iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,434 Blog Posts

(EXPLETIVE DELETED)

First let me start off by saying I made a little less than 1% today. The market showed incredible resilience and we should continue to press forward to the dismay of THE FUCKING ASSHOLE COCKSUCKERS who want it to go down.

Now for my rant.

I would like nothing more than to drive a fucking rail spike into the skeletons of whoever is shorting YELP into dust. This fucking stock is my albatross. It is everything that is good about the internet, enveloped in a fucking time bomb of a stock that represents everything that is wrong on Wall Street. Fucking me.

It started the day down, then slowly crept higher throughout the session. By mid-afternoon, the stock was clearly in rally mode, on the precipice of breaking necks and spines, having a grande olde time of things. But then the fucking vampires hit the stock at the end of the day, erasing a .70 rally to ZILCH.

THE FUCKING STOCK, AS UNBELIEVABLE AS IT MAY SEEM, CLOSED FLAT FOR THE FUCKING DAY, extending its losing streak to a GAGILLION days without a single uptick. Frankly, and very sincerely, I’m inclined to commit murder because of this equity. That might seem far fetched to some of you cow-tippers out there, church boys, charitable in all walks of life. But “The Fly” descends from a place where bullets grazed his temple as a child and fists made of metal smashed into his anatomy, testing his resolve, in the ultimate example of Darwinism.

My heart is made from black gunpowder and my brain is a computer that does not understand what the emotion of “empathy” means. Should I roll into 5/2 (YELP’s earnings day) down 10% in the stock, ahead of earnings that could potentially rip the stock into tiny little shreds, I am going to lose control of my senses and hurt many of you. I am sorry to tell you this, but your lives are in grave danger.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qz0PgqrXd0

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100 comments

  1. chivo

    time to grow the war beard out, my dude

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    • The Fly

      War beard sequence initiated (no nerd)

      • 0
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      • Jakegint

        Assemble the Romanian Goats!

        (sound of distant trumpets)

        _________

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        • Jakegint

          This is pretty fuggin’ funny:

          Top 9 Civil War Generals Who Rocked Their Beards

          “General Stuart had it rocking out, dangerously so. True fact: The volume of his beard would have encased his face and suffocated him in his sleep, were it not for all that pig grease he combed through it. But his West Point classmates called him “Beauty,” and he let them do that, which leads Science to believe he grew his beard not out of pride, but out of shame. Shame of his dashing good looks. And that, sir? That cannot abide in a list of Civil War Generals who truly ROCKED their beards!”

          ________

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  2. Rhino

    dude, it’s their first earnings since going public, as long as though don’t have a lot of stock based comp that drives down EPS, they should have some awesome earnings. Let us ride Valkyries in the sky above the bears lobbing their heads off willy-nilly, as if it were nothing more than a carnival game.

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  3. xxx_stellar

    Fly,

    Good day to you. Yelp [HOMO] nailed in the head with that call. I don’t just enjoy winning. I enjoy it more when yelp lose, too!

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  4. Dr. No

    Could be a sabotage….I’m sure you’ve made 1 maybe 2 enemies over the years.

    • 0
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  5. leftcoasttrader

    You may not have made any money today on the stock, but neither did Kofi Bofah.

    • 0
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  6. D'angeli

    I was about to say that you need to take your pill to stop those crazy rants but you’re an honest trader so I wish you luck and hope YELP goes higher

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  7. Juice

    there were 50k shares for sale that began around 3:22

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  8. The Fly

    NXPI beat: small consolation

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  9. Rhino

    I stabbed myself in the nutz shorting AMZN.

    • 0
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    • The Fly

      Only savage animals short AMZN.

      • 0
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      • Rhino

        except that

        “AMZN EPS $0.28 includes $89 MM in after tax of equity method investment activity, net of tax. Or $0.19”

        yeah, yeah, playa, playa, girl (savage animal voice)

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  10. xxxHuggieBearxxx
    xxxHuggieBearxxx

    This was one of the funniest posts i’ve read in a while…muchas gracias for that. I particularly liked that bit about ” Frankly, and very sincerely, I’m inclined to commit murder because of this equity”.

    I am now down 4% on the year and within striking distance of salvation. I need one more good week.

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  11. Gravestonedoji

    Grave danger?

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  12. Patrick

    Dr. Fly post YELP earnings http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PQ6335puOc

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  13. Dorkler

    The powers that be, are driving it down to pick up cheap shares for the gap up on earnings!!!

