iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,474 Blog Posts

Record Highs Abound, New Levels Explored in this Historic Version of Americana

We are making history today. The jobs market is raging hot. If you were to touch it in an attempt to test its temperature, it’d melt the skin right off your dirty paws.

Everything traded up today, in a continuation of embellished hedonism. Profits are flowing freely. Men with topped hats and canes are walking about the thoroughfare with their wives behind them draped in jewels and the heads of foxes. Everything you thought you knew about economics, taught to you by old guard professors in college, was a lie. Supply and demand only matter when the economy isn’t being managed by professionals.

Bear in mind, there will be a plethora of haters out there, persons of grave disinterest trying to defecate on this grandiose display of American exceptionalism. But, rest assured, profits will be ‘enjoyed’ by those brave enough to venture out into the woods. At first glance, said woods look haunted and wrought with flesh eating ghouls. But upon further inspection, it’s actually a paradise with dick sucking butterflies and marijuana-scented aromas permeating the environs.

The negative rate situation in Europe and Japan have been alleviating in recent days. Additionally, crude oil has bounced and earnings have come in better than expected.

NOTHING AT ALL can stop this market. You may fashion yourselves to be learned men, or even cynics who live in a state of denial. But the record highs in front of your faces are very much real, indeud. Anything to suggest these profits of enjoyment are undeserved– or the result of wanton manipulation– is blasphemous slander and falls in under, and in accordance with, rules and regulations against American rights to make a decent wage and to live comfortably under the umbrella of one big fucking giant government tit.

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19 comments

  1. infinitezuul

    Obama still in office = Markets going up

    He has no real legacy besides being the first only half white president and having a market fueled by steroids. He’s going to make sure the latter is flexed to the max.

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  2. Dr. Fly

    Sorry for the super racist and XENOPHOBIC picture.

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  3. Marc David

    My mama said knock you out! Terrible song. I’ll never recover. Thanks LL

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  4. it is showtime

    Over

    *650*

    Global rate cuts since crash

    That*is*the*real*story*not*lol*exceptionalism*lol
    (of course no headline or person takes that into account when mentioning index levels)

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  5. helicopter ben

    The pe ratio of the s and p reached almost 35 before any real excess started. With rates near zero and no credit issues until 2017. What is the reason the market couldn’t go up much higher into the year end?

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  6. badduck

    Dick sucking butterflies lol

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  7. og

    USA USA!

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  8. arnoldsimage

    It appears that you and Mr. Tim Knight have thrown in the towel. I believe that’s my cue. Going short.

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  9. heckler

    Dripping wet with satire I believe you have it right here Herr Fly. It whets my desire to own more stocks indeud. It is, after all, an American and correct God given right to prosper during these times, for no fucking reason. Or maybe that is the reason? FIG prose – back in action to celebrate our momentous gains!!

    Off to take a walk in the wilderness. “Here butterfly butterfly.”

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  10. peso trader

    Some really good jazz documentaries:
    http://www.npr.org/series/10208861/npr-s-jazz-profiles

    I’m still discouraged that the media gets to decide who’s president, why bother following politics.

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  11. moosh

    What a perfect cap on all of the posts today. Thanks Fly!

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  12. heaterman

    All of this is contrived to distract from what is really going on. Namely, HRC assuming the throne in Washington DC.

    1) Shawn Lucas, Sanders supporter who served papers to DNC on the Fraud Case (DateOfDeath: August 2, 2016)

    2) Victor Thorn, Clinton author (and Holocaust denier, probably the least credible on this list) shot himself in an apparent suicide. Conspiracy theorists at Mystery Writers of America said some guys will do anything to sell books. (DOD August, 2016)

    3) Seth Conrad Rich, Democratic staffer, aged 27, apparently on his way to speak to the FBI about a case possibly involving the Clintons. The D.C. murder was not a robbery. (DOD July 8, 2016)

    4) John Ashe, UN official who allegedly crushed his own throat while lifting weights, because he watched too many James Bond films and wanted to try the move where the bad guy tries to…oh, never mind. “He was scheduled to testify against the Clintons and the Democrat Party.” (DOD June 22, 2016)

    5) Mike Flynn, the Big Government Editor for Breitbart News. Mike Flynn’s final article was published the day he died, “Clinton Cash: Bill, Hillary Created Their Own Chinese Foundation in 2014.” (DOD June 23, 2016)

    I find it highly implausible these events are mere random occurrences.
    I’ll just leave that here now….

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  13. arnoldsimage

    I understood your sarcasm. A bit harsh in the reply?

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  14. Dr. Fly

    If you’re looking for a nice guy, you’ve come to the wrong castle.

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