Pardon my mentally ill style of exclamatory title making; but it appears the banking system is about to get a barnyard kick to the nuts tomorrow morning.
I bring great news, with feverish excitement (no idea what that really means): [[BAC]] is in dire need of $34 billion, according to some rogue news agency. That’s all, nothing to see here. They need 34 bill, so that they could redecorate every house in the world, 20 times over, fly back and forth to the fucking moon, then make room for some kickass bonuses, circa 2006 style.
What sort of “stress test” is this, when the results say our largest bank needs $34 billion? It’s a fucking death sentence, not a test.
My Grandmother, may God bless her soul, used to say: “(Fly), if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything.” Grandpa would retort: “No one likes a rat. Rats live in dirty basements with homeless men, who don’t know what honest work is. Don’t be a rat or else you will become homeless.”
With that worldly advice, I suggest President O’Bama should stop snitching on the banks. Quit being a player hater, O. After all, all BAC wants to do is spend some money on cheap brokerage firms, just before their respective businesses detonate and get blanketed by nuclear winter style fallout.
Fuck financial Armageddon; this is a game of elimination. Truth be told, if BAC needs $34 bill, HA!, they’re doner [sic] than a bun on the sun having fun with a gun, pardon the lack of a witty pun.
On that news, the market will likely travel to new highs tomorrow. The problem with many of you stems from your insistence on being an ideologue. You made some coin shorting the market and now it’s the only trick in your screwball bag.
Tomorrow morning will be interesting, since many bears will attempt to throw the weak into the “wall of worry.” If tomorrow’s dip is absorbed and met by the bulls, it will get extraordinarily ugly for the ideologues, via humiliating melt up.
Until then, let’s all have a drink to famine and pestilence, 2008 style.
If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter
Nah. Bears win tomorrow.
Lazy, did you see ES stop right at the EMA 20 on tonight’s dead cat?
Whoops, I’m not using ticks, but 5 min bars.
^^^^^^^^
THE WOODSHEDDER BOTTOM !!!
How long have you been saying that? Actually, you haven’t said anything. You are spoken for by R2d2-3000, who has not held a position for more than 39 seconds.
Jog On
GM, BAC, It’s all good. Green Shoots everywhere. Emeril pasta, plates and spices on fucking fire! BAM!
A bonafide contract on The Gretsky House will mark this new bottom.
Fly, don’t grow some balls… Bear win tommrow.. if not bull win the battle and bear will win the WAR you MF! You greedy bull long bastard will get your piggy head chopped!
By the way, I WISH IS ARMAGEDDON TOMORROW! I hope the whole human race gets wipe off the face of earth, because we are killing everything anyway, eventually we going to kill ourself! I hate everything, die die die!
fly are you 100% the market is going up tommorow please reply fast
Hah. Last time I shorted the indices it was April 6, and the trade was closed for a gain. I have been very, very patient, and I may be rewarded for it.
What does a time horizon have to do with anything?
I bought 10000 FAZ @ 6.40. If this news is true I will be on a vacation sooon.
“You made some coin shorting the market and now it’s the only trick in your screwball bag.”
precisely, most assuredly, spot-on, etc..
you no nothing and your grandma called you fly thats fucking gay you fucking poser and the market is going down tommorw all my small caps that i recommended will go up.. you can look flypuss not steal and everyone fly blocked me because he cant handle the truth hes stealing my picks
O is no Playa hata!! He just want you to get yo TLT on Dawg!!
Wood,
All I saw is money pouring into my account fast.
I’m going for a 50% retrace from Monday then…
I have no friggin idea where this goes…
I’ll wait for sumptin good.
One thing for sure, I’ve never been 100% like this and will probably never do it again – up ALL night last night watching and prob will be again tonight.
blues, if you keep that up you might get a tab here.
The Fly…funny as always! Tomorrow we get to see PPT in action!! It has more than 6 hours..should be more than enough. I am out of my XLF calls today and now all shorts. If PPT gets lazy, I liquidate all my shorts at the opening bell and clear the fuck out.
Ahhhh…EVERYTHING is going down tomorrow including small crap stocks. In fact, they will probably go down further than any other sector except banks and financials. My HUGE stake in FAZ will make my year. NEW LOWS ahead.
Bulltards will eventually die of their own “piggishiness” bunch of fat a$$ dumb MF!
