CATASTROPHIC TRADE DATA OUT OF CHINA SENDS WORLD MARKETS DOWN THE DRAIN

I’m getting very bored with this jerk-off of a market — as we delicately saunter the outer edges of the toilet bowl — teasing if you will — the refuse that lies inside. The truth of the matter is, all of you are the refuse and need to be dumped into the fucking toilet bowl and flushed — expeditiously. Look, Hillary Clinton understands it better than I do and maybe she has more in common with me that I previously had analyzed. Either way, there is such a comeuppance looming, I can practically taste the margin calls.

Ninety-nine percent of you deserve to lose stark amounts of net worth — for being so god damned greedy when I told you: there’s a storm coming. All of these months, as you sashayed alongside the beach property, with your faggot friends, drinking champagne and gallivanting for swims with the jellied fish, I ate pieces of wood and giraffe — aboard the SS Ark — scowling at all you catamites near the shore.

Now that a category 20 hurricane is circling towards your nude resort, I can only smile at the carnage to come.

Chinese trade data came in…bad. Very fucking bad.

Key Points

Exports fell 10 percent from a year earlier in September, the customs administration said Thursday
Imports declined 1.9 percent
In yuan terms, shipments declined 5.6 percent, imports rose 2.2 percent
Trade surplus at $42 billion

Enough of the data. Markets run on emotions and Central Bank schemes. What we have taking place this evening is ordinary, run of the mill, downward spiraling action.  Dow futures are off by 125, WTI -1%, gold +0.6%, yen is rising and government bonds fucking soaring.

Per chance, do you know why the trade data was so very bad? I’ll give you a hint. It’s the same god damned reason why the Fed won’t raise rates in December.

FUCKING RECESSION.

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I can sit back, smoke my pipe, and enjoy the downward traversing of futures — bearing witness to real life ham and eggers play themselves like baboons in a zoo — losing vast sums of money and then telling the people on Bloomberg and CNBC that it’s a buying opportunity.

If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter