Today is Unimportant

Everyone is expecting to see a sell off today, following yesterday’s bonanza of bear barreling. Tomorrow is the pivotal day. Will we advance higher and enter a new bull mode, or revert back to abject fuckery?

Just to recap:

I sold all of my [[UYG]] . In addition, I sold 75% of National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , before I started buying it back here in the low 30’s/high 29’s. I sold 75% of my The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , Citigroup Inc. [[C]] and Smith International, Inc. [[SII]] positions. And, I blew out of United States Steel Corporation [[X]] , Commercial Metals Company [[CMC]] , NTT DoCoMo, Inc. (ADR) [[DCM]] and [[UKK]] , while holding onto [[M]] , [[TBT]] and Pfizer Inc. [[PFE]] as if they were my balls (I know that made no sense, fuck you).

In summary, my cash position has to be north of 70%, at the present. I own a variety of names, like The The The Procter & Gamble Company [[PG]] , [[M]] , PG&E Corporation PG&E Corporation PG&E Corporation [[PCG]] , The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , but nothing of great significance.

I will NOT short anything today, no matter what. It is my belief the market will cut the noses off of those bastardly short sellers, first thing tomorrow morning. So, I will keep my gun powder dry, in order to shoot at them (bearshitters), whenever I get the urge.

NOTE: I didn’t sell any of my Deutsche Bank AG (USA) [[DB]] . I forgot about that one.

UPDATE: I have a “forced buying” situation at the office today. I am buying large quantities of [[NOV]], [[MOS]], [[M]] , [[PFE]] and The Procter & Gamble Company [[PG]] , right now, at these levels.

I bought 5,000 National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] @ $30.42.

UPDATE: I bought another 2,000 @ $30.03.

Disclaimer: If you buy NOV because of this post, your blog will get invaded my mindless idiots from the yhoo message boards. And, you may lose money.

I know it is the rookie thing to do to sell right now, considering everyone is trying to do it all at once. Both my trading system and order entry system are experiencing “technical difficulties.”

Mind you, shit like this makes me want to pull my computer out of the wall and throw it, mind you, into the window of my local Best Buy. Howsoever, I was able to execute most of my trades, taking profits in [[UYG]] , The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] , Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , [[UKK]] , Smith International, Inc. [[SII]] , amongst a variety of other names.

If this market is in classic melt up mode, it will trick the shorts into believing we are heading lower. They’ll get back in, then BAM, the “guillotine of certain death” aka the “executor of all things homo” will reign down on them, towards the end of the trading session.

With my money, it’s all about keeping it classic and real, of course. Already, I have retarded profits and find no need to over stay my welcome. So, I will sell 75% of my longs today and kick back, relax, and proceed to launch fake scud missiles at Tim Knight’s homo blog.

No, seriously, I might buy some other stuff later. It all depends, frankly. Keep in mind, the last two days have been insane.

More on this later.

Quite egregious, if you ask me.

In other news, “The Fly” has a special message for you third tier fuckers.

Come out to play-ee-yay.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPQR-OsH0RQ 450 300]

I’ll have you know, this afternoon I offer you zero financial advice. Instead, I will inform the internets of my “unseemly,” yet entirely expected, string of unparalleled victories.

“The Fly” had his best day ever, with gains in excess of 17%. That’s right fuckfaces, 17%.

While it’s true, this victory was awfully pyrric, with irreversible damage done to the state of my internal organs, via last weeks “fuck you, you’re dead” collapse. Nonetheless, I won again and will continue to win, until my body is buried inside of a custom made pineapple coffin (“The Fly” has already reserved his final resting place, which happens to be a giant pineapple coffin).

All day, “The Fly” roamed his office, enrobed in triumph, dressed in the garments of a God, white robe and sandals.

In addition, he (“The Fly”), drank the sweet nectar of ambrosia, from his diamond encrusted chalice, while dumping the ashes of his aged cigar on top of Tim Knight’s bullshit blog page, which “The Fly” visits for laughs and humour [sic].

While many of you bears feel as if you have been dosed with hallucinogenic mushrooms, with the Dow closing up nearly 1,000 points, “The Fly” is cementing himself as an immortal figure of finance, amongst frolicking fuckfaces of folly.

In closing, do not ever doubt the time traveling efforts of Senor Tropicana aka Plutonium Petey, else he will track you down— and punch your fucking hose nose clean off your face.

While in recovery mode, the fundamentals are unimportant. What money managers need to figure out is: where is the true value of the market, without a full blown collapse? Meaning: providing the banks are flush with Federal tier one capital, at what level does the Dow become expensive?

We all know there is a lot of bad news to come. However, markets do not discount all of the bad news at once, idiots. With time, the markets will price the market where it belongs. However, for now, following a massive decline, it (the market) will reflate back to “non Aubrey McClendon margin call” levels.

My guess, that level ranges from 9,500- 10,500.

A good sign for the banks hides in the performance of preferred shares. For the unwashed type, you can track some via [[PGX]] and [[PGF]] .

If we are in classic melt up mode, the market will close at the highs of the day, trade lower tomorrow, then proceed to punch the mustaches off of shorts sellers on Wednesday.

A few things to note:

Dry bulk shipping rates are in the gutter, yet the shipping stocks are up. For a trade, [[SEA]] is worth a look.

The 8% divi in Pfizer Inc. [[PFE]] is better than keeping money in the bank.

[[M]] has a rock solid line of credit, via JPMorgan Chase & Co. [[JPM]] and Bank of America Corporation [[BAC]] , for 2 billion—thru 2012.

[[UKK]] is a kickass upside ETF.

And, finally, “The Fly” wins again, even when the world is about to end.

Being an avid short seller for more than a year, I can tell you they (the shorts) have sweaty palms right now. They’re waiting this out and hope to cover their shorts at better prices, sometime later today.

However, many of these grotesque men have deformed faces with wretched looking hands and noses that resemble clothing hooks. They’re ideologues, who worship at the altar of death. For the most part, these people are social failures, who are more interested in the machinations of Captain Kirk, than the anatomy of a woman.

Sorry if you construe this rant as a knife twisting assault on your person. Naturally, it is, but that’s besides the point. “The Fly” enjoys shoveling dirt on the graves of idiots, prior to dancing (running man, cabbage patch) on them.

Into this celebration of survival, I will not sell anything. As a matter of fact, I added to my [[UYG]] and National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] positions, while initiating new ones in [[M]] , The Procter & Gamble Company [[PG]] , Smith International, Inc. [[SII]] , NTT DoCoMo, Inc. (ADR) [[DCM]] , PG&E Corporation [[PCG]] , United States Steel Corporation [[X]] , Commercial Metals Company [[CMC]] and Pfizer Inc. [[PFE]] .

My best guess, today will be an epic short squeeze for the ages. The SEC lifted the ban on shorts, late last week, effectively trapping a bunch of hideous grumblers today. With the grace of the stock Gods favour [sic], we shall burn these harebrained offal eaters where they lay.

This rally is going out to all you margin call lovers.

If you think the market will sell off today, you are gravely mistaken. See, the market is going to take the entrails out of bearshitters, tie them to the ground, then proceed to peel off on their fucking faces with monstrous 16 wheelers.

In my opinion, this is not the time to cower. This is when you take advantage of the idiot who sold at the bottom on Friday, who is dying to get back in now.

The buy list is as follows:

Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , Deutsche Bank AG (USA) [[DB]] , The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , The Procter & Gamble Company [[PG]] , [[M]] , Abercrombie & Fitch Co. Abercrombie & Fitch Co. [[ANF]] , Target Corporation [[TGT]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , Smith International, Inc. [[SII]] , Verizon Communications Inc. [[VZ]] , NTT DoCoMo, Inc. (ADR) [[DCM]] , Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] , Hewlett-Packard Company [[HPQ]] , Research In Motion Limited (USA) [[RIMM]] , United States Steel Corporation [[X]], Freeport-McMoRan Copper & Gold Inc. [[FCX]] , Pfizer Inc. [[PFE]] , [[TBT]] and Gilead Sciences, Inc. [[GILD]] .

Now, sometime soon (maybe tomorrow), you’re going to want to raise cash again, since the crisis is not over. However, if you’re into playing momentum, this is as good as it gets.

If you insist on being a pussy, get short treasuries, via [[TBT]] . Should “safe money” continue to exit treasuries, TBT will spike.

Personally, I am going to Wall Street today, in order to smack a few brokers in the face with hot slices of pizza. Those assholes were all panicky and shit last week, which led to the unprecedented collapse of our fine markets.

Top picks: MOS, NOV

UPDATE: I bought 10,000 [[NOV]] @ $26.05.