Get Your Tax Hike Party Hats On

Obama already won. There is no need for you to vote. With his win, gallantly, he will take your “excess savings,” and send it to homeless people in the streets of Philly. Also, he will take your 401k plans and use it to grease the tracks of his “Obama tanks.”

Do not fight the trend of outright socialism. It is in vogue; everyone is doing it.

Regarding the market:

I am betting the oil sector trades down tomorrow. I bought some [[DUG]] . And, I took down a small short position in that son of a bitch of a whore Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] . I realize that last sentence is offensive to many of you bible lovers. Too bad.

“The Fly” thou shou [sic] use profuse amounts of cursible [sic] jargon, with great vigor. Blesseth be thy horse cows and may the force be with you.

Amen.

Fly

I sold short 10,000 Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] @ $18.25. And, I bought 10,000 [[DUG]] @ $35.80.

UPDATE: I bought 1,000 [[EEV]] @ $78.16 and 1,000 [[SDS]] @ $80.25.

So sorry. I could not help myself,

Disclaimer: If you follow the above trades because of this post, the elections will go direly wrong. And, you may lose money.

Let’s just put it on the table, shall we?

“The Fly” nailed the bottom and is smarter than you and your Dad combined. Can we agree on that?

Thanks.

LIBOR is no longer an issue. Now, all we have to worry about are silly fundamentals. However, there is no need to worry about that either, considering earnings season is just about over. Nonetheless, I am holding nearly 65% cash, just in case we get a post election debacle.

If not, one must suck the marrow out of the bones from this market, via egregious commodity plays or beaten down tech. My preference, as you already know, is in Ag—via CNH Global N.V. (ADR) [[CNH]] , American Vanguard Corp. [[AVD]] or Potash Corp./Saskatchewan (USA) [[POT]] .

Let it be known, my fucking traders are the most incompetent imbeciles on Wall Street. These assholes are completely devoid of reason and would bring down any brokerage firm, if given the chance, through their idiotic decision making skills.

And, let it be known, the universe of inverse etf’s are feeling the knife of certain death on their scrawny necks. Indeed, those who are short equities shall feel the wind of my robe and the point of my sword, as the “Imperial Wizard of Equities,” aka “The Fly” mushroom clouds his way up the totem pole (it does not matter that this sentence makes no sense. Be gone!).

“The Fly” is enjoying glorious glory, via outrageous stock market wins. Even my IT guy, Jeremy, is rather perturbed and quite jealous of my victories, for they are without warning or reason. They just happen and it vexes men, who look at fractals in their spare time, to no end.

In closing, I will not buy any inverse etf’s today. Instead, I shall purchase the finest bottle of aged port around and guzzle it down, as if my liver was made from sponges.

Top picks: BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] , American Vanguard Corp. [[AVD]] , [[UYG]] , [[M]]

There I was, acting all clever and shit, selling 90% of my National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] position yesterday, trying to avoid a dip. Lo and behold, here I am today, mind you, throwing the office silverware around, infuriated for missing out on today’s run. I knew the stock was cheap. But I wanted to be “clever.” BAM: 4 points in my face.

On the bright side, my BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] position is running hard. It appears the elections have released the animal spirits of the markets.

Again, I want to sell into this rally and buy cheaper. I might even do a little short selling. Petrohawk Energy Corporation [[HK]] looks like a piece of shit, dying to trade down.

I still own a nice chunk of [[UYG]] . There she blows!

And, my starter position in American Vanguard Corp. [[AVD]] is doing exactly what “The Fly” wants it to do: go higher.

In short, life is incredibly grand, aside from the random forks and knives on my office floor. Missing out on National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] hurts; but it’s part of the game.

For a trade, I like all ag stocks, specifically CNH Global N.V. (ADR) [[CNH]] , American Vanguard Corp. [[AVD]] , Potash Corp./Saskatchewan (USA) [[POT]] and Agrium Inc. (USA) [[AGU]] . I still own a meaningless amount of The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] . But that fucker is up way too much here.

More on this later.

UPDATE: I bought 8,000 [[AVD]] @$15.

