get you Sh*t sorted out.

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        • frog

          Our intelligence agency’s glossary of terms and symbols as it relates to a pedophile scandal based on references to pizza in emails? Please link to whatever you are taking about here. I find it hard to believe that there is any such thing.

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  3. jacked rabbit

    Shall we bow towards Wall Street each time the market passes through 20K? Or simply flip the bird toward Singapore’s way for Marc Faber?

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  4. john_galt

    your short-term gains are soon to be parted from yourself

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  5. it is showtime

    hi Barack Obama

    Really sorry! I still have many 2x 3x inverses. I know your index programming creates an artificial landscape awhile. You really haven’t scared me away though. Hope your dismay dwindles over time. Sire

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    • bob smith

      Dear Showtime,

      If you don’t start speaking English on this site, I am going to personally build a wall around you… and you’re going to pay for it.

      BS

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  6. riotact

    You still write some of the best shit I read daily. So, as much as I think you’ve lost your mind about Trump…. I still have to give you credit where it’s due.

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