18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,046 Blog Posts

Death to ETFC; Market Rally Underway

I must admit, being a full service type of guy, I despise those filthy hatfuckers at ETFC.

Sure, they’ll let you do cheap trades, until those assholes file bankruptcy–leaving your bullshit brokerage accounts in escrow.

Look you, if you are stupid enough to have 7 figures in an E-Trade account, I strongly suggest taking it out, just in case.

However, it’s worth noting, the stock may bounce from here–especially on a short squeeze.

As a result of ETFC‘s asshattery, SCHW and AMTD are picking up the pieces, via stellar price action. After all, should ETFC die, those fuckers benefit.

As of now, the rally is being led by airlines, homies, retail and trannies.

If I was going to throw dice at a sector, for a trade, I’d look to retail, ahead of “credit card season.”

Within the group, I like JCG, SKX, COH and JWN.

Also, as “fat fucker day” arrives (Thanks Giving), food and beverage stocks may run.

There, I like WBD, WFMI, KR and HANS on a pullback.

If you are looking to play the restaurant sector, BWLD and MSSR look cheap.

Finally, the tech sector is not doing too well, with BIDU, RIMM and GOOG  in the red. My guess, investors are selling expensive names and going bargain shopping, which ironically is creating a bargain in tech.

Right here, I like FMCN, RIMM, VMW and LFT.

However, it’s worth mentioning, “The Fly” will not buy anything today. I bought lots of shit last week, in the midst of the “inferno of fun.” For now, I’ll be waiting for a short killing rally, while eating this here bowl of oatmeal.

NOTE: Ever since that LFT (Longtop Financial) shit came public, the market has been in the shit box. An ominous name, indeed.

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iBankCoin Launches; Shorts Get Their Balls Cut off

Is it any surprise?

As you know, we are due for some sort of space magic type bounce, considering the relentless selling of last week.

Also, the shorts are way over zealous, selling big banks below or near book value.

Again, with my money, I want to be long the banks for the upcoming short squeeze, which will be brutal.

Within my positions, the big stand out is HANS. That fucker has booked almost 10 points, since its earnings day massacre.

Considering the recent run, I don’t want to buy more HANS here. Wait for a dip.

My guess, the market sprints 2% today, effectively “de-balling” the jerk offs who shorted into Friday’s close.

On this bounce, CFC, BWLD, VMW,VMI, GRMN, and MVIS are worth a look.

Finally, my fucking “shotgun to the head pick,” VMI, is starting to piss me the fuck off, with its queer price action.

Don’t you fuckers know there isn’t going to be enough fresh water supplies to sustain the fucktarded population growth in the world, short term?

Milk the farmer. He has loads of money.

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Hey Fuckers: Welcome to iBankCoin.com

This site is not like other financial websites. So, if you came here for serious, bullshit commentary on the markets, please fuck off– and go for a swim in your local reservoir.

Look you, “The Fly” is an evolved version of you. Some might call him a “space alien magician” or “Human 2.0.” To simplify matters, just recognize the obvious: you’re here reading this shit, while I’m counting gold bricks or eating fantastically large bowls of oatmeal.

As you already know, this website will be sold for millions of euro’s (“The Fly” no longer accepts dollars)– down the road.

On my old blog, I interviewed numerous “weekend bloggers” and decided to “hire” the two who stood out most: Danny and Woodshedder.

Danny makes cool vids and Wood plays with charts and shit.

Enough about them.

Oh, before I forget, “Mr. Bilderberg” will be offering his idea’s, whenever his busy schedule permits. In short, Bilderberg makes “The Fly” uneasy, mainly due to his net worth being considerably higher– and is on the cusp of the Fortune 400 list. He also “controls” lots of important people.

He will remain anonymous, indefinitely. Fuck him.

Jeremy built this fucking site, by himself, from the dirty, filthy cellars of Yahoo hosting, to the wonderful palace called Webstrike Solutions (free plug). Let me just say, Jeremy is one heck of a programmer and will be spared, whenever “The Fly” decides to start having you fuckers arrested.

Finally, we have created “The Peanut Gallery.”

The Peanut Gallery is a place where anyone can apply to post their fucktarded thoughts and opinions on financial matters. Once approved, you will be free to post whenever you like.

However, it’s worth noting, should your syntax and content slip a bit, “The Fly” will set fire to you quicker than a blow torch in a Valero gas refinery.

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Asshat Award: Donald Trump


Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Come on, do I really have to explain why this man^ is an asshat? My man Howard has opined on the fucktard named “The Donald,” in prior posts. I’m sure he’d like to add another 2 cents.

Basically, “The Fly” believes no matter what happens for the remainder of 2007, no one will eclipse the level of “asshattery” Trump now embodies.

This man is a bankruptcy machine. Look at his new stock, TRMP. This thing is a fucking joke.

In short, Trump talks a very big game, but has a small wiener. Seriously, if Trump was within 50 yards of me, I’d have someone punch his eyebrows off. Plus anyway, his bullshit show, “The Apprentice,” is plain ole vanilla gay.

I’ll let the mob (you) fill in the rest.

