It was December of 1983. “The Fly” was 7 years old and his mother was a widow for two years. My sister and I were hungry, so Mom called the local Chinese eatery and ordered some beef with broccoli. You know, to get our “health game on.”
Twenty minutes passed and the doorbell rang. I opened the door and there stood a Chinese delivery man, age 45, dressed in what looked like “farm-hand clothes.” My Mother came to the door, paid for the food, thanked the greasy man at the door and said “goodnight.” Mom served up some beef with broccoli to my Sister (it was her favorite dish). However, much to her chagrin, it didn’t taste right. The broccoli tasted “somewhat pungent.” Alarmed, Mom called the local eatery back and asked if she could be refunded, for money was tight and the food was no good. The person on the other end of the phone said “okay,” and proceeded to send back the delivery man.
About 45 minutes passed and a series of knocks were heard at the door. I remember them vividly, as it disrupted my day dream, staring into the Christmas lights on my Douglas fir tree. I answered the door and the Chinese delivery man was standing there, somewhat annoyed, asking for “your Mother.” Mom came to the door and told him “the beef with broccoli is no good. Please give us a refund.” Immediately, he became aggressive with his mannerisms, agitated by the request. In a deep accent, he said “ret [sic] me see.”
Mom walked over to the table, leaving the door open; he followed her into our apartment. She gave him the carton of pungent food and said “here, take this back and give us a refund.” He retorted “it’s a good. I don’t take a back. Look.” He then proceeded to put his hand into the beef with broccoli carton, shoveling its contents into his mouth with great force and vigor, declaring “see it’s a good.” Sauce dripped off his hand onto my dining room floor.Mortified by these events, young Fly darted and hid under the table. Mom blurted out “get the fuck out of here you crazy son of a bitch,” just prior to taking the beef with broccoli carton from the gentlemen from the far east and tossing it into his chest.
Because of these egregious events, “The Fly” never eats Chinese food near Christmas, just in case you were wondering.
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Merry V.King
Fly, you hid? I was expecting you took out the meat cleaver and removed part of his arm?
I was just 7.
A street cannon is a great age-equalizer.
You should talk to Mrs. Jake about her many encounters with “off the boat” NYC Chinese immigrants. She could write a book that would be high comedy, but unfortunately, likely also much denigrated on the Rachel Maddow Show.
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The Fly sounds like a bit of a pussy
I can kick your ass three times over, right now.
maybe so, maybe not…it just seems like you were a passive kid in this case. i would’ve kicked the freakin chink in the shins and spit in his slanted eyes.
after this episode did you go and suckle at your momma’s teets?
BANNED
Your mom used the “F” word? Wow, that was strictly reserved for my dad.
Your Dad sounds like a loser.
Yes, I’ve always wondered about that.
I wish I would have been there for you Fly. I would have shanked the son of a bitch with my MontBlanc… And even though I wasn’t much older than you, I would have taken you guy’s out in my Cadillac for some Tex-Mex and Tequila shooters…You know V.King style
Indeud.
Your XMas stories suck. They make me depressed. Tell it again. This time, jump out from underneath the table and kick the Chinese guy in the balls and throw him out of the house of Fly.
Fly’s Mom had some spunk!
Weak as piss…
BANNED.
I’ll tell you what’s banned – Chinese food. I stopped eating that crap a long time ago. Thanks for giving me another reason.
-“The thought of what ingredients might constitute this filth repulses me” – Van Alden on Chinese food
msg,lots and lots of msg. i cant eat that shit anymore.if you want a restless nights sleep eat chinese.
This was a trap made to ban some of you idiots.
Fly wins again.
That Christmas story is going to give me nightmares.
This same delivery man is launching a new IPO in 2011……shoveling into his mouth with glee he will again ring the bell ” See its a good”
LOFL.
Last line — he’s an Italian Chinaman?
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You fucking faggots are all tough guys here. Let that Chinese delivery man come to your house now and you will hide inside your kitchen cabinets.
i’d rub hot mustard into his eyes and fuck his sister.
Lol @ alphabeta…
It was a good story. 7 y/o’s do not kick ass. Assholes will post crap from the safety of their parent’s basement.
7 year olds kick other 7 year old asses, not egregious Chinese delivery men eating beef with broccoli with his bare hands. Some of you people watch too much Home Alone.
lol..true.
Thanks for the story, love your visuals. Did your Morimoto trip trigger any of these memories? I know they’re higher on the hierarchy, but I hope you didn’t hide under the table there.
I bought some PPL this morning. HOV is kicking ass again, up >7% since I bought on Friday. Tomorrow is earnings.
Deck the Hars with Bars of Hory
Fa-Ra-Ra-Ra-Raa, Ra Ra Ra Raa!
You should have shot him in the eye with your Red Ryder BB gun.
I would have hid too. Sorry you lost your dad. Recently drank a bottle of 2004 culmen reserva with the family. Great suggestion. If you have any other wine suggestions, please share.
I tweet my bottles, as I open them.
Never realized this blog had so many mean, trash mouthed, moron bred and born in a dumpster guys with a keyboard in their man purse. Hey, youse tough guysies come to my house. Anytime. Once.
Bumps on the road of life makes the Man !!
No Chinese at christmas. Don’t stop by Steve the Neighbor’s on the 25th… You’ll have flashbacks.
Sounds like an good Omen for my trading account as I have been told by the other half to expect Chinese for dinner this Christmas Eve … but she did add, “No Robstah for you” unfortunately.
The fly is three years younger than me!
Nobody gives a shit about how old you are.
I don’t read here as often as most, nothing against the blog just real busy most time so when I post it’s late .
Great classic NY X-mas story Fly !
Real sorry to hear about your dad also.
I got a refund once from a Chinese food place in Queens it was not easy.
One thing I learned growing up is never try to bargain with a Chinaman or more so a Chinawomen , most the time you wroose(lose).
If that place still around at all?
One of the Chinese places I frequented growing up came up in the daily news as the 20 top ten dirtiest restaurants in NYC in the mid 90’s. Also they got in trouble for using cats and pigeons, guy use to hang out in the alleyway were we drank and smoked with a net . Basically we left him alone and he left us alone, we all stopped eating there after seeing him net a few pigeons.
j