Let it be of no surprise to you that I’ve been canvassing the shithole area of New Jersey for a new home. The common theme inside of NJ a is well water, septic tank, fixer upper money pit. When I was looking for homes in North Carolina, I found distinguished homes that were well kept, accompanied by a fucking city water pipeline.
There is nothing redeeming about New Jersey, whatsoever.
If you are from NJ and know a nice town, point me in that direction and I will become your neighbor. If your recommendation leads me to a septic tank or water well, I will spit in your face.
The market should be sold here. Fuck what you see; do what men in top hats are doing: selling. This is a classic blow off top in the making; you just don’t know it yet. I am elated to see SFLY and SODA shuffle higher. But let’s face it, you have to be a fucking monkey with a hard-on to buy this shit, at these levels.
As a result, I’ve stopped looking for stocks to buy. The way I figure, if I’m not looking, I cannot be lured into money losing ventures. I’ve been fucked too many times buying into ejaculation. No thanks; you eat it.
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monkey with a hard-on – ROTFL
North Jersey or South Jersey? Should be two different states.
It doesn’t matter
come to franklin lakes if you can afford it
Just a guess but I think Fly can afford it.
Spring Lake NJ looks nice.
Come out to CA. We’ll sell you our house at a GREAT price!
You should give Spring Lake a shot. Nice quiet community, lawns and appearance are kept up township-wide, right on the beach. As an added bonus, property taxes are completely absurd, so you won’t have to wade in the company of non-elites.
Come join us at Facebook headquarters
Come to Canada live with dears and moose’s not a monkey in da house!
*hoose
No. It’s in this order, if you can hang with the big guns. Alpine or Basking Ridge.
Fly, the area of Summit and New Providence has some of the top schools in the state, and lots of Wall Street people live there, because Summit is a hub for several train lines. Slightly further west, Warren and Watchung are beautiful, and sit up on the mountain tops with great views. The schools there are excellent too.
If you need any more information on NJ towns, feel free to e-mail me. (Don’t worry, I’m not a realtor selling something!). 🙂
Alpine is the richest town in NJ. Wall street CEO’s occupy this town, and they have a private police force.
South Joisey.
I live here, so I will take care of your septic tank and well. hehe
Princeton’s a lovely town.
Nice school there, too, I hear.
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Ah Jakey, that’s my alma mater (grad)!
Yes, very nice. Closer to the city, I hear Montclair is nice, but I’ve never been there. An ex-New Yorker sort of place.
Brilliant people attend USC.
Freehold Twp, or if you have bigger appetite, Colts Neck.
WINNING!
All land above the Mason-Dixon line should be avoided as it is polluted and populated by people like those in Shameless.
Fly, why the aversion to well water? If you are in a good area, there is nothing as delicious as an excellent well water. I understand you are moving from some of the best water in the world — NYC water is unquestionably top notch.
I’m sure there are studies rating the aquifers of New Jersey as to quality and taste.
Well water sucks
Frackalicious!
Agreed. Well water is wholesome. I lived in an area of Michigan where septic fields and well water were common place. Nicest areas around, provided you don’t mind living 800 yards from the next nearest home.
well water is a total crapshoot. every well is different. there is no “well water” standard.
Anyone who lives East of the Mississippi deserves what they get. Best advice was given years ago: “Go West! (Old Fart) Go West!”
@Fly – Naples Florida. Need some bucks to live here.
Go to Sanibel Island and live.
Of course, the homeowners insurance will drain your bank account but you can catch your dinner in the Gulf or the Bay.
And perhaps get some gator meat at Ding Darling park when the ranger isn’t around.
Or become a Gator’s meat, as it were.
My aunt lives out there. There are some big dawgs crawling out of the swamp on the west end.
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The hell with Florida! Now there are new beasties down there that can eat you! http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2012/01/pythons-are-wiping-out-mammals-everglades/48075/
Re-consider North Carolina, Sir Fly. Stay out of Cary, the Containment Area for Relocated Yankees and look around. Chapel Hill is beautiful and you can’t beat the schools.
Newark or Camden. The water is free and you don’t have to worry about a septic tank or even a sewer bill, because there are no sewers that work properly. Oh yeah- you automatically qualify for food stamps and free housing.
Newark is about as charming as Detroit’s upper east side.
Clockers, bitchez.
Great book, “meh” movie.
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Camden is a fucking warzone. Homeless men scale brick walls within industrial parks at an insipid pace, leaving their acrid stench lingering on the mortar like snails in the night.
CAMDEN NUCCA!!
we ALL know that true distinguished gentlemen reside in CT. Not sure what all the jersey talk is.
Greenwich or GTFO!
++++++++++
Fly, keep heading west – forget Jersey. I have more than a few available lots out here in my neighborhood. City water while country livin.
You can build your own home, including a nice big barn out back to contain your laser beam thingy you keep talking about.
Where is it that Forbes lives in Jersey?
Saddle Ridge or something? Horse country, I think.
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Darien, CT. Come be my neighbor.
Two of my good friends live in Darien. Highly recommended.
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I have both a well and a septic tank.
No monthly bills for water or sewer and am sitting on the largest aquifer in Florida.
Like I told my Physician, the reason all kinds of metal stick to me like a magnet has nothing to do with the the water quality.
Plus, peeing brown kind of gives the toilet bowl a nice color.
I think you might want to consider a vitamin supplement for the brown pee problem
Trader, a well in Jersey is a lot different the a well in the Florida aquafier (or the uber-pure water from my well in the volcanic rock of the forest of central Oregon) we test it every year, and it is better than bottled spring water.
