Goodbye August

Okay, since everyone is espousing caution in September, due to it being “a bad month,” I am tempted to just buy shit. Did these people forget the S&P went up 9% in September of last year? Is there anyone out there bearish on volatility? It’s plainly ridiculous how everyone gets in lockstep with one another. Nevertheless, I am opting to avoid stocks due to my own beliefs. For example: TLT and GLD are too high, people are buying Swiss debt and locking in 1% losses via negative yields, Italian yields are creeping higher and Greece is scheduled for a bailout on 9/7. That’s enough for me.

The pendulum has swung back in favor of the bulls, rightfully so. Most of the pessimism that took hold of the market in early August was purported by professional short sellers, only interested in breaking the market.

Going into September, lots of momentum stocks are worth a look. For example, NFLX has been up 8 of the last 9 Septembers. And, CRM, NKE, CME do extraordinarily well in September. So it’s not all bad, asshats.

Bottom line: I am 40% in, with a TZA call option hedge in my personal aggressive accounts. I will dive back into this tape when the conditions that I mentioned above abate. Do not forget how bad you sucked three weeks ago. It is entirely possible that this little rally will be short lived. If we are heading back into recession, remember, earnings will be cut by 30% across the board, putting the fair value of the S&P at about 900.

Remember when I warned you not to listen to people talking shit on the teevee and the internets, declaring the end of the markets are near? Well, those people are inside of an inferno funhouse right now, struggling to keep their skin in the game. However, on the other side of the spectrum are clowns shooting themselves out from carnival cannons, always bullish, often wrong.

Despite what many of you believe, especially newly minted readers, “The Fly” is not a permabull. As a matter of fact, on occasion, HORATIO CLAWHAMMER makes an appearance and he enjoys to see the world burn, if only for a short period of time. Having said that, I am not bullish here. It’s time for a breather. If you do not allow yourself to chill the fuck out, you’re gonna die.

Go bake in the sun, drink yourself retarded.

I’ve taken this respite to go to cash (60%) and hedge my personal accounts with TZA call orders, specifically the Sept 40’s. I will buy them in 10 contract increments until the market breaks. I suspect we have 200-300 points of near term downside and I have little interest in losing money on fresh longs.

Like I said before, there are plenty of stocks tempting me. I will share my buy list inside of The PPT this evening. However, I am always careful when markets tempt me, always a trap of sorts to saw my legs off and hack away at my scrotum.

No thanks!

I am taking my chips and going home. With TLT pressing higher and gold acting all apocalyptic, coupled with the fact that I’ve managed to regain all lost coin and more, I sold out of my second largest position (DECK) and now sit atop of a fucking mountain of green, 60% cash.

To a small degree, I am long TZA calls. However, it’s nothing to circle jerk over, you fucking disgusting bears.

There are many stocks tempting me to buy. As a matter of fact, I had my finger on the buy button, for this one particular name, sweating and trembling as I dealt with the emotions of risk. However, at the end of the day, “The Fly” regathered himself amidst sharp self-inflicted slaps to the face and put the buy button away (yes, I have a buy button).

For the remainder of the day, I will gawk at the Twitter stream, whilst eating popcorn and laughing a great deal, watching total jackasses make fools of themselves, over and over again. I will also be keeping a keen eye on many of you, via iBC’s spy camera network. Should you fuckers get out of line with the comments or funny looks, I’m gonna send a boxing glove through your screen and punch you in the face with it.

About 30 minutes ago (time stamped inside PPT), I opened positions in TZA. Nothing too big, just hedges and advantageous call positions against longs.

Yesterday I was bragging about my home receiving no damage, other than two downed potted palm trees. Then, about 1am, the fucking water transformed into a decepticon and turned red on me. “Wonderful”, I said to myself. As a matter of fact, I always wanted to drink blood from the faucet.

So as I sit here, dealing with the fucktards at DEP, I realized there isn’t any hope for me on this island. It’s time to go and with great brevity.

Stocks opened down and are now trucking over bears, Creep Show style. I am trading light here and will not chase, no matter what. I have about 60% of my assets long, mainly in WNR, DECK and GSVC, and intend to sell more as we go higher. I am not a trend slave and have a great mind about these sort of things. Soon enough, Greece will be back in the headlines and the fucking French will be doing French shit again.

To be blunt, I may open a small TZA call position today, providing this rally extends.

For now, I am simply enjoying this here cup of rusted water, southern hillbilly style, while at all time highs.

I just got home from that fucking rubed out bitch of a whore place in central, PA, where goats and fuckers looking like Abe Lincoln reign supreme. I had a bit of a scuffle at the local pancake house, where the service was way less than acceptable. I make it a rule, never bitch when at a restaurant, just walk the fuck out. Fuck those people running sideways (no idea what the means, but it sounds insidious).

My house survived the storm, unscathed. The only causality was two potted palm trees on the ground. I picked them up just a minute ago, while eating a granola bar.

As you can see, the market melted the fuck higher today. I love it. All of those brilliant risk managers on CNBC getting air time due to the end of the world thesis just got blown the fuck up again, for the umpteen time in so many years. Seriously, you don’t sell when fuckers go on teevee and tell you to go to 0% equities. Look, you don’t let those people manage money for you. They aren’t qualified to run an UGMA; keep them away from your brains.

