iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,689 Blog Posts

The Important Matter of Running for President

As you know, “The Fly” has hinted that he might run for President in 2008, in order to “save the country” and create policy to “punch off the jaws of the bears.”

Now, I understand many of you might have a problem voting for a guy who refers to himself in the third person, who claims to regularly ride in a “time machine,” in order to extract information from the future– so that he might “bank a little coin,” via stocks, in the present.

Never mind that.

Let’s talk about something important. Put that coffee down fuckface….

Sorry, I was a bit distracted. Back to the campaign.

Just know, voting for “The Fly” will result in a major tax cut for the rich– and a hike on the poor. Think about it.

I believe, leaving the tax rate too low, for the poor, leads to complacency aka laziness. Should those WMT shopping fuckers get slapped with a 25% penalty for income under 100k, they might become motivated to “get on the road to prosperity,” already.

I want to see those poor fuckers become rich, so that they may enjoy low tax rates, and buy stuff from SKS and BID.

With regards to defense:

As President, I will annex Mexico and Canada. Why fuck around with borders and political bullshit?

Look, this country needs more oil and cheap labor. Plus, when Mexico becomes part of the U.S., those border fuckers won’t have anything to bitch over, with regards to “illegal aliens.” However, on second thought, they probably will move down to the Guatemala-“New U.S.” border, to bitch about those pesky Guatemalans getting in.

We’ll deal with that problem later.

With regards to interest rates:

I will appoint Larry Kudlow as my Fed Reserve Chairman, thereby ensuring “Goldilocks” stays alive.

With regards to health care:

With Mexico and Canada under our belts, the uninsured health care crisis will be eliminated. With all the cheap labor available, “The Fly” will build many health clinics to treat the uninsured. The clinics will be maintained and funded by big pharma– sorta of like big drug dealing locations for them. Thus, the health care will be free, paid for by PFE, MRK, LLY, etc. All you (U.S. voting fools) have to pay for is “medicine insurance,” which will be very, very cheap– thanks to the cheap drugs being made in “Old Mexico.”

Finally, as President or Presidente (depending on where you live), “The Fly” will use the U.S. treasury as one big sovereign fund. Meaning: I will “day trade” or invest the treasury in publicly traded stocks, becoming a nightmare to all short sellers of the world. I will have my staff run a daily list of the most heavily shorted stocks and buy those companies out for triple digit premiums, effectively transferring the assets from bearshitter to bullshitter– rather seamlessly.

The one caveat to my Presidency is anonymity. Yes, “The Fly” will remain anonymous during his term as President, in an effort to conduct personal assaults on foreign leaders, without fear of repercussions.

For example:

If “The Fly” was Presidente back in 2003, prior to the war with Iraq, I, under the secrecy of anonymity, would have had personal (one on one) discussions with Saddam Hussein. During my diplomatic mission, whenever he would mouth off some shit like “death to America” or “fuck you and your nukes,” I would have punched his fucking mustache clean off his face, demanding information as to the whereabouts of all those fucking weapons– and shit.

Then, 15 minutes later, I, as President, would call Saddam and apologize for my “Ambassador’s” unprofessional diplomacy. You know, punching his mustache off and all.

I would use these “tactics” over and over again, until every world leader was “mustache-less.”

Fly for President, 2008.

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