A Special Message from Merlin

Poof! Your bullshit rally is gone.
-Merlin

I don’t get these “Euro-ministers.” Why do they go out of their way to debunk rumors that they are working on a PIGS debt solution? It’s hysterical, frankly. If you are buying here, essentially, you are gambling on the Europeans’ ability to quell this crisis. Ask yourself, “is this a viable thesis?” I am not advocating going short and betting on the world burning to a cinder. Instead, I choose to be a spectator, not a participant.

This is one of those weird moments in time where I have no interest in playing this tape. I am sure it will pass and I’ll be back to shooting arrows tipped with nuclear warheads at errant helicopters in no time at all. But for now, I am net short, with a 70% cash position.

Today’s tell, as always, is TLT.

Look, best case scenario, we get a flush out from here to October, so that we can properly enjoy a Thanksgiving to Christmas rally. I am NOT optimistic on the economy. However, I am very bullish on the shit Santa Claus brings to the table. While you little fuckers are sleeping, he parks his whip on your roof, then breaks into your bullshit house. He doesn’t take his filthy boots off, stepping all over your Persian rugs, eating your cookies. Sometimes he brings his fucking reindeer into your house too. He is truly an egregious man.

In closing, with my money, I am doing nothing. I will be traveling throughout NYC this morning, in my 1980’s style stretch limousine, tossing jumping jacks at piker brokers down near Wall Street. I like to see them jump.

I’ve had a 180 degree reversal in opinion, regarding the ESFS. Without stocks to buttress my bias, I am seeing things with greater clarity. The Germans cannot bail out Europe. They are NOT buying Europe, but being fleeced by Greece, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Ireland and France. The German people should be chained and whipped by cigarette smoking Greek sodomites, then mugged for their life savings.

This makes no sense, whatsoever. Naturally, we are being trained to believe this is “the only option.” Put yourselves in the shoes of a German slave. Imagine if America was forced to buy out (BUY OUT is the operative term) Mexico’s debt? This is an abomination and will never work. In the short term, Greece will be saved and things will appear to be normal, until the economic crisis based around the laws of supply and demand strikes blows to Eurozone economies, leading to the insolvency of Germany itself. Look, if Germany cannot enforce taxation, it makes no sense to bail anyone out.

They should cut their losses and go back to the Deutschmark, else find themselves dead in the water broke a few years from now.

UPDATE: I’ve decided to release brand new algorithms for OVERBOUGHT and OVERSOLD in The PPT tonight. These tools are by far the biggest upgrades in PPT history, which enables user to view OB/OS signals on a 3,6,12 month and historical basis. Right now, the OB/OS is only historical. Now you will be able to view these signals over selective time frames. The market changes all the time. These new tools will help, immeasurably, in determining where the pivot points are.

You know my plight, having ignored The PPT‘s OVERSOLD signals of last week, missing out on this rally. Fast forward a few good market days and things are stretched. It’s always hard to buy the blood. Typically I do it because I am a little off in the head. However, I didn’t this time because I let the headlines fuck with my psyche. You must admit, things just felt like they were going to fall apart. The fucking doors were halfway off the FAZmobile and men in burlap were flailing in the wind with their cocks out. I was adamant about my feelings; but for the most part opted to resist the temptation to sell short–until yesterday’s foray. Nevertheless, I will come out of this volatility almost unchanged, up around 3-4% YTD. I could have literally tacked on 10%, by just holding onto my stocks.

A great man once said “you never get to see it coming, but get to see it go.”

In this regard, I played this tape flawlessly.

Aside from spending my afternoons yelling at illegal Mexican day laborers, I am preparing for the coming sell off. I intend to grow a great beard, arm myself with a Rambo knife at all times, and throw empty cans of creamed corn onto my neighbors lawn. All of these things make me feel better. Being an American, my feeeeeelings are so important.

With regards to sublime harmony of mathematical precision: time is of the essence. I hope you enjoyed your stay in the penthouse, stuffing your fat faces with all of the finest accouterments, for this market is on the verge of fucking everyone and soon.

When I say “everyone” I mean it with extreme conviction.

You people got to be kidding me, bidding me farewell and shit, as if I am done throwing bowling balls at you fuckers. Did you really think a little market adversity was gonna flush me out of this game, paving the way for fucktards like you to take my shine?

Listen you, I’ve been doing this shit since I was 10 years old. While you little brats were busy getting kicked out of trees, Small Fly was busy investing in corporations, plotting to takeover the world, and shit. The stock business is mine. Whether you know it or not, “The Fly” fucking owns this stock game and would never walk away from something that offers such humor and fortune. If you are like me and missed out on the rally, so what. Go make yourself a glass of tea and drown yourself in it.

The market can do whatever the fuck it wants to do. I am 70% cash with a 5% net short position. I have plenty of time and coin to get back on my feet, throwing people off stark raving mad cliffs.

As for this market, it is unsustainable. The whole Germany is gonna rape themselves so the Italians can vacay in Tripoli is absurd. The only way Europe gets bailed out is via IMF. On the bright side, TLT is coming in and the dollar is getting smashed. Valuations for basic material stocks are now pricing in draconian measures, which makes you think a little. How draconian are things? Will 0bama tax the rich and feed us bitter peas?

Will batman be able to get there in time, before his buddy Robin gets sliced in half by a table saw?

All of these questions, AND MORE, shall be answered shortly.

