iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,464 Blog Posts

A Dramatic Encore

Investors, dressed in silk handkerchiefs and velvet pants, panicked all day, sashaying in and out of stocks with great ferocity. The news was good in the morning, but as you could imagine, woefully terrible in the afternoon. Traders interrupted their afternoon champagne parties, in exchange for a little “zero hedging.”

You see, earlier in the day, while hopped up on cocaine and other such drugs, they bought stock with vigor. They puffed up their chests and ate roast beef, rare, with their bare hands, while counting their easily made money. Then the drama settled in. People started to choke on the roast beef, as champagne flutes whizzed through the air. Hedge fund managers with large year to date losses sold short everything, just to do the opposite of what they were doing two weeks ago. Small pleb prop traders, circle jerked, buying and selling everything in sight, only to end up the day flat.

The people on CNBC threw hissy fits and slapped each other in the faces for stealing the last bag of dope.

While all of this happened, a certain space alien magician looked down on the market, from the perch of his fucking space rocket and left a message, only for his loyal people to see.

NOTE: I was UP on the day.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BioqIQhRJs0 616 500] If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter

54 comments

  1. slim

    The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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    • xochi

      Which will be never.

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    • tgarfield

      The beatings are not helping morale

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    • Fun Gus

      Morals are already out of season. The last of them were popping up in late May. Somebody is going to get beaten to death.

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  2. Comic Book

    That Sinatra song is a masterpiece, sir.

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  3. MarshalN

    The Euro got rejected today, which is no good.

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    • panamaorange

      I just read your blog.

      Let me get this straight, we should short the euro here, and buy collectible tea cakes? Are you preparing for the resurgence of the Japanese imperial army?

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      • MarshalN

        Some of us have hobbies other than shorting EUO as a form of self flagellation. It’s clearly beyond your comprehension.

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  4. Purdy

    Nice cleansing trade in BP today, now we need same for GS.

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    • mrkcbill

      Cleansing…..thats what they said about LEH..C…WM…BAC…BS
      60-30-15-7.50-3.75……This is a fucking nightmare for markets
      USA WOLFPACK is alive on this one. I wonder how many BP
      employs here…bet its huge. These guys just broke and bought the GOM
      Incredible. Hell Cramer has already given us the all clear to 8200.
      Messed up indued.

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  5. Ix

    The Euro wears Birkenstocks and doesn’t like to shave her legs. Of course she got rejected.

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    • Teahouse On The Tracks
      Teahouse On The Tracks

      not to mention her armpits ….

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      • mrkcbill

        Celtics look confused….How can Jesus Shuttlesworth go from World Record breaker to 0-fer?
        P.Prce needs to get interested.

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        • Teahouse On The Tracks
          Teahouse On The Tracks

          I predicted a bad night for Ray but not that bad … surprised Doc stayed with him. Not confused, but bewildered that good shots weren’t falling …. it happens and it wasn’t about LA’s defense.

          Hey, if the C’s got as many 3rd point attempts from the foul line as Koby we’d beat them handily. Instead we are forced to endure off the ball fouls that ruin the momentum of the game and the players so the officials can control the game to the NBA’s liking. It’s bad business and it’s not being overlooked anymore with national sports talk media.

          You can’t really believe that the Lakers blocked 14 shots Sunday without making a foul while the C’s can’t set a pick without getting a violation. And while ABC has been avoiding replays of fouls as they occur (NBA request?) when we do get a glimpse and some commentary most are dismayed to see that Pierce is sitting down for a foul on Koby that just didn’t happen. There’s quite a bit of subjective refereeing going on and the replays under the 2 minute window have showed how bad the calls have been.

          Perkins has a reputation with the officials and upon review of his two T’s in the Magic game, one was withdrawn by the NBA, and both should have been if you saw that game. Wallace questions an official and gets a T … Koby or James questions an official and while the call doesn’t get overturned, they aren’t T’d up despite all their whining! WTF!!!

          Don’t touch Koby or James as they plow through the lane while guys like Pierce never get fouled down low or on a layup … BS! Did you see any C’s get fouled last night trying to score from under the hoop? Baby, Perk, Rondo, KG or PP? Check the fouls off of the ball against the C’s vs the Lakers and then 3rd point attempts from the foul line for each team … atrocious! And don’t tell me the Lakers are that good defensively, cause the discrepancy is glaring and in all three games so far.

          The current NBA plays to it’s future fan base and the money … travel, days off, starting time, top players/teams all get the priority in the name of $ and fan interest via their future stars. It’s pitiful!

