Yardeni Prison Smacks Bears, Claims the S&P Has 10% Upside From Current Levels

One of the mechanics from Fast Money tried to get technical on Ed, citing the indelible fact that all world markets look like a flaming bag of refuse and that the SPY had the look of a rolling top. Yardeni was having none of that shit. He stood up and cold prison smacked the bear for even uttering the words ‘rolling top.’

In all truthfulness, Yardeni is as smart as a bag of moon rocks in the sun. Nevertheless, the man has an intense following, almost as popular as President Nixon did after the Watergate scandal.

He’s always worth a listen, especially if you’re deaf.

Some of you might pine for Nike Air Jordan’s because you bought them when you were young, healthy, and with hair. Aside from the donning of rubber sneakers on grown men being nothing short of infantile, consider the reliance that both Nike and FL have on Michael Jordan, a brand that grosses $2.6 billion in revenues per annum.

What if Mike went OJ and cut someone’s head off? Then what? Then you’re fucked.

Both Nike and FL are shorts, in my opinion, for a sundry of reasons. Personally, I believe the NBA is a laughable farce. I never liked the sport, always felt my time was better off doing anything at all but basketball. Okay, the truth is I once started to play basketball as a teenager and had my face split open for me on the rock head of my best friend. Aside from that, basketball hasn’t been good since Larry Johnson hit a 4 pointer in the Knicks playoff’s winship.

Cramer has turned negative on the group, beguiled by the uncertainty of a sector that is dependent upon a criminal element in the culture to spur sales.

Let it be known that profound piker extraordinaire, Jeff Immelt, CEO of GE, purchased 67,600 shares of his companies stock, on May the 20th, 2016, in an effort to look like he’s doing something. Rumor has it, Jeff just gallivants around the office all day, polishing up Jack Welch’s trophies and talking shit about Six Sigma management style, in an effort to fit in with the rest of the execs.

Also, I have heard rumors about the internets that Jeff had to borrow the $2 million or so from one of his neighbors to buy the stock, as all of his liquid assets are tied up in some scheme that one of his half-wit cousins got him involved in.

The conversation went something like this:

Jeff: Hi neighbor, can I borrow a cup of two million dollars?

Neighbor: Sure, Jeff. I hope it’s to buy some of that GE stock of yours.

Jeff: Thank ya neighbor. I’ll be sure to give you back the 2 million in a few weeks or so, after I cash my tax check. It’s mighty fine of you to just let me borrow the millions.

Neighbors: No problem. Take your time Jeff.

GE’s stock is down 3.2% for the year, an embarrassment of monumental proportions.

The very first thing I wanted to see this morning was the market, 800-900 points lower. Instead, it gapped up by 200. I wanted to be skeptical. Bear in mind, I haven’t any skin in the game, ever since burning out like a race car engine in 2015. Since that momentous occasion, I’ve favored a more reasonable, disastrous scenario and was entreated to a small appetizer of it in early 2016.

Markets dropped like a fat man having a heart attack and I was delighted, not because I benefitted by it in any way, but because I wanted the world to burn (extra Joker). But today’s action is very strong and very convincing. If I was managing money today, I’d likely allocate a bunch of money into the stupidest stocks in the world, only to get blown to smithereens before settlement day. Or, I might just profit by it, grotesquely, then go brag to my idiot friends about how smart I was for buying stocks into a feverish lift.

Who wants to read about some skeptic on a joyous 200 point rally day? It’s like gathering around the fireside during Xmas festivities to tell the kids that Santa is a farce.

Enjoy the day. “The Fly” was wrong in his short term calls of apocalypse. But he will be right in the end, just know that.

Remember when America was a tired, rustbelt laden, country of Walmart eating fat pigs, bloated with 39% credit card debt?

Well, those days are seemingly behind us.

Credit card utilization has fallen to its lowest point on record, at just 22.3%, further emboldening the idea that the American consumer is a miserly, miserable sort, always Scrooging about the thoroughfare in search of discounts.

Total available credit spiked to a record high of $2.5 trillion, none of which will be spent at the mall.

On one hand, this all bodes very well for the balance sheets of Americans. On the other, it speaks to a profound change in the American culture. We’ve become a lot of organic chicken eating cheapskates, too busy partaking in evening jogs and yoga classes than to spend all of our fuck you money at the mall.

Basically, we’ve become Japan.

