Good News and Bad News

I got good news and bad news.

The good news is, the economy is on fire, likely creating 1 million jobs in February. The bad news is, you’re all gonna starve anyway. ROFLMAOMG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Corn

But I have a solution. As we speak, “The Fly” is drafting up a 50 page power-point presentation, Bill Ackman style, regarding my proposal to peg the dollar to the price of corn. In other words, yes, I am suggesting we go on “the corn standard.” I will present this detailed plan on CNBC, as soon as I am finished.

I am confident this plan will resonate with policy makers and bearded clams alike. For one, it will bring stability to our whacky, third world style currency. We can walk around in sheep’s skinned coats, comfortably knowing and bragging about our currency being backed by “hard, tangible assets.” We make shit here and will be the envy of the world.

Secondly, the Federal Reserve, backed by The First Bank of Corn, can always ask the First Bank of Corn to simply plant more corn. The more corn planted, the more money we will have (i.e. “rich as fuck”).

Third, we can walk around with nibblets in our pockets and either pay for shit or have an afternoon snack. Win, win.

Lastly, after the corn standard is installed, we can control government spending by demanding those fuckers on capitol hill “show us the corn.” No corn, no tomahawks. Plain and simple.

Failure to adhere to my plan will result in the eventual starvation of 75% of you corn can fuckers out there. So, I strongly suggest you support my “creamed corn” plan to prosperity, else your bones will soon be used to fertilize my corn crops.

To celebrate my 12% return for Q1 of 2011, I took my space rocket to the moon and took some footage to show you fuckers how it’s done.

I don’t care what you fuckers think or say: nuclear technology was gifted to us by space aliens and they forgot to tell us how to shut the fuckers off. It’s like we’re kids wearing big people suits, throwing sea water on space aged technology. The term “space aged” is a stupid one, by the way.

Corn is going bananas to the upside, as idiots with rakes fuck up the food chain. Let’s not forget how our government is explicitly trying to create a food crisis by allowing the ethanol mafia take control of the food supply. I am not exaggerating when I say these things, as corn is America’s #1 crop and is used for EVERYTHING. Inputs have to go up and you silly suckers will be paying more at the pump too. Oh, how I long for the day when gasoline is $10 per gallon. The streets will be empty of vagrants and only the rich will drive.

Driving, like corn, is a luxury, not a right.

I think it’s fair to say, and I mean this sincerely, our government has failed us on every level possible. Having said that, when are we going to march on DC and demand the resignation of every single member of Congress, to go along with Mr. President?

Into radioactive clouds and depleted uranium craters, I love me some MWW, WNR, WFT, OXY with a DAL hedge.

Do you really want to know what I think? Nah, you don’t want to know. All you want is hot picks. You want to dip your beak in the hot oil and not get burned. Like chickens aimlessly walking around the farm, you have no idea what’s in store for you. Oh, don’t worry, I am not unique here, as I am willingly swimming in the pool filled with sharks. I will not pretend that everything is fine. The reality is, and this is just my flawed personality, I don’t care.

I do what I do because that’s what I do.

The very concept of QE2 is absurd. To think these Professors of economics endorse this course of action is so disingenuous it is laughable. It’s sort of like seeing a police officer picking some old ladies pocket, in uniform.

Look at this Dave Sokol idiot, from Berkshire Hathaway. This clown is worth more than $100 million, yet he threw away his career for a $3million windfall. He bought $10mill worth of LZ, then told his maniac/senile boss (Buffet) to buy his new stock position too. Well, his boss didn’t just buy some shares; he bough the whole fucking company. Someone give that man a rubber room and sleeveless dinner jacket.

Back to the subject at hand: we are building up another bubble, plain and simple. With my eyes wide open, I intend to milk this bubble until it pops. When it pops, I will lose money, initially. However, I have plans to take advantage of the final collapse— on the eyes of your favorite pastor.

Until then, let’s just smoke these opium pipes and drink the nectar of the Gods, while we bank so much coin our faces get numb.

Fun fact: WFT has been up 20 of 21 years in April, for an average return of 13% That’s 95 percentile jack.

I bought both MWW and WFT.

Coming this Friday, in the midst of nuclear catastrophes and war, the February employment data will be released. Based upon on the laws of BARACKenomics, I expect to see nothing less than fantasy. With the Federal reserve busy pumping away at the U.S. economy, raping the dollar of its dignity, I sense a surprise on the horizon.

What this country needs is hope, then change, then lobster rolls with warm butter lathered sloppily into American faces. We need to make believe shit is good. Therefore, we need to report a falsified jobs report, in order to placate those pesky republicans who want to fuck with earmarks. The democrats must fend off their detractors by disseminating positive news, in support of the current regime. This has been done before. Please study the rise of the Bolshevik Party. Thanks.

As you well know, the Obama administration is giving war a chance, for humanitarian reasons. Do not be fooled by his dumbo-like ears: he is a great man. He is saving countless of innocent and helpless armed rebels from certain demise. Moreover, he is punishing an evil dictator, who hogs light sweet crude, and doesn’t share that shit with others.

The TIME IS NOW, FUCKERS, for falsified economic reports to be distributed ad hoc. Are you man enough to play the game? Will you be there when the clowns nose is punched in and only jelly squirts out?

Disclosure: Long MWW, considering KFRC, KFY and ASGN.

I am on the road now, so I am, most unfortunately, posting from my iPhone.

I sold TER today, which was a 10% position. If you possessed the ability to read, you’d know that today’s buys were done exclusively in my personal account. As of the close, managed accounts are 20% cash.

I didn’t like the action. It had a lot of characteristics of a toppy market. However, the numbers on Friday can change things quickly. I’m thinking better than expected is in the cards.

I will continue to add to airlines, as a hedge against my refiners.

I bought MWW and DAL, both in my personal account.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, Al Qaeda will take you hostage and transport you to Pakistan. And you may lose money.

Quick flash for you unemployed day traders: I know this market is overbought, which is why I sold out of TER. However, I am now wrestling with the idea that today’s entry point may or may not be advantageous, considering we have jobs numbers on Friday.

To buy or not to buy is that question. Yes, indeud.

So you know, the cash is burning holes in my pockets.

More on this later.

I sold out of my TER position.