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ASSHAT AWARD: Peter Schiff


Friday, August 17, 2007

This man just went on CNBC and declared “The Great Depression, part 2” is coming to America, with all its lovely trimmings, such as high unemployment, collapse of the U.S. dollar, banks going out of business and interest rates to 20%.

To make matters worse, he believes, despite the world’s largest market going offline and its people becoming “poor,” the rest of the world will get “rich.” Hence, he is buying foreign stocks.


Har, har, har. Robster too expensive.

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Asshat Award: Eric “the oil barrel” Bolling

As I watched CNBC’s “Fast Money” last night, I nearly choked on the potato chip I was eating, when Eric “the oil Barrel” Bolling recommended to his viewers to sell short GOOG because he fucking dreamed it was down 70 points.


Come on. Upon hearing this “asshattery,” I knew GOOG would fucking ramp– immediately. Look at the stock, asshat, it’s up 9 bucks.

To make matters worse, “oil barrel” exclaimed: one of his buddies had a dream about GOOG being down big too. Which, in his head, fortified his newly founded bearish position on the stock.

I must say, of all the fucktarded things I’ve encountered on Wall Street, this tops them all.

This man must be eating hallucinatory mushrooms, prior to having such asshat dreams.

In short, making recommendation to millions of CNBC-tards, based upon a dream, gets an immediate “Emergency Asshat Award.”


UPDATE: GOOG now up $12.

UPDATE II: GOOG now up $14.

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Asshat of the Week Award: Dennis Gartman


Friday, March 23, 2007

It was a close one, but Dennis gets the “Asshat Award.” On March 6th, 2007, while the market was on the decline, Dennis appeared on CNBC’s Fast Money and declared “we are in a global bear market.” He said a bunch of other crap about Gold too, but I was too busy eating a hamburger with pickles, at the time, to hear him clearly. You know, the pickles were snapping in my ears.

Anyway, now that the markets are back to ripping the throats out of the bear-fuckers, I’d thought it would make sense to give one of these “Asshat Awards” (I have to get these fucking things out the door) to a man who embarrassed himself, family and Eric “the oil barrel” Bolling (Eric invited Dennis to the show) by declaring the end of the global bull market, as we know it, because it was down a few percentage points from the top.


I am sure Dennis has other stuff going on, like news letters and accurate market calls, but I’m not interested. All that matters to me is his declarative statement “global bear market,” coupled with his fucktarded looking tie. In my opinion, both are unacceptable. Hence, the “Asshat Award.”

Watch recent video of Dennis look “Asshattish” as the market fucking rolls on him.

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Asshat of the Week Award: Bob Pisani


Thursday, April 05, 2007

Come on, if Bob didn’t get one of these bad boy’s, the “Asshat Award” would be rendered pointless– considering Bob is fucking King of the Asshats and all.

Bob gets the award for walking around on the NYSE, while saying all sorts of retarded things.

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Asshat of the Week Award: Jordan Greenhall


Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Jordan Greenhall, CEO of DIVX, is my enemy. This man tried to assassinate me, last night, with his fucked up earnings and retarded stock.

Owning DIVX is equal to eating at “The Fly’s” local Chinese restaurant, where the Phoenix dish (a lobster dish if you will) comes without “robster,” because that shit is too expensive.

Where are the fucking earnings Jordan? You forgot to put the earnings in the earnings report– you stupid bastard.

I wouldn’t want to throw small hand axes at Jordan’s face (not his real face, a photo) if DIVX just missed the quarter. This man fucking guided up, two weeks ago. He said business was flippin’ great– and everyone piled into his stock.

Luckily for “The Fly,” I had a chance to cash in some chips at $23, but not enough.

Trust me when I say, if it wasn’t for BWLD skinning the shorts alive today (major position of “The Fly”), I’d dispatch several internet laser beams, effectively destroying DIVX‘s bullshit website.

In short, unlike my local Chinese restaurant, where the owner demonstrates why he is true master, selling “robster” dishes, minus the “robster,” Jordan is just a plain ole’ vanilla gay asshat.

Hence, I give him the “Asshat of the Week Award.”

NOTE:The Ducati” was right.

Congrats, dick.

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Asshat of the Week Award: Banc of America


Friday, May 11, 2007

In an unprescedented move, “The Fly” is awarding an entire bank one big fucking asshat award– for hiring William Ho, analyst from Piper Jaffrey.

In short, Banc of America wooed William Ho, from “Piker Jackme,” back in 2006. As a result, Mr. Ho released this gem, on April 24th, 2007:

Dendreon: Provenge approval likely as politics is a factor; efficacy a question – BofA (16.78 ) -Update : Banc of America anticipates an approval decision on Provenge by May 15th, under the condition of completing the Ph III IMPACT trial, and expect potential stock price appreciation in the near term. They understand that DNDN is well prepared for a potential launch and believe Provenge can be out on the market by late 2007. If approved, the firm sees potential upside to their price tgt to $29 (current tgt is $20), and if an approvable letter is received potential downside to $6.


Although Mr. Ho tried to check his bullishness for DNDN with a cautionary $6 downside target, it is obvious he was drinking the DNDN beer.

Since then, the stock is down an amazing 70%, inside 3 weeks.

Hence, BofA deserves the “Asshat of the Week Award,” for hiring William Ho, who just destroyed their entire biotechnology research department.


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