Read this and weep
http://market-ticker.denninger.net/archives/1008-Stress-Tests-Whats-That-Light.html
BAC doesn’t need 34 billiong they need fu**ing 100 billion!
Tomorrow the Govt will come out and say the $34 billion was a typo. It should read $3.4 billion. Party on. Dow 10000.
Blues- your English scares me.
34B is the stroke of a pen. No biggie.
GM shareholders getting wiped like a dirty baby butt – now THAT is a story.
10 billion? I’m sorry I meant 34 Billion. And by 34 billion I mean 100 billion..
My HUGE stake in FAZ will make my year.
Poor (literally) bastard.
_____
bulls are gonna win tomorrow.
there are far too many “ya think ?” fuckers out there than we know. friday may suck snot, but tomorrow bulls win.
If they will wipe GM, they will wipe Citi and others as needed. They were all “fuckin’ speculators” anyway.
These pink sheets everybody has been banking on lately are probably safer.
1. invoke a terrifying internal and external enemy. check 2. create secret prisons where torture takes place. check 3. develop a thug caste or paramilitary force not answerable to citizens(blackwater ops) check 4.set up an internal surveillance system. check 5.harass citizens groups, infiltrate citizens groups. check 6. engage in arbitrary detention and release. check 7. target key individuals (michael savage). check 8. control the press…duh. check 9.treat all political dissidents as traitors. check 10. suspend the rule of law. declare martial law. coming soon to a theatre near you.
hay Fly
this sounds like your fast drop and pop. S&P 800 sound right ?
Granpa said “Rats live in dirty basements with homeless men…..”
I’m sure you corrected Grandpa that because the men were in the basement, by definition, they aren’t homeless men.
oh yea… above post is your basic blueprint for a tyrannical dictatorship in the state.
Quiet Storm, shut the fu** up you dumb a$$ bulltard!
Read this also!
http://market-ticker.denninger.net/archives/1010-GM-Shareholders-Poof!.html
GM is going to add gas on fire tomorro!
Fly:
The report isn’t credible. It easy to see what they have done.
BAC has an estimated 2.6% tangible common equity at the moment. According to reports the fed will require banks to have around 4% in order to meet the worst case scenario.
4% – 2.6% = .53 * 58 market cap = $31 billion.
Market cap is a decent measure of TCE at the moment as most of the banks are trading below book value (whatever that is)
However there are plenty of other facets that so called research firm has missed out that goes in the stress test.
Credit Suisse’s take is that they will need around $10 to $15 billion. This amount is pretty well priced in the market although I think today’s price action in the stock seems to indicate that people think it will be on the lower side of estimates (which I think is wrong).
Stop frightening the shit outta me.
kunal
You were banned for poor grammar and insufficient IQ. Go play with your retard friends on Twitter.
That’s an interesting piece of news, but it’s hard to say exactly how the markets will take it. On one hand, I see that a lot of guys wanting to shrug it off & trade non-financials, as is the current trend. BUT… “Firms requiring more capital could raise all the funds through conversions of preferred shares if they choose” might bring the dreaded “OMGLOL NATIONALIZATION” argument back on the table. Honestly, I don’t think the market really wants to care until earnings are thru.
Either way I’ll probably just buy the dip, selectively, or just short if it’s really some game changer.
P.S. – FAZ sucks, don’t buy it.
Forgot a couple things:
11. Place special “laser receptive” argon gas in all Crest and Colgate toothpaste tubes.
12. Focus laser via cable access channels and amplified via cathode ray tube, plasma displays, etc.
13. Fire laser during all WWE, Food Channel and Charlie Rose programming (AC pulse)
14. Transmit first programming spool “Voices in Head: I”
______
“Place special “laser receptive” argon gas in all Crest and Colgate toothpaste tubes.”
Jake – that’s top shelf – why would they only go after the pearly-white-teeth crowd?
i guess it’s been a while since someone has really hammered you. you’re not worth that. you are worthy of being being bitch slapped by a big motherfucker, however. why don’t you give me your address so we can have a drink together… you silly little bitch.
Nicely put. But Oprah has a patent on the “O”. She’s giving out free chicken right now for the rats.
lifelong crest user. hands down, best t-paste there is. colgate sucks.
15. Mind altering compounds in M&Ms and Hershey Kisses
wassup… you adjusting your g-string.
