Special Message From Your Future Local Chinese Prison Factory: HAR, HAR, HAR

A very nice market reversal for you American cock-a-suckers. I hope you were able to a buy a good amounts of stocks at a higher prices, you fuck-a-face.

On a side note, I’m glad to be hedged. It’s gonna be a fucked up summer.

Early this morning, sure of a market rally, I stepped in and bought SHLD, HEAT, with grandiose visions of striking it rich off Chinese Lotto. Then, as the day went on and the indices declined, I bought more VXX, as I was sure the market was bound to fall into a cup of hot soup, then consumed whole by fucktarded asshats. Now, as I type this pointless blog, the market is up 70, effectively urinating on the heads of all intra-day party goers.

I should have taken the day off to fish or catch some clams with my harpoon.

“The Fly” is not keen on making mistakes, which is why I am shutting down the trading turret for the day. There are too many stupid cross currents in the market now and it is fucking up my mojo.

As presently constituted, I have about 65% equities, 16% VXX/TZA and 19% cash. I sold off all of my remaining corporate bonds, that were purchased back in the fucked up days of 2008. And, I have decided to bet on tragedy and mayhem, going into the summer months. Mind you, this sort of market position takes a great deal of certitude to execute and can be very frustrating. The reason why bearshitters get flushed out so regularly is due to bad timing—not inaccurate positioning.

I will have you know, I position my portfolios to win, not to fulfill my deep-seated desires to be right all the time. Remember, you have to be in the game to win it. More often than not, you fuckers get flushed out betting one way, due to your impatience and nonsensical perception of time versus your schedule.

I bought 10,000 VXX @ $25.

Disclaimer: If you buy VXX because of this post, you will fall victim to a catapult attack. And you may lose money.

The Supreme Chinese Overlords of all Trade and Commerce (FOXCONN) hoodwinked you into believing in a world where the dollar would suffer grave declines versus the Yuan, all in the name of fucktarded American economic policy that calls for the rapid price increase of Chinese made goods here in America, much to the chagrin of an already battered U.S. credit card wielding fucktard. It’s almost as if they (our leaders) are pissed off that the credit crisis did not result in a 1930’s style depression. So, here they are two years later trying to finish us off.

Either way, as the Chinese say “Ack, ack, ack,” I say “gulp, gulp, gulp,” chugging down large quantities of caffeine, by way of Red Bull or large containers filled with coffee.

Early this morning, I bought a few blocks of HEAT and some more SHLD, in order to reduce my cash and bulk up on degenerate longs, so that I might partake in a little upside euphoria. However, fast forward two hours and we are sucking the dicks of bears again. When I say “we” I only mean “you,” in every sense of the word.

In summary, I have lots of VXX/TZA to hedge my longs, that include PKX, GS, HEAT, SD, FTK, C, IBN, SHLD, GLDD and TEVA. Unlike you, I will not be subject to the market whipsaw, as I am embedded in my market philosophy and will add to current positions, instead of reversing them, when needed.

Firstly, I read the Wall Street Journal every single day. Actually, I read it twice per day. I sift through 100’s of research reports, weekly. And, I read lots of crap posted on the internets, both opinion and news. If you think “reading” doesn’t help one become a better investor, you are fucking retarded. Since when has education, in this case self administered, been a bad thing? See, that’s the problem with you lazy fucking faggots, clinging onto charts. It’s just another excuse to avoid reading and learning.

If you want to learn the business, read the Wall Street Journal every single day, for starters. And, get it out of your head that “all analysts are stupid.” That, in so many ways, is idiotic. First of all, I do not need an analyst to tell me when to buy/sell stocks. However, I need an analyst, greatly, to do tedious data mining, to present facts in a professional format. Without analysts, we’d have a bunch of jackasses, not too much different from the movie Idiocracy, kicking each other in the nuts, whenever XYZ crossed over the “Rubicon Line” of the 200 day moving average.

The Chinese are lying when they say “we will depeg from the U.S. dollar.” It’s like the movie Mars Attacks, when the space pimps addressed congress, in a gesture of peace. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. People want to buy stocks, so they will go up. That’s all that matters and there is no point over thinking this shit.

My PKX is exploding to the upside and my VXX isn’t doing too bad, all things considered.

Into the rally, I like SHLD, SD, FTK and HEAT.

Futures are pointing higher because China lied about their intentions regarding depegging from the US dollar. People, all of a sudden, are into the risk trade, big gay time.

Kind folks from the interwebs, the 19,000 dollar bacon cheeseburger is back on the table, ready for your gluttonous consumption. All of the fucked up price action in the metals, industrials and semis, during the recent 3 week market swoon, was a joke. Serious investors were on a Sancho Panza style siesta, while motherfuckers like me were swinging at windmills.

