Shocker: China’s Analysts Are the Worst in the World

Analysts in China were off by a larger margin for their stock predictions than any other developed country in the world. According to Bloomberg, based off the recommendations of more than 2,000 stocks, these morons were off by 43%.

Let it sink in and wait for it.

“The capital market is hardly predictable,” said Zheng Chunming, a Shanghai-based analyst at Capital Securities Corp.

Horseshit. Of course it’s predictable, if you know what you’re doing.

And here it comes.

“The largest companies on there are owned by the government essentially,” he said in an interview in New York. “The government can tell them what to do — for example, no insider selling at all. They did that for a while last year.”

Ah, ha!

See, the analysts weren’t wrong about their stock predictions. The Chinese nation is home to some of best intellects in the world. Their work ethic is renowned for being superb. Their efficiency in mathematics and the sciences is legendary. So how could they be so wrong on giving stock advice?

BECAUSE THEY ARE DECEIVING YOU ON PURPOSE. One of the first things a Chinese analyst learns to do, when raised in a Chinese equity analyst camp, is to lie. They are fed such lies from the federal government, whose mandates must be followed to the tee, otherwise, an electric powered execution van (save the planet) will visit said analyst for expeditious organ harvestation and subsequent liquidation.

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