iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,440 Blog Posts

GET YOUR FUCKING PENCILS CRACKED

You can’t win in this tape, unless you are long PEP and other “wheeled chair” stocks. I don’t really feel bad about selling my old man stocks because EXK, AG and WNR did good today, all in all. But, everything else is a fucking circle jerk.

Go ahead and short Europe, Spain slices your body in half, up 4% for the day. Would you prefer the haven of safety that is The United Steaks of America? Sure, buy some.

YOU GET YOUR DICKS CHOPPED OFF.

Would you prefer to bet against stocks, through the explicit and gluttonous purchases of TZA,TVIX or VXX–LMAOMGROFLCOPTER??!!!

YOU GET YOUR DICKS CHOPPED OFF.

Hey, I got an idea. Why don’t you play the Facebook and buy some Yelp?

Do I need to say it?

I lost 0.65% today because that’s what I do, pal. I am a magician. I take the money and make that shit disappear. POOF!

Now I’ve been very patient with the market and have even started to consult my Voodoo Physician again, who, by the way, is telling me to make human sacrifices, as “it is the only way.” But I need a break here. I will not beg for stocks to go higher, because I am above that and really harbor deep seated resentment towards my occupation.

INSTEAD, I fucking demand stocks trade higher and immediately.

Starting with tonight’s sunset, “The Fly” is back in his 1980’s stretch limo, throwing jumping jacks at people on the outside. I won’t even look out of the windows when I do it too, so it’s russian roulette for you fucking pedestrians. Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and hit Jamie Dimon with a pack of lady fingers.

Okay, it all boils down to this: I am buying even more YELP on this dip. I added to the position today and have begun buying options too. I have a bowling ball with STOPPELMAN’S face on it. That nerdy fucker better smash earnings this quarter, else it’s off to the padded room for yours truly again, dressed in the finest sleeveless dinner jacket money can buy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdFvsleXjso

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33 comments

  1. johnny711

    what is your reason for buying yelp other than you use it and like it… they are over valued unless you are counting on a buy out. Its can’t be earnings they have none, can’t be revenue its lame, can’t be lack of competition its everywhere and growing. So why ?

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  2. alex zamensky

    Fly, I have come to really admire your style and analysis, but what is your obsession with Yelp? There are dozens of social media stocks you can play, nearly all are performing better. You have been averaging down since $25+, and you see to own an outrageous amount of one company that the entire stock market is now consistently betting against. And the shareholder lockup hasn’t even expired yet– high volume brings this stock down. FB IPO is IMO already priced in to these stocks (read:no impact), and has no fundamental relationship with Yelp besides both being graduates of Web 2.0’s first graduating class.

    All your other trades seem to be damn smart, but this singular focus on one stock is weird, if nothing else.

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    • The Fly

      BANNED II

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      • The Fly

        Cost basis is 22.5. I eat your liver in the end.

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        • alex zamensky

          You’ll eat my liver because I’m encouraging you to diversify your social media portfolio and stop throwing your money after a losing position? douchey but funny.

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  3. Donkey Punch

    The market will rally, incredibly, right up until the next Greek elections, when it becomes clear that they Greek people prefer mass national suicide to… not rioting? The fact is that they prefer suicide, and will elect an increasingly anti-bailout govt until it has enough seats to drop the euro…

    Now that’s when everything gets really bad. But don’t worry about that until it happens, or a week earlier, because as I said, the market will rally until then.

    The thoughts of one who punches donkeys, square in the face.

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  4. COCKMAN5000

    Yea bro wtf is it with you and Yelp? I’d rather drag my balls through a thousand miles of broken glass than buy that stock over its competitors.

    ” Fuck da police I ain’t never goin back”
    -John Lennon

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  5. Rhino

    I too tire of waiting but a victory is in sight. I’ll be posting about some of DrBigBoss’s value positions later that I put my clients monies in. I covered almost all of my shorts today and look to buy more tech on dips with the impending IPO of Zuck’s Juggernaut. What do you think the market looks like tomorrow? Friday sell-off?

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  6. Hawaiifive0

    I’ll be using YELP again this weekend.

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  7. admin

    Seriously, don’t talk shit about $YELP, people. Fly just had me ban those three guys.

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  8. Mr. Partridge

    JPM news out… not looking good

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    • dave

      $4 Billy loss making loans in excess of actual worth and lying about it. Why are these guys still in business? A rhetorical question of course.

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    • Dr Funk

      Some people see bad news as good news

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  9. Dr Funk

    Someone took a punch at jpm

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  10. johnny711

    just was asking what your reasoning for loading boat with yelp… wtf

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  11. mike

    GSVC getting diced after hours ~ no news!

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    • The Fly

      SECONDARY

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      • mike

        Consistent secondary dillution makes this thing hard to own. To announce it now really sucks! Money is comming in from FB since Moe said they will sell any stock from the portolio that an investor can own on their own. A public FB means they will sell it and redeploy the proceeds elswhere.

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      • Gravestonedoji
        Gravestonedoji

        Fly saved subs serious coin today re: GSVC. Well done inside PPT and 12631.

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  12. The Fly

    WELL NOW WE KNOW WHY OUR MARKET WAS SOFT.

    JPM PLUNGE

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  13. Gravestonedoji
    Gravestonedoji

    I’m in YELP @ avg cost of the $20.85. We will win and big. Patience. Of course looks like JPM just cock punched the whole f*cking market. Asshats.

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  14. dean

    Why throw jumping jacks.
    Grenades work much better and are more fun.

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  15. Yogi and Boo Boo
    Yogi and Boo Boo

    Dr. J. Just got his little finger cut off. $JPM

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  16. locobbb

    im up 0.07% today. lmfao

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  17. Halfbloodpope

    .”…did good today.”

    A-game

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