THE RETURN OF THE CHINESE LOTTO GUYS

I just sold out of JKS for a one day 10% profit. Then I started looking through my matrix and it dawned on me: The Chinese Lotto Guys are back. Clandestinely, these fuckers started bidding up Chinese stocks this morning as if this was 2007 again. So, instead of hating on them, I joined them. With my JKS proceeds, I bought RENN.

On paper, RENN is a ridiculous value, with over $3 in net cash. However, who really knows what takes place in China? For all I know, RENN is the name of someone’s dog and the companies only specialty is accounting fraud. For the Chinese, accounting fraud is a new form of warfare, think Sun Tzu only gayer.

This morning I sold out of a fairly large position, TCK. I still hold large amounts of WNR, GSVC and CVI to offset the fuckers in VXX. At the moment, with over 50% in cash, I do not have my balls on the line. But that will change, eventually, when my market presents itself.

I must admit, these Chinese burritos are up my alley. Right now there are BIG gains to be be found in WH, CNTF, BSPM, JRJC, DANG, CEA etc. Truly the lowest of the low are running today, always a sign of pending catastrophe, so be careful.

Get the fuck out of here with this “Slovakian drama.” I don’t give a shit about the Slovakian vote, regarding the ESFS. I am a seller here, in order to expose my VXX/TZA and EXH short to the market. I made back my coin and feel blessed to be in a position to get flat into strength. Most of my colleagues are going out of business because they are idiots. I’d call them idiots, while they walk around NYC with crooked sunglasses, only if I thought they’d understand what I meant. Instead, I ignore them.

Do not wait for your bullshit accounts to “get whole.” Your cost basis is meaningless, dip shit. You are better off taking your money and using it as toilet paper, than waiting for the market to understand your plight. I know many of you are sitting on horrendous losses, despite claims of grande extravagance. Do yourself a favor and take it slow. Easy does it. Hit a few singles, then go for a double. The quickest way to dig a hole that can only be fitted for your financial burial is to try to hit homeruns when down big. You’re not thinking clearly, so do less.

UPDATE: I sold out of TCK

Oh there were lots of head fakes over the past two weeks. The market is up over 1,000 points in a week, yet bulls are tripping over themselves to get long and strong into the bell. At the risk of offending some of your fairer sensibilities, dare I say, this market is equal to speed chopping carrots with genitals firmly placed on the kitchen counter.

Once again, your servant, Le Fly, humbly apologizes for using such profane verbiage while discussing the inner dealings of Wall Street.

Aside from disparaging the internet with my X-rated prose, I am zipping (fast) through outerspace, and shit, dropping anvils on fuckers from the mid-west. More than 90% of you fuckers were bearish as hell, just two weeks ago. Now you’re bankrupt. See how that works?

Let’s examine my hand.

Long TZA: very bad.
Long and sold JVA: win.
Long WNR: great
Long TCK: fantastic
Long GSVC: splendid
Long CVI: outrageous
Short EXH: not bad
Long VXX: horrendous

As you can see, net, net, I had a good day, thanks to my longs outstripping my shorts. But my real strength lies in my cash position. I am a seller into momentum, a buyer of blood. Due to recent history, I will be selling into the fanaticism, in order to buy back at lower prices.

With gains more than 14%, stepping into the 4th quarter dressed to kill, I am in no rush to bail out the likes of John Paulson and other underwater fucktards, via chasing momentum.

Once again, “The Fly” humbly apologizes for the motherfucking video he is about to play. If this should upset your Grandparents, tell them “The Fly” said to watch 60 minutes instead and to fuck off.

I swapped my JVA money for JKS.

Disclaimer: If you buy JKS because of this post, you will die. And, you may lose money.

My WNR is loaded up with viagra and ready to go. If you are saddled with a bunch of TZA or another short vehicle, I strongly suggest being patient with your next average down. There are many shorts trapped in this inferno funhouse and sky is the limit, with regards to the S&P. It’s all relative, as the market doesn’t trade on the laws of reason. Eventually, the rubber band will snap and you will make your coin, short stocks. However, just like when markets spiral lower, the key here is to survive. It makes no sense to buy TZA here. I am long TZA and will likely buy more, but not today.

Let the market breathe a little. People want to feel good about themselves again. I dare say, let them bid the shares of JVA or FFIV, as if this was early 2011.

My positioning is next to sublime, even though I am not fully participating in today’s rally. I accepted that fate when I sold on Friday. I will wait for the buyers to burn out, then shoot them as they descend lower.

For now, my top picks are WNR, CVI, TCK, JVA and short EXH. EXH is very weak, despite broad strength in the oil patch.