My investment strategy has evolved a great deal over the years.Before I built The PPT, I used to spend an inordinate amount of time sifting through balance sheets, looking over momentum runs. Now, all of that, and more, is run by my algorithms. Because of this, I am able to trade bigger. My average position size is 10-20% of assets now, up from 5-7%. See when I am buying WNR, DECK, GSVC, VHC or IPGP, I don’t think they are going to trade higher, I know they will. My convictions will either make me richer than a mothefucker swimming in crude oil or carnival poor. Here’s the thing, I’m already rich; I just want to get richer.

For the year, I am up 17% and I am up on my WNR position, now 26% of assets. The whole “never put your eggs in one basket” argument is poor fallacy. If fallacy could be embodied into one fucking statement, that would be it. Look, if you don’t know what you are doing, you will lose. There are no short cuts around that. From time to time, we all fuck up and get lost in a sea of idiocy. The key is to bounce back and stick space swords into your enemies with great swiftness. Typically, I won’t up the size of a single position over 30%. But, I am no longer comfortable with babysitting a bunch of positions, having to run 10,000 trades per month.

I refuse to do that on principal.

Don’t follow this strategy because you will blow up. “The Fly” is on another level, zipping through neighborhoods, vaporizing crops, abducting fuckers from Idaho. During this last dip, immediately, I sold out all non-central stocks and focused on averaging down on core positions on dips. As a result, I am now up on all of them, sitting prettier than Pepe Le Pew, sans the stink, on top of a 42% cash horde.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZW1STjbKSs 603 500]

I booked 10 and 20% gains in IPGP and VHC today, holding them less than 1 week. Additionally, I sold out of my DECK calls, but kept common. Seeing some of my larger positions reversed lower today (WNR, GSVC), I opted for risk reduction instead of cocaine gorilla rally mode.

Frankly, I’ve had my fill for August and prefer to trade light until some things are resolved. Without a doubt, I grade my performance an A+ during this recent debacle, having turned lemons into sweet lemonade.

At the time of my departure from this bullshit hotel, my cash position was 42%.

NOTE: Almost forgot, I sold out of BEE, booking an 8% loss in the process.

This has to be the most frustrating market of all time for bears. I imagine them sitting in a sandbox, playing with ghetto Jack in the boxes. Each time the rap song ends, the Jack in the box pops the fuck out with a 40 ounce of malt liquor and cracks it over their heads.

We have no business going higher; but who cares? The Empire always wins. You didn’t think misfits clad in burlap, like Zerohedge, would win, did you? Pffffffff. The government is shitting on you fuckers and will continue to do so until you are fresh out of cash.

As of right now, I am at new all time highs and we’re not even done with August. If you would have asked me three weeks ago if I thought I’d regain all of my lost coin, AND MORE, prior to September, I’d fucking laugh at you and spit sprite in your face. This is an impossible comeback for me. I was down 8% in early August and now show gains of 17%, up another 2 this morning.

More than that, for my personal account, I’m cutting dicks off (no homo, odd) with my DECK call position, now up more than 100%. In other words, fuck you little short bus fuckers, “The Fly” raises dominion over your ham sandwiches and slaps you with them.

As an aside, I am about to check the fuck out of this Amish hotel and head back towards civilization, which incidentally is under water, littered with assholes with boats. I swear to God, if I see anyone within a 50 yard radius of me kayaking through my neighborhood, I’m running them over with my Lexus. Fuck the consequences, those people need to die

It’s Darwinism coming into play here, gentlemen, in more ways than 1.

I just got an email from one of you little dicksuckers, decrying my pervious post regarding the hurricane. This woman/man/transexual lamented over my seemingly insensitive approach with regards to Hurricane Irene. What this 7th grade child didn’t comprehend is my post was dripping with sarcasm and was aimed at the idiots who minimized the storm as something worth laughing at.

In an attempt to stoop down to your 7th grade reading level, I will address you directly.

Friends of mine have lost their homes. That’s bad. Several friends of mine live up in the Catskills, where people are being evacuated from the rooftops, as small streams transform into raging rivers, totally wiping out towns. That’s also bad. My sister was trapped in a mandatory evacuation zone and my house is perched on Staten Island, a place hardest hit by the hurricane, and I have no idea if my house has a tree through it or not. Once again, I am against these occurrences.

Moreover, while most of you deviants drank yourselves to sleep, “The Fly” was up until 4am, posting relevant news and information for those who needed it.

If you fail to comprehend my wit, I strongly suggest leaving this site and never coming back again. Sir, you are a fucktard, on a very high level. I spit on people of you ilk and pray to the Gods for your instant liquidation from the matrix.

In other news, the markets are unaffected by the storm and look to trade higher, at least for now. Once again, with my money, I like refiners. I’d avoid tech stocks, since they are in the process of blowing up investors via horrendous eps cuts. If you want to buy dips, make sure your company or industry peer isn’t set  to post earnings. They’ve been arm, head, leg, arm, leg rippers.

UPDATE: For those interested in the events occurring in the Catskills. check out Watershed live blogging. She is doing a bang up job.