It just sounds frightening, what kind of sludge and sulfurous smigma would be in that Jersey mud
Glub glub glub.
The NJ Pinelands aquifer. Some of the purest water in the world.
The Pinelands soil is natures best filter.
Gym, Tan, Laundry. Right, Fly?
May I suggest outside of Princeton (but not in Princeton)? Hopewell, Cranbury, West Windsor, Lawrenceville. Very low crime. At least a dozen excellent private schools near Princeton (Peddie School, Princeton Day School, Hun School,…) for your children. Convenient to major highways, and trains and buses to NYC. Most areas are serviced by public water and sewer. Nice variety – Victorian to contemporary houses. The only downside is property taxes – a $5M house might be $100k/year.
And as others have said, Bedminster, Basking Ridge, and Warren in northern NJ also pretty nice communities.
I was going to post almost the exact same suggestion. I have spent time in most parts of the state, except for the ultra-congested zone east of the Parkway and north of the Raritan, and I think these areas hit the sweet spot.
Lawrenceville is veddy nice.
Peddy, as I recall, had well-earned it’s insidious nickname, Peddyfile.
Is Lawrenceville still all-male?
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Franklin Lakes NJ is almost all septic.
Wyckoff,NJ is right next door and has much of the town connected to sewer lines. All homes have municipal water. Same high school as Franklin Lakes. There are many new homes, and they keep knocking down houses and building new ones on my street.
The year is 2012. You cavemen from NJ should think about upgrading your infrastructure.
Pomeroy Road in Madison NJ. Walking distance to the train. 6500 sq. ft. new home going up right now . Very well kept town. Relatively high end without being over the top like Alpine.
And the home of Fairleigh Ridiculous, to boot.
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Haven’t heard that one in a while. LOL
Move to Toronto .. Housing market is still hot – causing all of our ‘lower class’ to move to NJ ..
Neighbor- are you meshugana? What will Steve, Jr. do if you move? You know he can’t visit Fly,Jr. in Jersey. The Italians there will try to convert him. And what will your illegal gardeners do? They actually have laws in Jersey.
You forgot the least redeeming thing about New Jersey: the people. Of course all of those people move to Cary, NC.
Fly already said he isnt moving, people. Give it a rest.
Bernardsville, Basking Ridge and Warren would be to your liking Senor.
used to picnic in asbury park with my family when i was a child. fuck jersey and the east coast. chicago is the place to be.i’ll find you a home fit for a king,among all the DeLucas’
Somehow I knew this thread would turn into a bunch of idiots telling the Fly to move next door to them.
You, sir, are some kind of Super-Nostradamus.
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Senor Fly,
Do you really want “New Jersey” as your address of residence?
I mean, when The Soprano’s was a hit, maybe, but the name alone sounds like sh-t.
Always has.
How about Connecticut or something?
In the meantime, calling this market is impossible right now, as much as I want to short some stocks. The “Fast Money” idots are buying, big time.
Berkeley Heights, Summit, Chatham, Gillette are all nice areas with good school systems & conveniently located to everything
South jerz my friend…
Jobstown, springfield,Columbus, mighty fine well waters.
Mount Holly, Morestown, Lumberton, Hainesport
regards
chuck
Moorestown, you mean? Near Cherry Hill?
Wife’s roommate was from there. Suitably tight-assed and Leave it to Beaverish, as I recall.
But they like the BEagles and Philthies down there.
Fly’s head might explode.
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yes,
thats the place
regards
chuck
Fly,
My sister moved to Montclair a little while back and I must say it is one of the better areas I have seen in New Jersey. Nice proximity to the city as well.
Eastern Pennsylvania; when civilization collapses, you want to be somewhere devoid of civilization…and with very high property to get a clear shot off.
And Amongst the Amish in case you need to don a “quick-beard” and suspenders, a la Harrison Ford.
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Just work a space station into your orbital cannon budget. Two birds, one stone.
Mendham near Gov Christie
I would not worry about a well and septic. But definitely I would have them independantly tested and inspected. By someone I hire and not the REaltor/Seller/mortgage broker.
It would be cool to have Chris Christy for a governor. He would be a big improvement for my State.
Well and septic are for 19th century rubes.
NJ is divided into Boroughs and Townships. The Townships often have septic — Boro’s have public water. The larger cities (such as Morristown) have public water. Mendham Boro has public water — Mendham Twp (where Chris lives) has septic.
Does he pump out septic tanks?
Where do you think city water comes from? City Slickers!
a fucking reservoir
Fly, you should move to Charlotte. I live on Lake Norman. Plus, you have a wide variety of Churches to choose from … 🙂
Camden
You want Monsieur Fly dead?
Depends on your price range. Multi-million, millionish, or sub-million.
Millionish, I tend to like Cherry Hill, Sewell, Blackwood. All South Jersey, and yes, Eagles and Phillies country!!!
Fly. Epic Glass choice. Hadn’t heard, enjoyed a ton. Now. Give Las Vegas a second look. Forgettabout the Toxic-Garden State. MeThinks you’ve got prejudice against a town that is “modernly-cosmo.” There’s a reason why celeb.’s Burbank and John Wayne it to LV.
What about Montville Fly?
westchester… Purchase, Rye Brook, or Rye specifically. It is nice here, the poor people are the ones whose wives do not have the Range Rover Sport. You couldnt possibly find a fast food restaurant around here, lunch will cost you at least $30.00… for a bagel with organic scallion-cream cheese. Clinton is around here somewhere.
Monsieur Fly, consider Moorestown, NJ?
South Orange