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  14. Ron

    There was a very large put spread bought on Apr 19th that should have alerted you to an impending crash. Watch the open interest on the May 25/21 puts to see when they are closing the trade for a reversal back to the upside.

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  15. MetalLeg

    Fly,

    Other than make you feel better about your portfolio performance for the day, does the $0.70 really matter? Unless you were prepared to sell, it really shouldn’t.

    The stock is probably being accumulated ahead of earnings so I think I’m going to dabble in some options with May expirys to get the biggest bang for the buck.

    Long term, it doesn’t really matter what it did today.

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  16. asteroids

    I am down 3% for the year because of this fucking week. Most of the damage today. Fucking computers. Grrrr.

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  17. The Fly

    Spain cut two notches to BBB+

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  18. Frog

    Looking at the ES futs, this matters– at least at this red hot second. Tomorrow, maybe not. Time will tell.

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  19. M. Cook

    Fuck a rail spike. Use a hobnailed boot.

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  20. Flicker

    Fly. YELP obviously has a voodoo curse that must be removed before success can be received. It’s not easy to do but you can start with wearing your underwear backwards for a few days. More later.

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  21. razorsedge

    u got to know who your friends r. i got hammered today, in celebration of market action.so i drove to (who i thought)my best friends house. i said DUDE im hammered, i cant drive home! please give me a ride? he replied:its not a good idea for me to drive u home, my wife will get pissed. i said i dont want to get a DUI, he said u can leave your car here and walk home , i said after all ive done for u? after everything weve been thru your gonna turn your back on me? he said dude, you live next door, its 50 feet! ill walk u home, so i guess he’s not the good friend i thought!

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  22. Dog

    I’ll be sure to beat my YELPing dog tonight. He’s a voodoo doll of sorts. He even has a black tongue.

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  23. HalfBloodPope

    I often wonder what would happen if all of the participating IBC members went long $YELP? Would the pain placed upon those positioned short mirror that of placing ones testicles in a hot pannini press?

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  24. JTU

    Fuck Sterne Agee and fuck DECK. DECK is my YELP!

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  25. mrkcbill

    “cow-tippers”
    You watch your mouth Pal

    LOL great post BlogFather

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  26. razorsedge

    so losing money is bad?

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  27. fake amish

    eurotard frankenstein will not die. can anyone explain to me how the price action and the news events are not a perfect mirror to last year? would it not have to be “different this time” for the market not to crash this summer?

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    • panamaorange

      Well, the euro panic is now 3 years old.

      And, prior to the last 2 spring/summer crashes, VGK europe and EEM emerging markets were much more elevated.

      With them dropping this low, this early, it limits the crash effect. I think we could crash from FB ipo week highs . But, that’s still a few weeks off.

      Hard to argue that FB euphoria is priced in, when ZNGA GRPN P YELP etc are so beaten down on daily charts.

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  28. Damon

    Here, here. I would like to beat the shorters of GSVC about the face and head.

    Hey Everyone! Congress votes on the CISPA internet bill tomorrow, this is a nasty bill. Takes away what little is left of your internet dignity, and dismisses the First Amendment completely.

    Please click on the Demand Progress link to super easy ways to let your voice be heard in WA.

    Please and call or write this evening!:

    http://act.demandprogress.org/letter/obama_cispa/%20%20?akid=1329.1663308.Y6bC-V&rd=1&t=4

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    • razorsedge

      so leave facebook, dont give personal information on line! what did we ever do before the internet?

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    • Po Pimp

      It might be better for your voice to be heard in DC. I guess if you live in Seattle then WA would work too.

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  29. razorsedge

    miners r going higher,

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  30. Damon

    Oops, sorry, I

    I just found out those pigs in the House just rammed the CISPA bill through..seriously, please hit this link to your reps in the Senate, we can stop this, but these people in Washington are beholden to their corporate banking elite masters.

    Webmasters need to get behind this NO on CISOA!

    Our only hopes is the Dems in the Senate, RIGHT NOW!

    This is SO easy!:

    http://act.demandprogress.org/letter/cispa_passes?rd=1&t=2&referring_akid=1331.1663308.noAbWp

    Let us pray, NO on CISPA

    p.s.: Obama said he would VETO it, but how many times has he said he would, then not done something?

    Click that link above!

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  31. deenutz

    F yelp never buy them, feel bubbles

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  32. beat

    I am prepared to await my turn on YELP. This stock has made the year “interesting” for me as well. My wrists bear the lash marks from its punishment!

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