iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
22,040 Blog Posts

THE CITY SQUARE IS BUSTLING WITH NEWLY MINTED EUNUCHS

Ladies and gentlemen,

This isn’t supposed to make sense. The market was down 120 before the Fed meeting and stocks were sucking dick. Then, the statement came out, which removed the word patient, and for reasons unbeknownst to anyone, the market took off like a fucking raging bull out from hell.

We can hem and haw all day, thinking of reasons for this glorious occurrence. But anything that we say will get condensed to one simple, unalienable fact: there’s a conspiracy to induce malcontents of our society to sell short stocks. Once those malcontents are firmly embedded in their shorts, government goons arrest them and usher them into the city square, for immediate and irreversible penis decapitation.

The city square is bustling with dismembered lads, running about the boulevard with Rickard Santelli autographed head-shots, tucked neatly inside of today’s issue of The Zerohedge.

As fate would have it, oil and gold are leading the way higher. Resist the temptation of buying those sectors. Stick to what’s working.

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6 comments

  1. darkpain

    Important information for those short:

    http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/03/13/us-safrica-penis-transplant-idUSKBN0M91YN20150313

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  2. berniecornfeld

    At some point we will need more tinder….there just arent enough bear

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  3. it is showtime

    Oh look

    I had $ set aside for any bump back to 2117
    I didn’t lose any money today. Oh wow
    Look at that !

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  4. matt_bear

    corks.

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  5. fatted calf

    Anyone that thought they had an edge knowing “patient” would be removed is a god forsaken idiot!! Deep pocketed buyers initiated pre-fed in the same exact place they have for the last 3 days. Forest for the trees people.

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  6. zheeeem

    Why is Santelli even on TV? He’s been wrong for 6 years straight, each and every day.

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