iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,423 Blog Posts

The Drama, It’s Almost Too Much to Bear

The drama queens are out in full force today, in light of this morning’s robust jobs report. All of a sudden, rates are on the cusp of skyrocketing, which will, in turn, plunge the US economy into the deepest depression since 2008. The same people who just got new jobs, ironically, will lose them in fairly short order, after the Fed jacks up rates and completely demolishes the US economy.

After that, ISIS will sail across the Mediterranean sea, with make-shift boats made from severed heads, and burn down the city of Rome. Then, they will make their way down to Vatican City, where they will behead the Pope and fly their black flag atop St. Peter’s Basilica.

Shortly thereafter, Janet Yellen will have an epiphany, during a podiatrist appointment, and intervene in the markets by starting another round of QE, which will, in turn, reverse the depression, kill ISIS, and rebuild the city of Rome to its former glory.

FML

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17 comments

  1. helicopter ben

    Also the pope will be reincarnated by QE…

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  2. J Adabese (your pen pal)
    J Adabese (your pen pal)

    Indeud Le Fly, Indeud.

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  3. vat

    In a world of “I don’t give a $*!<s" I was thinking similar thoughts. You sir must have ESPN2. I would add that Reggie be allowed to retire as a Colt.

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    • Dr. Fly

      I stopped watching sports when I became an adult.

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      • helicopter ben

        Interesting, I would say watching sports on TV and playing video games has decreased for me by at least 90% since graduating college…

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      • TJWP

        Don’t lie. When were you ever a child?

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      • TheHarper

        The best reply you’ve ever had. love it. I feel the same way.

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      • thomasjefferson
        thomasjefferson

        A hilarious comment, and a good one. I think it explains the appeal of football. Everyone talks about fantasy and gambling, but i think it’s the fact that my wife likes football, and we can take my son to the bar & grille and watch football for a few hours while he runs around among the adults who think he’s hilarious. Conversely, I’ve watched less than 9 innings of baseball in the last 2 years and maybe 10 hours of college basketball (I used to watch 10 hours a week before I got grown up).

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  4. carolina

    priceless

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  5. newbalance

    Oil prices remain in tension between cyclical forces and secular trends…the dominant secular trend should continue to prevail..even after the dollar peaked in March ’85 oil kept drifting lower for another 16 months until July ’86..

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  6. pyromonoxide

    for all that carnage I’m up a percent on HABT and QIWI today, you still holding HABT? I”m still holding some russian stocks because Putin keeps winning, and I’m a degenerate.

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  7. zuul

    lol

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  8. Marc David

    Jobs #’s look good as people fall off the radar. The jobs to be had are retail, seasonal, and such. Wages are stagnated. Nice rosey picture but the working class ain’t buying the headlines.

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  9. og

    I’m now hearing today marks the AAPL top. Jesus.

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