          C’s in a revised 7 from original prediction of 6

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  6. Fly Leech

    Meh not impressed.

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  7. Po Pimp

    Up for the day as well. Not a lot mind you, but up is up in these trying times of 0.5% market crashes.

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  8. YUNGMULA

    KING LE MTF FLYY

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  9. alphadawgg

    LOL!!!

    Sounds like Wall Street is alive and well!

    Business as usual.

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  10. hardy

    you are UP on the day? how is that possible when everything you bought is down.

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  11. Bakedog

    All in on APC

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  12. bigmovingstock
    bigmovingstock

    an epic post – bravo!

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  13. Dr Fly

    Dick sucker

    I manage money professionally. Today’s bad prints are a mere pimple on the ass of my holdings.

    Good day

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  14. dipsht

    hi spartacus

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  15. jimmie

    how the FUCK am I supposed to read your hilarious blog when that insidious ad is circle jerking all over the page?

    jimmie “the pleb” greek -OUT!

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  16. OldAnalyst

    I think tomorrow is a pivotal day for this market. If we start flat and put together a small rally, today will be forgotten and we could keep on rallying through quarter end markups. If we open down meaningfully, or worse, rally and fail in the first hour, this market could fall 1000 points within a week as no one will trust it, or try to catch it.

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    • Dirk Diggler

      Prophetic, similar to your “the market will go up or down big this week” call last year.

      HOOAH!

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      • OldAnalyst

        And it was spot on…thank-you.

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        • Dirk Diggler

          Indeud.

          Hands up; who talks to their wife with Fly language?

          Wife: Honey, you were so right about [whatever].

          Me: Indeud

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  17. Dirk Diggler

    SERIOUS EARTHQUAKE WARNING FOR THE WEST COAST

    http://www.theweathernetwork.com/your_weather/details/620/2741293/3/cans0145

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  18. Indie

    fucking literary genius. especially the part about cnbc personel throwing fits for the last bag of dope.

    in other news… chinese got internet betty ford centers.

    “A group of inmates at the Huai’an Internet Addiction Treatment Centre decided they’d had enough of the ‘monotonous work and intensive training.’ Working together, they tied their duty supervisor to his bed and made a run for it. The 14 patients, aged from 15 to 22, hailed a taxi to take them to a nearby town — but were uncovered when the driver took them to the police station instead, suspicious of the identically dressed young men who were unable to pay the fare.”

    nah mawny. get out cwar.

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  19. eisensteisn

    Great call on Sears- The BP of retailers

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  20. discoordinated

    Fly, where is that PPT saying the market is. Have we actually gotten a reading below 2?

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  21. alf44

    Sears DOES sell Craftsman Tools dont forget !!!

    “BP of Retailers” … might be a bit of a stretch ! fwiw

    .

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  22. Le Fly

    Ppt already said all it needed to say. The rest is up to destiny

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  23. Le Fly

    Dow 10,000 here we come!!!

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    • alf44

      … Hell … DOW 10,000 is barely 100 points away !!!

      That is entirely doable … hell that’s doable tomorrow morning in the first hour of trading !

      So what !!!

      Do yourself a favor and BAIL from your LONG exposure … if you should be presented with that fortuitous occurance !!!

      Or, not … whatev !!!

      .

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    • arch

      call me deranged but i concur….that was the last of the dow 9k”s…..im stickn with you all the way to 11,500 maybe more

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      • alf44

        YOU’RE DERANGED !!!

        You DID … afterall … ask to be referred to in such a manner !

        Glad to oblige !

        11,500 … maybe more ???

        Step away from the BONG my stoned lil friend !!!

        .

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  24. Alvari40

    IF we can close above 10,160, we will rally 7% to 11,328.

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    • alf44

      …well…you ARE DERANGED …there … I said it … and you didn’t even ask to be referred to in
      such a way !!!

      That just may be the most ridiculous assertion that I have seen here … uhhh … lately !!! fwiw

      In fact … that is stratospheres of ridiculousnessness above today’s “cocky castration call” !!!

      GAWD … you gotta love that alliteration) !!!

      But …I digress !!!

      .

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    • Name

      and more… 😉

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  25. hawaiifive0

    Serious question,

    Has anyone studied the relationship between late evening futures and the the next day market.

    It probably can’t be a positive correlation or that would be too easy. However, everyone seems to act like it’s important.

    Ideas anyone?

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