I suppose this means I will have to adapt to the new bull market, by way of throwing a brick of cocaine on the desk and throwing some cold callers into it. Either way, I will end up a fucking winner; because that’s what I do.

Into Monday’s “epic” rally, I am 61% long.

I’ve been busy all weekend, entertaining Mrs.Fly’s great many whimsical ideas, such as the purchase of grotesquely large palm trees , in order to give mi casa somewhat of a “tropical feel.” I’ve also been busy buying “artistic soaps”, at absurd dot com era prices. Let’s not forget the chicken that was seasoned with fucking nuclear fuel that nearly murdered me at dinner tonight.

Thus far, I’m having the time of my life.

I might do a cartoon and shit, if I have some spare time. So you know, Mr. Devildog has some inside information for you internet can of corn fuckers,regarding the Talented Mr. Hayward and the BP project of annihilating the U.S., as revenge for the revolutionary war.

Regarding stocks, bonds and all of that other fancy stuff: who gives a shit? I’m busy getting lifted on some Rothschild Bordeaux right now.

See you fuckers on Monday.

I’m done for the day and I will be right about this next move in the market. Bank on it motherfucker.

NOTE: Thanks to the Godliness of our product, The PPT, we are approaching our 1,000th subscriber. Whoever is our 1,000th subscriber, in the spirit of giving back to the unwashed, will receive an unnamed, and entirely worthwhile, gift, and shit. Indeud.

I know many of you are sucking the markets dick right now. Do yourself a favor and consider the following headwinds.

1. The country of India has passed law that demands publicly traded companies issue float of at least 25% of shares outstanding, by year end. That means more than $50 billion in share sales.

2. BP fucked the planet.

3. Austerity measures around the globe will inevitably expedite the process of financial Armageddon—1930’s style sans Hitler.

4. European banks need to raise more capital.

5. U.S. budget deficit to GDP, ahead of the mass Exodus of the baby boomer generation from the work force to the oiled beaches of Florida, are at historical highs and are unsustainable.

6. U.S. unemployment is fucked.

7. Major investment tax hikes go into effect 1/1/2011, for divvies and long term cap gains.

8. State budgets are out of control fucked, which will lead to another Federal bailout. It certainly doesn’t help when states like Mississippi, who derive 50% of revenue from tourism, have been “tar-balled” by BP—are unable to do anything else, aside from BBQ pigs and show off their pretty beaches. They’re especially fucked.

I can go on and on forever. However, on a Friday afternoon, with the sun shining strong outside, I am opting to avoid “zero-hedging” myself into a pigeon hole of burlap fantasy. All of that macro shit takes a back seat to real time market action. Like it or not, at the moment, the market is bullish on equities. Nevertheless, I cannot help but notice canaries in my coal mine, like the pervasive weakness in X or the incessant strength in GLD.

Until something changes, for better of for worse, I will remain hedged, currently 61% long, 24% cash, 15% VXX/TZA

I can’t wait until hurricane season. With BP lighting oil aflame in the GOM and hurricane season coming, I look forward to hurricanes made from pure fire, ripping through Texas—as part of the Obama Administration’s “scorched Earth” policy. I can see it now, CAT 5 inferno, fueled by BP‘s very best light sweet, burning down the city of Houston—INSTANT CREMATION style. Sure, I see some of you “value shoppers” nibbling on BP/RIG down here, ever so charmingly. However, did it ever occur to you that they have no fucking idea what they are doing and the well will never be shut down? Well, answer me boy, has it?

There is a tomato glut in this country, but a shortage of coffee beans. As you can see, we know how to “prioritize” shit here, unlike those grass eating Greeks. In my estimation, there is not one thing that is desirable about descending from the great continent of Europe. I know they operate under the banner of leisure and tend to stray away from harsh chemicals, such as deodorant. However, they smoke too many cigarettes and drink too much at the dinner table. A bunch of stumbling alcoholics with lung cancer they are. A real plague to the world, in every meaning of the word(s).

Which brings me to my next point. How much Yen is being shuffled around Europe right now? I suspect the Europeans are the main players in this Yen carry trade, by a large degree. It’s no surprise to see the Yen/Euro relationship control this market, down to the last tick. It’s almost as if the fellows from Bank of Japan are the slave masters of the mustached men, dressed in tight fancy pants, smoking Le cigarettes.

In other words, Yen up, Euro down—head for the hills Jack.

With my money, I am decidedly undecided. I am allowed to do that, no? I like the action in GS, HEAT and SD. Aside from that, this market can go to fucking hell on top of a fucking unicorn, for all I care.