Jake, you’re gonna get your eyes poked out, with a tin foil hat…
Remember, I’m always watching and waiting
eric,
Crest Nighttime takes t-paste to whole nother level. INSANE!
Now, no more toothpaste talk else Fly will get all angry and shit.
DEVILDOG talking shit, despite FAZ trading at near a 52 week low. Congrats on a potential gain tomorrow. Should help offset your 50-90% loss from the past few months.
Kunal certainly does have a way with words doesn’t he?
Fly is that the first time you’ve banned someone for having to low an IQ?
no one cares about GM – $2 stock and everyone knows they are headed for chap 11 so what is the big news?
BAC is more serious but not a huge event either. What is 34 bil in 1 tril scheme? Plus are not they profitable?
hey DD, get a good price for your FAZ and get out 🙂 This could be your last opportunity to make any decent price in it if it gets bump tomorrow. It is in the process of slowly dying.
Seriously, I made 60% exclusively short in 2008. You bears need to smarten up or you will not have enough powder left to play the real downturn, coming late summer ’09.
nighty nite… twink:)
Fly, you know I go long and short. Hell, I just closed out three longs this morning.
Part of my game is to time the index swings, and I’m pretty damn good at that. I don’t think I’ve ever recommended getting short, and staying short, for more than a few days.
I agree about late summer 09.
My Dad used to use this tooth powder stuff, something like Pepsodent, in a tin. It was a light powder that you poured out. Shit would make your teeth clean. Like acid.
This just in……..Reuteres
WASHINGTON, May 6 (Reuters) – Regulators have concluded Bank of America (BAC:$10.84,00$0.46,004.43%) needs to raise $34 billion in capital, adding to investor jitters over U.S. bank “stress tests” even as policymakers cited signs of a tentative recovery from recession.
U.S. stock futures fell 1 percent on Wednesday after a source told Reuters the unprecedented stress tests on 19 lenders had concluded the biggest bank by assets required additional capital worth around half its current market value of $69.4 billion.
DEVILDOG brushes his teeth with DEVILDOGS.
LOL @futs dropping 1%. We’re going up.
Wood
I wouldn’t know, since your trades are relegated to mystery theatre.
Oh Shit. The Fly has spoken. Downturn coming to a place near you Late Summer . Hosted by the Fly. Special Appearances by AlphaDawgg Woodshedder and RC . Live performance by DEVILDOG. After party hosted by jAKEgINT. Get your ticket today. Brought to you by ODD NO Productions LLC Affiliate of Fuck You You’re Dead Entertainment Inc.
DOW to 25,000
daddy needs a new beach house.
Okay. So what this means is everything goes down. Then around noon ya buy what shouldn’t have gone down. Watch something drop 25% then buy it and enjoy 18% gain. Simple game. Gotta love it.
banker,
GM is a big deal.
A bankruptcy court wiping out the value is one thing – and yes, it was expected.
A random government decision to eliminate the market cap of a Dow component is, for sure, another. Just let that sink in for a minute.
How can an investor have confidence in the system if said system is breaking down?
Jake – that’s top shelf – why would they only go after the pearly-white-teeth crowd?
Because the Tom’s of Maine crowd is already paranoid.
________
one thing that sucks about FAS and FAZ, although its not probably, is that they are limited to 75% gains
Lazy
Incourect. No one cares about GM. Go fuck a Crysler muffler with that thinking.
Arnie — you kiss your mama with that mouth?
Make sure you brush your teefs first.
_______
Looks like the not so credible report seems to be credible. WSJ is now reporting BAC needs $34 billion.
Josh — I don’t care so much about your Devil Dog Jr Armegeddon calls, but could I put in a request that you figure out a new screen name?
“Josh” is fine, btw. Just a suggestion.
_____
How can an investor have confidence in the system if said system is breaking down?
———–
i do not know. But apparently investors have enough confidence to push BAC to 10 from 4 and JPM to 35 from 16 and AXP to 24 from 12.
As for the DOW component – i waited a minute but it did not do anything for me.
its perfectly fine if you just call me Josh…. but if you insist perhaps. I will just post as Josh
Just got home, read this entire thread. Laughed my ass off. You’re all nuts! I love it! Thanks for the evening entertainment!
Oh, and fook that kunal clown from twatter….