This morning, while driving my kids to school, annoyed by the insulting and moronic music that played in the car in front of me, I decided to retire from the field of investing. There is nothing worthwhile about being a musical monkey, watching dicksuckers on CNBC discuss the trials and tribulations of middle class America or the fate of Greece. None of this means anything to me, as I have my eyes set on much bigger things.

Does this have anything to do with being shaken out at the exact low of the market, last week, and throwing some untimely shorts on the barby yesterday just prior to an epic melt up?

Answer: no

The market is simply a side effect of greater issues at hand at The House of Fly. While some of you risk your entire life’s worth on the whimsical nature of silver, “The Fly” has been contemplating throwing himself into a lit fireplace, due to the recent market events. Mind you, I am not mad anymore about my mis-positioning, as I am onto the next stage of emotional crisis.

Missing out on the biggest rallies of 2011, entirely, is something that cannot be forgiven. Nevertheless, I am now past the vagrancies of the stock market and leave it to many of you, unshaven, low kept, alcoholic, cocaine addicts to figure out. You can watch CNBC and decipher Cramer jargon and etch your findings onto your own Rosetta Stone, so that future generations can understand what the word “boo-ya” really meant.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d offer you some advice and opinion, regarding the market, if I still cared about that sort of shit. But I’m onto new things, totally separate from the market. That’s just the way life works out. One minute you’re tossing millions into flaming barrels of pungent garbage, the next you are in obscene traffic, threatening to murder everyone who cuts you off.

Greece has been saved and Germany now owns all of Europe. The rumor of recession in America is a fucking lie, as we are banking more coin than ever. Poor people don’t count. Never forget that. Stocks will likely go to new all time highs, as well as silver, gold, copper, oil and cotton. Jobs will be created at such a frantic pace, the Federal Reserve will be forced to hike interest rates up to 10% to stem wage inflation. We will also invade Canada and fuck those loggers up something awful. America’s brightest days are ahead of her, starting with another 4 years for our visionary, 0bama.

I want to do the ICE COLD blog post again, since the last one was typed while I was walking, using my fucking iPhone, while wearing sunglasses.

Words cannot express the sheer anger I feel right now. It’s raw and barbaric. Instead of trying to play the market, I’ve decided to light fire to a barrel of garbage, each and every morning, right in front of my house, on the lawn if you will. As the flames burn and “aromacize” my neighborhood with the pungent smell of trash, I will cordially dump hundreds of thousands of dollars into said barrel, while in my robe, slippers, and fitted with a smoking pipe. Gleefully, I will waive to my fucking neighbors, as they go off to build pyramids, or whatever the fuck they do. If any of them try to touch my burning monies, I will throw them into the barrel too.

This will surely offer greater joy than, recklessly and without control, hemorrhaging money due to fear and greed. Fuck those emotions. I am going with aggressive-compulsive disorders from now on.

As I type this shit, I try to remind myself “hey, it’s just a little bit of money. You can make it back up, dipshit.” But then my alter-ego jumps in and punches him in the face and lights his suit jacket on fire, while tossing marshmallows.

It doesn’t matter that I lost “a little bit of money.” I fucking sold out of the market on Thursday of last week, only to see a minor lift on Friday give birth to a monstrous GORILLA RAPING today. The end result, my fucking GSVC went down! You have to love that. Oh, and my WNR gapped the fuck up, whipty (sp?) fucking dooo.

Most of my shorts went up in line with the market, except EXH. Yeah, that motherfucker gapped up A BUCK from my initial short. Now I am married to the bitch and will need to average up. Mind you, this is just one small day. Tomorrow is another day and I am sure the same shit will happen. My shorts will go up forever, GSVC will trade flat and WNR will trade up too. It’s the perfect hell for me, one that has me homofied of my own cock, largess with 70% cash.

Don’t talk to me and you better not leave any fucking comments here. This blog is not for you, but to remind myself of how fucking stupid I am.

Well, it’s official. Everything I touch turns to salt. Uncharacteristically, the market ripped higher, despite broad market weakness in tech. All of the gloom and doom gave birth to a cocaine leaf eating gorilla. Said gorilla was busy smashing my newly minted short positions in the scrotum, all day log.

My only consolation: my newly minted asshole short positions represent just 20% of my assets. Naturally, the greater loss is opportunity, as I missed out on today’s rally, save WNR.

There is nothing that could be said or done to make me feel better. If I said I was mad to the point of committing heinous acts of murder, I’d be understating my mood and demeanor.

Off to punch holes in my friends bullshit sheet rock office.

As you read this scroll, I am short TROW, LM, EXH and NTRS. Additionally, I am short oil via ERY, but in a very small way. On the long side, I am long WNR and GSVC. My cash position is 70%, with a 20% weighting short. For the reading impaired, do not view today’s short sales as something revolutionary or Fly going full retard to the downside. It’s merely a sport for me at this point, nothing of great consequence.

Nevertheless, EXH will not be able to meet its debt covenants in 2013. So this might be something to sell, all-the-way-to-$00.00.

Basically, “The Fly” is relaxing, waiting for Clubber Lang to knock out Rocky. There is nothing redeeming about the global economy now. Mind you, there will be Euro-Tarp and stocks might light on fire, if only for a brief moment. But after the adrenaline rush expires, everyone will be put to sleep, as apathy grips America- 0bama in 0hio style.

Full disclosure, I might add to longs if the market looks ready to shoot higher. But I doubt we go much higher from here. Despite being up 150, the internals are for shit.

I sold short 10,000 TROW, north of $46.60

Fuck TROW.