iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,492 Blog Posts

MOAR WAR IS GOOD

Celebrating America’s 14th consecutive year at war, President Obama asked congress for permission (lolz) to attack ISIS. What’s especially innovative about this new enemy is the sheer stupidity of it. After we left Iraq, a power vacuum was established. All of the crazies broke out from prison and took up arms in the name of a mythical creature.

These escapees soon banded together to form a standing army and carved out their own little paradise on earth, known as The Islamic State. In their spare time, they get to toss homosexuals off roof tops, stone women to death, and behead countless infidels for not praying to the correct mythical creature.

Now enter the US military apparatus. We’ve had a rough time dealing with terrorist organizations because they like to blend in with civilians and blow up cafes when we least expect it. But this ISIS group isn’t into subtlety. They actually believe that their stupid little army of roaming idiots can stand up to the full might and power of the largest military-industrial complex the world has ever known. We are going to slaughter them by the bushel. Their guts will be used to grease the treads of our tanks (extra Patton).

This battle to come against the dumbest army on the planet is going to top off Obama’s legacy as the single best Commander in Chief since FDR. Not only that, the Dow Jones Industrial Average will soar because of it, paving the way for a future Presidency for none other than Mrs. Michelle Obama.

If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter

32 comments

  1. berniecornfeld

    FIG!

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  2. cashmoney

    Thank you America. You guys always take one for the team and let the world hate you. With love, Canada

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  3. Marc David

    But I already voted for Hilary? Good news is.. none of the stickers on the Prius that say Obama/Biden will need to be replaced. Thus saving precious materials!

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
    • mr. nakata

      I laughed

      • 0
      • 0
      • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
    • pirate

      We can have Bush, Clinton and Obama Dynasties rule now forever… Yay! (extra homo)
      Let’s just skip voting next time, and we can let the government/media complex pick out one of the family dynasty descendants from a hat and choose our next Empr- er, I mean President.

      • 0
      • 0
      • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  4. evilspeculator

    “they like to blend in with civilians and blow up cafes when we least expect it”

    So when should we expect cafés to be blown up? Just asking as I enjoy my daily café con leche…

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  5. speerothekid

    this is why i read this blog

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  6. UncleBuccs

    I believe ISIS is just another tool to justify the wars that will result in “democracy” in countries that aren’t playing ball.

    Check out this 30 sec vid from Libya: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnDUS-MR2g8

    Stormclouds gathering gets it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMjXbuj7BPI

    During his trial, Slobodan Milosevic tried to warn the world that muslim radicals were being used to instigate civil wars. Testimony given before mysterious death. http://i.imgur.com/saKx6Pm.jpg

    http://www.icdsm.com/more/milosevic-bc2.htm

    And don’t forget, Reagan even had the Taliban in the White House, while calling them “Afghan Freedom Fighters” and the equivalent to our “Founding Fathers” http://12160.info/photo/us-president-ronald-reagan-meeting-with-the-taliban

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  7. juicy lickhermore

    weathervane foreign policy *wacked right out of their skulls, man*

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  8. gappingandyapping

    You mean Mr. Michelle 0bama

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  9. eastbamatrader

    Not sure what the future holds, but the military base nearby has been doing lots of firing and exercises lately. I could hear the faint booms til around midnight last night.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  10. montrose

    They also dress in black – in the desert. Smart.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  11. teslawasright

    You know better than that Le Fly

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  12. vandamme

    Post of the mother f’in year right there, sir Fly!!

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  13. thegametheorist

    what a great read as usual. none other than mrs michelle obama would approve

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  14. pyromonoxide

    I bought some L-Mart, (LMT, your one stop shop for drones, missiles, and all kinds of fun ways to cause devastation) last month in case war broke out. It’s shaping into a decent bet!

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
    • pyromonoxide

      I bet there are nice, higher beta plays in the war game arena to tease out of the PPT and iBankcoin though.

      • 0
      • 0
      • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
    • Dr. Fly

      L Mart: love t. I am going to re-explore the military industrial complex and position for the 100 years of total war to come.

      • 0
      • 0
      • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  15. frog

    Say what you will about how ISIS “beheads countless infidels for not praying to the correct mythical creature.”

    But if Christians beheaded everyone who wasn’t Christian, there would be a lot more Christians. It’s a very efficient method of keeping anyone from leaving a religion, and also for getting new converts. Suddenly everyone who crosses your path is a member of your religion– at least the ones who remain alive are.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  16. pirate

    isis is a SICK evil bunch of bastards – but they are stupid and weak. The REAL threat – Iran and it’s growing capacity to build Atomic weapons and ICBM’s is 1000 times more clever, more powerful and more dangerous.
    Of course instead of putting pressure on Iran to stop, he is putting pressure on Israel to stop TALKING about the problem!

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  17. smartestone

    futures dropping like a stone hmmm

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  18. pirate

    What’s more dangerous, a moronic group of 12th century idiots in pajamas, declaring war on the entire world who make no attempt to hide their savagery? Or a nation which has orbital capacity, has taken over Yemen, Syria, Lebanon(through Hezbullah) and soon Iraq… which also has a nuclear weapons program? Just as Bush foolishly went into Iraq instead of Iran, D.C. once again is keeping it’s eye on the WRONG ball…

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  19. doubleplus

    Hear, hear. As a current member of this “largest military-industrial complex the world has ever known,” I should mention that if we commit to eradicating the Islamic State – which could be a lot of fun, honestly, since their ideological fighters are beyond any rehabilitation or societal reconciliation – then we also buy the responsibility of fixing Syria. And good luck with that shit. But hopefully we unleash the Kraken and the Dow rips, in any case.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  20. budh

    All we need to do is support Jordan, who is mad as hell for having their pilot burned alive in that cage. Jordan along with the Kurds and Iraqi army can do the job. Islamic state has no airforce, no air cover, no chance.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  21. ironbird

    This tape is as trustworthy as a prepaid crack whore.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  22. J Adabese (your pen pal)
    J Adabese (your pen pal)

    I was just given a new Surface tablet through work. My first bookmark on it was http://www.ibankcoin.com

    Indeud.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"