Yeah, the bizarre number and letter thing makes me seasick.
A little too “twee” too, if you know what ahm sayin’…..
_____
Banker:
I don’t think people were expecting those sorts of capital requirements that are now being mentioned. If they’re correct then people will quickly lose confidence in the banks as he government then becomes a big player on the board. Imagine!
Kunal is right.But I’m not sure what
it was he said.But he is fucking right.
Fox Pitt Kelton’s Andrew Marquardt said today that based on his version of a stress test, Bank of America will need no additional capital.
Hang Seng gleen?
_____
World markets yawning this off.
Gasparino will break report saying this leak is erroneous and off come the bears balls, yet again.
Now get back to the basement, kid. Enough playing with foul mouthed old darts.
BTW, Buy QSII on dips.
This will add to the confusion re: BAC
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/06/business/06stress.html
Looks like their total cash cushion needs to be 34B… not adding another 34B
Actually the more I think about about it, the capital demands on BAC may not be as bad as seen at face value.
My figuring is that BAC may need (approx) no more than $15 billion
Here’s why:
Announced it’s selling its stake in China bank for $8 billion
Also announced selling that private bank for $4 billion
Showed a profit for the quarter of $4.2
The capital demand requires the bank to get into shape in 6 months after the announcement which allows for 2 more quarters of potential profits that can be used to anchor the capital base.
Given that the market has probably discounted $15 billion which is in ball park estimates demand the stock shouldn’t be too damaged after people think about it.
Ma — already gots, plenny.
______
J — make up yer mind, and take a position fer gawd’s sake.
________
NYT quotes a BAC exec for confirmation on the $34 billion figure….
ALERT
Some of you fucktards are not jerking fast enough on the 34 bill porn.
OMG!
OMG!
OMG!
The fugggginnnnn’ fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttessssssssss~~!!
(pant) (pant) (gasp!)
_____
I’m thinking out aloud, jake. I’m trying to turn a pig into a beauty contestant seeing I only sold 1/2 my pos in the fucking thing last night.
LUFF LUFF LUFFF
AWLLLOOOO
AWL AWL AWLOOOOOOOOO
OMG, what will we do?
Financial spreadbetters expected Britain’s FTSE 100 .FTSE
to open 18 to 23 points lower, or as much as 0.5 percent,
Germany’s DAX .GDAXI to open 16 to 23 points lower, or as much
as 0.5 percent, and France’s CAC-40 .FCHI to open 7 to 15
points lower, or as much as 0.5 percent.
ROFL ^^^^^
I won’t see anything funnier n’ that tonight.
Night all.
________
Maybe Chuck will opine on BAC tonight after the Nuggets game. Have you notice, all of the Vegas casinos have been rocking since he got out? Coincidence, I think not.
BTW, I just went to GoDaddy.com and registered BAC34BPorn.com. Best 7.99 I spent all yr
34B? please. that’s like mc hammer track money. going to need triple digit Bs to make FAZ go higher for more than 34 minutes.
eat like it’s your last meal! make it good, go get a McGangBang.
Got out of my longs today. I think we’re too close to a coin toss tomorrow to bother with it. Waiting for the next obvious dip, when momentum is oversold for most of the market, before loading up again.
J,
Nice work. Liked your reasoning on the first BAC formula (4% – 2.6% = .53 * 58 market cap = $31 billion) better.
____________
Jake,
“The Final Toothpaste Solution” is hilarious. I think that induces a variation of the “Video Drome” syndrome. Gallium arsenide is your better laser bet, however. Solid state and it glows a photogenic blue-green.
____________
kunal,
Try lining your aluminum foil hat with lead and start taking lithium supplements.
Or the other way around. Poor bastard.
The stress test makes the banks go back to 6 to 1 not 34 to 1 – it’s blackmail pure and simple..the Fed’s way of making sure their bitches behave. The banks want it both ways, the greedy little bitches. Give anything enough time and it won’t look so bad..even these worthless assets…the banks were prevented from buying more time, whilst making green on the current credit spread. Banks must make loans to make any of this money back…that they gave some of this money to foreign holdings should have been a criminal offense…BAC is the achilles heel..USB and WFC may get a hall pass…
Obama says play it my way or I will send the brown shirts after you (just like I am doing to those nasty Chrysler debt holders who won’t play ball).
