iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,411 Blog Posts

The Markets Have Spoken: Hillary Clinton Will Be the Next President of the United Steaks

Yes, indeud. After last night’s glowing performance, HRC, is well on her way towards ‘sealing the deal’ — becoming the first woman to lead our great oligarchy for at least the next 4 years.

The corporate media has anointed her, painting D.J. Trump as a tax evading klansman, who’s secretly disheveled and completely broke, wrought with onerous debt loads, hiding in corners inside of his $100 million penthouse. On the other hand, men like John Harwood, hard news guys who we all love and adore for their unbiased truisms, speak the truth about Hillary. She’ll enter the Presidency as the most accomplished and experienced person ever, well capable of dealing with pesky American jingoists, continuing the grande multi-cultural experience adopted by our first Hawaiian President, Barack Obama (please do not mention his middle name).

While oil might’ve collapsed today, down over 3%, stocks rose. With gains more than 120, one can only surmise that the ‘smart money’ is betting on a Clinton win, a triumphant victory over the evil forces of the ‘alt-right’, an insidious group of clown-bloggers not seen since the early Nazi days in Germany, 1930’s.

Some assholes might try to soil on the party, saying ‘but only 60% of stocks were higher today.’ I advise you to hurt those people and buy their shorts. Maybe if they get burned once or twice, they won’t touch something so hot again.

I need to head out now. Rejoice and celebrate the virtues of man, whilst holding in your disgusting inborn racism that keeps haranguing this nation’s true potential and goal towards an effervescent utopian society.

Comrades,

Fly

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27 comments

  1. helicopter ben

    HEIL HILLARY!

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  2. riotact

    Short WW3 stocks!

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  3. it is showtime

    How many hours till Deutsche Bank matters again. 24? 70? …73?

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  4. peso trader

    Look for a new box on you pay stub for your Clinton foundation deduction, right under the dental insurance line

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  5. the dude

    Trump. Weak. Very weak. No stamina. Believe me.
    But thanks, DT, for the rally that will ensue.

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  6. brvalentine

    That outcome was determined years ago.

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  7. ironbird

    Bobble heads are souvenirs that can easily break when dropped or simply tipped over. Crazy times.

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  8. tha pirate

    One of the greatest posts of all time from the Cap’n laddies, I raise my mug ta yee Cap’n! Arrrrrrrr.

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  9. cancel19

    I don’t know but this Baphomet cunt as president makes me want to get the hell in the Ark and not come out till the coast is cleared.

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  10. one-eighty

    Better than the alternative.

    My favourite part of the debate was when Donald said that jetting into Detroit and Philadelphia for a few hours before going back to his Manhatten penthouse gave him a profound understanding of the problems in the black community.

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  11. t.c.

    Great post!

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  12. braveflaps

    DO YOU REALIZE HOW MANY SOVIET SLEEPERS WERE LAUNCHED BY TRUMP LAST NIGHT??

    ROSIE O”DONNELLS ACTIVATED EN MASSE!

    CALLING ALL JAN MICHAEL VINCENTS!!

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  13. rochester

    Donald, Donald, Donald… after all that huffing and puffing the best you could do was to sniffle your way to the worst debate performance since Dukakis? BTW, he too had small hands.

    Trump tired after the first-round, like Foreman against Ali, demonstrating his lack of stamina and understanding of most major issues. He repeated himself again and again like the over- ripe septuagenarian he is. Even if you hate Hillary you must give her props for not folding under the pressure which likely would have sealed her fate. Trump choked, pure and simple.

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  14. juice

    Hillary was a lifeless bag’o nails, mindlessly repeating her weeks worth of mock debate points like an android who needed a nap.

    Trump, I thought came off surprisingly well and was the far superior candidate but not a one of the various vote-Hillary forms of media, saw it that way. Made me think the entire country is on some sort of mind-controlled fentanyl-laced dope.

    What can ya do .. if the bitch wins, so be it. What she hasn’t done in the last 30 years, she ain’t go make happen in the next four.

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    • ironbird

      Nice Juice. That pesky elephant fentanyl. Wonder how that magically ends up on every corner. Total mystery.

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    • freebie

      If you can’t see that she slyly schooled him, you missed the real debate. She put out the bait to make him look bad and he took it, hook line and sinker. It was professional litigator vs bad TV personality, what do you expect?

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      • ironbird

        For the love of God fuck off you tool. Enough. No one gives a shit about a robot liar that annihilates the world. Ban this pos.

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        • freebie

          Not only that, but she anticipated all of his jabs and had prepared comebacks, especially the one about preparing for the job. Trump is done, she’s just getting warmed up. And no, I wont get banned because i’m a distinguished gentleman of Exodus. Remember ironbird – keep the politics out of Exodus, sometimes you forget the rules.

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        • ironbird

          Jesus Christ you people are a scourge. This is not about politics.

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        • ironbird

          cancel. No but the dudette could be a silent one. This place is a business and a good one. Triggering these sociopaths is easy tho. 40 something days to go brother. Into the abyss.

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  15. stockslueth

    I wanted real change on how this country is governed. As everyone knows, Hillary is the status quo and Trump was the outsider and the agent for change. But as it turns out Trump is deeply flawed and isn’t the right person to lead this country. Hillary will muddle through and accomplish nothing. I hope she is held to one term before someone else emerges to lead this country in the way it should be led.

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    • moosh

      I’m giving the Donald another chance. That was his first debate against a career long CIA trained politician on who knows what kind of nootropics/drugs. Let’s see how he learns.

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