Sixty two billion is chicken feed for the bird brains over at Monsanto. Plainly and without equivocation, they rejected the Bayer Aspirin companies repulsive, $62 billion, all cash offer.

With Monsanto under their wings, the Bayer folks might inject their GMO technology into their line of polyurethane foam products, in order to convert ordinary Americans into monsters.

Word on the street is that Monsanto wants more money, a lot more money.

Bayer on Monday made public its offer of $122 a share in cash, or a 37 percent premium. Monsanto shares rose 1.9 percent to $108 at 11:53 a.m. in New York. A representative at Monsanto declined to comment. Reuters reported the Monsanto board’s decision earlier on Tuesday.

Bayer will likely come back with a higher bid, Jonas Oxgaard, an analyst with Sanford C. Bernstein & Co. in New York, said Tuesday in a note, adding that an offer below $135 per share would be “challenging” for Monsanto to agree to.

Shares of MON are higher by 2.5% to $109.

BCEI shares are undergoing a ‘Bonanza’ of selling this morning, after a redetermination of their finances revealed they were fucked. Their line of credit was slashed from $475 mill to $200 mill.

This is a small taste of what is soon to come to the oil patch, come 2017.

The Borrowing Base under the Credit Agreement was reduced from $475 million to $200 million, which amount will remain in effect until it is redetermined or adjusted in accordance with the Credit Agreement and will continue to be secured by certain of the Company’s Oil and Gas Properties.

As of May 20, 2016, the Company had $288 million in borrowings outstanding under the Credit Agreement and no outstanding letters of credit. As a result of this May 2016 redetermination, the Company now has a Borrowing Base Deficiency of $88 million. The Company received notice of this deficiency on May 20, 2016. The Company is currently in compliance with all of the Credit Agreement’s financial and non-financial covenants.
Under the terms of the Credit Agreement, the Company must pursue one of the following options to address the Borrowing Base Deficiency: (A) within 20 days after the Deficiency Notice Date, deliver to the Administrative Agent written notice of the Company’s election to repay Advances such that the Borrowing Base Deficiency is cured within 30 days after the Deficiency Notice Date; (B) pledge, within 30 days after the Deficiency Notice Date, additional Oil and Gas Properties acceptable to the Lenders, which the Lenders deem sufficient in their sole discretion to eliminate the Borrowing Base Deficiency; (C) within 20 days after the Deficiency Notice Date, deliver to the Administrative Agent written notice of the Company’s election to repay Advances in six monthly installments equal to one-sixth of the Borrowing Base Deficiency, with the first such installment due 30 days after the Deficiency Notice Date and each following installment due 30 days after the preceding installment; or (D) within 20 days after the Deficiency Notice Date, deliver to the Administrative Agent written notice of the Company’s election to combine the options in clause (B) and (C) above, and indicating the amount to be repaid in installments and the amount to be provided as additional Collateral.

These are fantastic new home sales numbers, at 619k for the month of April, compared to estimates of 520k.

This, coupled with the great earnings out of TOL this morning , is providing extreme buoyancy to the homebuilder sector.

The early leaders are TOL, KBH, TPH and HOV.

For the year, however, this has been a bedraggled sector, down more than 9%.

These were the best sales figures for a month since 2008.

Financials are up 1.2%. Oil stocks are down. Gold and silver are getting fucking hammered. Tech and healthcare are higher by 1%. Home builders are higher by 1.4%. And, lastly, semis are higher by 1.2%.

I hate to be that guy defecating on the parade, but breadth stands at an abysmal 45%.

Should I even talk about the greet number of awesome and amazing stocks that aren’t rallying with the broader markets, or should I just wait until the indices soften and then say “Ah-ha, I told you so?!”

The Bank of Japan is sick and tired of buying ETFs that have asshole companies, who don’t like to spendthrift their money on stuff, anymore. To remedy this problem, they’re created their own ETFs, weighted with good, wholesome, companies who spend lots of money on capex and wages.

The new custom-made ETFs track the following indexes: the MSCI Japan Human and Physical Investment Index, the JPX/S&P Capex & Human Capital Index, and the Nomura Enterprise Value Allocation Index.

This is truly unbelievable, a perversion of capitalism if I’ve ever seen it. The BOJ will never be able to exit their ETF investments. They already own titanic sized positions in their publicly traded stocks, via their ETF buying programs. In many cases, they own upwards of 60% of all shares in these baskets. It truly is an untenable situation being made progressively worse by the explicit and wanton manipulation of the Japanese stock market and economy.