Secured status?
Means nothing to me. I am POTUS.
Oh yeah. Be damn the Constitution.
http://www.thestar.com/article/628715
I honestly can’t believe this. The pre-market in Bac fell to 9.60ish and is now 10.58, a mere few cents below yesterdays close . What the fuck is going on in this market, are things really this bullish or that market is too small. However even if it small it shouldn’t this high.
Hey if the government said they needed $70 billion perhaps the stock could be at 20 bucks by now.
I’m saying this and I’m still long of this crappy stock and even I am bearish for bac after the news.
BAC needs 34 bil–I’m stunned.
1/3 of the way to 1 tril–a ton.
To prove he’s no loser and that he’s won,
O will bail out anyone
Except you and me–we get none.
The market believes this is the end of the need for raising capital.
Always looking forward whether right or wrong.
TC:
at a minimum the shareholders are looking to a 25% dilution which is a $15 billion capital injection assuming they’re able to get the other amount through asset sales and retained earnings (over the next 6 months). how the fuck could the stock stay where it is unless people are expecting a commensurate increase in earnings which wasn’t exactly the topic of the day recently.
Ummmmmmm.
correction to my earlier the comment. the premarket has the stock trading 8 cents higher than yesterday’s close now. I kid you not.
I’m selling my shot in dribs and drabs now.
TraderCaddy Says:
The market believes this is the end of the need for raising capital.
Always looking forward whether right or wrong.
——————————————————-
From Thain’s mouth to God’s ear so to speak?
J….Everything including BAC just got a huge pop from the ADP jobs report which showed a -491,000 M/M Difference compared with last months -742,000 M/M Difference
I saw BAC down there also and its now up 3.3%!! bonkers!
FAZ ftmfw Dog! you are the man! If you lose 50% in 2 weeks are you a great trader or merely good?
Fucking idiots.
Up we go.
Dr. Soused Says:
BAC needs 34 bil–I’m stunned.
1/3 of the way to 1 tril–a ton.
_______________
Dr, 34 billion is not 1/3rd of a trillion, 350 billion is a 1/3…….1000 billion is a trillion not 100 billion.
Thanks Richy.
——–
Hey, does anyone ever read the Google blogs on stocks. Some of the freaking comments there are priceless.
Yeah because the Story about BAC’s capital requirements and need for
additional capital was completely CRAP!
TIME TO SCREW THE LYING WEASELS WHOM SHORTED THE STOCK AND SPREAD THE
RUMORS. BEND OVER SHORTERS ITS COMING!!!
and this one;
Someone ** cough cough hedge fund ** with a large short position
wanted out so they called in some favors and had the misleading 34B
capital story floated around so they could cover early this morning.
Clearly afterhours when no one at BAC was around to make a comment.
BAC already said they’re not raising 10B as reported earlier this
week. Why would they deny 10B if they’re having to raise 34B.
MARKET MANIPULATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHA
this always makes me optimistic that the human race is passing better “jeans” to the next generation. NOT
Not suprising, it’s all smoke and mirrors.
Just go with the flow, and get ready for the biggest fucking crash anyone has ever seen.
On Monday, Steve Grasso stated that he was long the XLF and BAC (I think). At first, I found it a little odd that he was buying ahead of the stress test, but guys like that don’t bet. They know. That was the only piece of data that you needed to pay attention to. Banks higher all week.
The Street is getting behind the Networking stocks — time for CSCO and ALU to pack on some points.
Long a combined 500 calls 300 CSCO May 22’s (.1) and 200 ALU Jun 2.5’s (.275)
Comeback time.
Hey at this rate and in this market you’re dead meat if you buy profit making stocks. In fact GM and Chrysler could be the blue chips in this parallel universe we’re entering where the sky is purple and kids grow to be young.
Hmmmm.
Who told you about ALU first?
Just cook up a bullshit ADP jobs report # and watch the morons gobble it up.
Recession is over, banks are liquid, come out your bomb shelters and buy all you can.
200 MA here we come.
A 2008 era 3-5% move up would be nice – say 5 points on SPY would put us right there.
Crox on fire again, up 15% in pre, to 4.32
That would be you Great Sir that presented ALU…thank you for the idea. I will repay you shortly by joining PPT.
Fly — you usually don’t troll around the board in the AM’s. Skip the gym this morning?