Giant Piker, Jeffrey Immelt, Bought 67,600 Shares of $GE on May the 20th, 2016

Let it be known that profound piker extraordinaire, Jeff Immelt, CEO of GE, purchased 67,600 shares of his companies stock, on May the 20th, 2016, in an effort to look like he’s doing something. Rumor has it, Jeff just gallivants around the office all day, polishing up Jack Welch’s trophies and talking shit about Six Sigma management style, in an effort to fit in with the rest of the execs.

Also, I have heard rumors about the internets that Jeff had to borrow the $2 million or so from one of his neighbors to buy the stock, as all of his liquid assets are tied up in some scheme that one of his half-wit cousins got him involved in.

The conversation went something like this:

Jeff: Hi neighbor, can I borrow a cup of two million dollars?

Neighbor: Sure, Jeff. I hope it’s to buy some of that GE stock of yours.

Jeff: Thank ya neighbor. I’ll be sure to give you back the 2 million in a few weeks or so, after I cash my tax check. It’s mighty fine of you to just let me borrow the millions.

Neighbors: No problem. Take your time Jeff.

GE’s stock is down 3.2% for the year, an embarrassment of monumental proportions.