PANIC STRIKES THE HOUSE OF FLY

To borrow a phrase from Mrs. Fly, “I just had a vision” that I lost all of my profits after gloating about them, clad in a white robe, listening to gangster rap music–choking on the same incense that has cloaked my locale for decades. The scene was as real as the hand in front of my face.

There I was talking to myself, watching the markets scream lower. All of my gains vanished like heterosexuality in California. I laughed, then cried, then laughed some more. Is it possible that my 20% gains can vanish again, just like the past two years?

Absolutely.

Not only is it possible, but given my recent track record, it is likely to happen.

I AM HEXED BY POWERFUL WARLOCKS, WHO ARE INTENT IN DESTROYING ME.

I will punch said warlocks with powerful uppercuts to the scrotum, if given the opportunity.

I take these “visions” very seriously, as they’ve guided me through life, helping me dodge near death experiences and absolute ruin on several occasions–permitting me to nuclear bomb my enemies by surprise numerous times. I am going to expedite my exit from the markets; however, reserving the right to exercise my fist punching skills for special situations, or partaking in revenge, malicious trades to further my financial standing.