UPDATE: I sold out of JVA, north of $10.50.

Thank the Lord Belgium nationalized Dexia. That was a close one. Now that Dexia is out of the way, we can can all chew on cocaine leaves and bid up stocks until our faces are numb. Despite my VXX hedge, I am up 0.5% this morning, thanks to the runs in TCK, WNR, CVI, GSVC and TCK. However, on the nose of Santa Claus himself, I do not expect this rally will continue for too much longer.

Having said that, I did warn you of an 8% October melt up, remember? We were down  since April and due for an oversold spike, regardless of the news. The market ebbs and flows to the emotions of people. Let me remind you once again: should you find yourself short stocks in November, you best hedge them with longs because being short stocks into Thanksgiving is always a money losing endeavor.

I haven’t been sucking on helium balloons just yet and realize we are still in October. Do not worry, I do not have a 30lb turkey in the oven and chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Halloween is around the corner, a reminder of sorts to limit short exposure. Nevertheless, I will have no choice but to reduce my long positions into this cocaine tornado.

As an aside, my little floater, JVA, is performing admirably.

More on this later.

Futures are way the fuck higher this evening, on the backs of absolutely nothing. Men with money are snorting 8 balls of cocaine and buying S&P futures. My VXX and TZA hedges stand to get raped on the opening bell, by clowns dressed as gentlemen.

If there is one thing that is true, proven by yours truly over the past two weeks, it is this: you do not need to short stocks in order to make money in a bear market. My recent foray into equities netted 15-30% returns inside of 3 days. Just last week I was down 3%, now I am up 13%. My current strategy is a bit more aggressive, being 10% weighted in VXX with a side order of TZA and short EXH. But that’s just me living the high life, playing with profits.

Make no mistake, investing is an art. There are aspects that can be gamed via mathematical precision. However, for the most part, the seasoned pro fucks up the young punk 9 out of 10 bear markets. While in bull/retardo markets, the younger the better, since young people are too fucking stupid to know the difference between blue chips or red chips.

Reformed Broker has a well spirited attack on the banks.

Personally, I like banks, but harbor great disdain for people who work there, specifically janitors and tellers. Generally speaking, banks are cool. I get to stash all of my money there, use their facilities to feel all important and shit. I even borrow money from them to lever up my balance sheet and buy properties. Sometimes when I get bored I open accounts at different banks, just to see how advanced their ATM machines are.

At times, banks piss me the fuck off, like when they close early on Sundays. Fuck that– bible humpers. I am busy and need your tellers to stay there 24/7, like ghetto check cashing establishments. Also, I get annoyed when their ATM’s run out of cash, like WTF? You’re a bank; you should have money forever.

Some really poor people complain to me about credit card interest rates. I have no real opinions on that, other than the obvious: duh, stop borrowing money. Other people tell me “the banks aren’t lending.” To them I say “maybe they are busy putting all of the money into their fucking ATM machines.”

Lastly, a bunch of people complain about bank executives making a “fuck load of money.” But the bank execs aren’t “the perfect meatloaf” type of guys. They have castles to maintain and harems to update. Their plummeting stock prices is punishment enough.Geez, give a player a break. Handing out large bonuses is the only way to make the bank execs feel better about themselves. A Pimp has to eat too. The world is so depressed right now. We should be happy for the bank execs, as they celebrate their unparalleled success over boat drinks served in diamond chalices.

I am checking out now, amazed by the volatility of today’s action. Just 1 hour ago we were on the verge of bleeding out. Now we are melting up into the bell.

Into further strength, I will sell TCK, some WNR and CVI. However, I will NOT add to shorts, TZA or VXX. The possibility of a run away market is still present. God forbid the Germans decide to rape their populous for the Greeks, we will move 500 points higher from here. Nevertheless, I am content with my year to date gains, especially after benefitting from a garish run– in such a short time frame.

Until proven wrong, I will remain hedged and in a heavy cash position. But, unlike previous times, I will not let any of my positions, long or short, get away from me.

Have a bad weekend.

I’ve been buying VXX this afternoon, in between sips of tea and nibbles of crumpets. I intend to drop as much as 10% of assets into VXX or VIX related vehicles. The thought process is only to hedge against my 30% longs. Also, my EXH short position rings in at 5%. In all, I will have 15% downside exposure by the end of the day, with TZA in my personal–cost basis sub $45.

I am not looking for lightening bolts to the face trading action, just something exceedingly scarier than this.

As always, I will utilize my time machine, aka The PPT, for exit points.

My exposure is 15% short, 30% long, 55% cash