UPDATE II: I bought 1,000 [[BEAV]] @ $13.99

UPDATE III: I sold 2,000 [[NOV]] @ $33.50

God forbid the Tin man and Dog sledder capsize the Obama boat, you green fuckers will be eating your shoes come Wednesday. I said, you liberal cocksuckers (pun intended) will be eating your shoes.

I know the classic lib plays: Calgon Carbon Corporation [[CCC]] , First Solar, Inc. [[FSLR]] , Yingli Green Energy Hold. Co. Ltd. (ADR) [[YGE]] etc. All of the water filtration and “green stocks” need to be sold now, every which way but loose.

I don’t think McCain will win. However, I do think a lot of idiots are leaning one way, for a long time. In other words, investing in stocks, based upon one election result is entirely stupid. If you have profits in any “Obama plays,” sell them tomorrow, else prepare to eat your rubber shoes.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lfqraa2hUlg 450 300]

I am running away from this market, like a little bitch, ahead of the “historic elections.” I blew out of 90% of my National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , despite loving the valuations, due to a capital preservation move on “The Fly’s” behalf. Right now, my cash position stands at a staggering, yet pussified, 70%.

Let it be known, “The Fly” is winning on a continuous basis, in all facets of life and the internet. He has been banking coin in this devil of a bitch of a whore of a market, even since he was old enough to tell people to go fuck themselves.

I bought a little more BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] , towards the end of the day, mainly because I have money burning a hole in my pocket. It must go somewhere, why not “The Beaver”?

As an aside, I am all for “bankrupting the coal industry.” Fuck those bastards, with their canary killing ways. I say, let’s SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT, via dumping all available coal into the Atlantic Ocean.

With all of my Godly 10,000 dollar bank notes, I intend to invest them unwisely, then wisely, if you get my drift. My next move, without a doubt, will be wrong. It’s the law of averages—so sorry. However, I am aware of such likelihoods and plan on “tricking the trickers,” who are trying to get me, if you catch my drift.

My paranoia, by the way, is deep rooted in the fact that “The Fly” was a very poor man, in his past life. During that blue collared life,  I am sure I was killed, via falling air conditioner on my head, somewhere in the housing tenements, just south of the Bronx.

With that in mind, I employ the bloggers on this site for less than the ancient Roman minimum wage and have zero interest in giving them a raise. At the end of the day, all of the worlds money is mine; you’re just borrowing it from me, on a temporary basis.

Top pick: BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]]

UPDATE: Via The PPT, top 10 ranked etf’s:

1 [[DTO]] 4.4
2 [[DGZ]] 4.35
3 [[DEE]] 4.2
4 [[DRR]] 4
5 [[UUP]] 3.75
6 [[DZZ]] 3.65
7 [[BBH]] 3.65
8 [[ITE]] 3.55
9 [[RKH]] 3.4
10 [[PJB]] 3.4

I bought 15,000 BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] @ $13.15.

Disclaimer: If you buy BEAV because of this post, JakeGint will move in next door to you. And, you may lose money.

I sold 90% of my National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] position, north of $29.75.

Go ahead, waste your time exercising “your constitutional rights.” I am sure your vote will change the country for the better. All of a sudden, red necks from Virginia will start reading at a 7th grade level; and the pot heads from California will apply for jobs, effectively displacing all of those asshole/hard working illegal aliens.

As for managing money:

I have no interest in playing republo vs demo stocks. That’s pure gambling. As you know, good Sirs, I am no degenerate OTB guy, by no means, as a point in fact, decidedly so.

Although it is tempting to sell it all and just watch; I can’t do that. I like to keep my skin in the game, no matter what. People who go to 100% cash, for an extended period of time, are either really, really dumb or their spirits are riddled with outright cowardice.

As for you Obama haters:

He already won. No one is voting for Granpa Munster and his idiot sidekick. If the market wanted to price in an Obama win, it had weeks, if not months, to do so. In other words, I do not think the market will crater on Wednesday.

The drop off in crude is troubling. Should it continue, expect to see the market get all weak kneed and shit. So, if you rally lovers want to see more green, you best call your Arab friends and kindly ask them to jack up the price of crude— God willing, of course.

Top picks: Cash, BE Aerospace, Inc. [[BEAV]] , American Vanguard Corp. [[AVD]] and National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]]