We’re Going Higher, Bitches

There are mustard seeds all over my front lawn. People in my neighborhood are racing, mind you, over to Best Buy, in order to buy more plasmas.

On a very personal level, I’d like ot see the Dow like at 2,000. You know, just to crush the spirits of all of the assholes who’ve been buying the dips. However, I am looking for a rally, near term, which will set up a Godly shorting opportunity.

I do not debate the fact that we are fucked. Instead, I offer visions of mustard seeds and fantasies of stock splits, for the next week or so.

Or, maybe we just go down and I sell my longs and go short again.

Stay tuned.

NOTE: At the time of this post, “The Fly” was 50% long, 15% short and 35% cash.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFCsMtu_eKY&feature=related 450 300]

Ack,

Ack, ack ack-ack. Ack DUG, MT, ERY, CHL, ack, FXI, BUCY, YZC, WX ACK ACK ACK!! Ack, JRJC!!!

Ack, ack ack (burp). Ack FAZ (ack,ack). ACK ACK ACK!!!!!

Ack ack, ack SRS, EEV, ack, KIM, ESS, MAC ack, SLG!!!!

Ack Geithner, Paulson, Obama, Bush, Bernanke ack Mozilo, ACK-ACK-ACK-ACK!!!

Ack

“Ack Fly”

I bought 5,000 DUG @ $23.03.

Disclaimer: If you buy DUG because of this post, your balls will fall off. And, you may lose money.

…the boogey man will go away.

I swear on a stack of old korans, our leadership is without gray matter. These assholes want to suspend mark to market? Are they fucking insane?

I guess they believe less transparency is exactly what we need right now. After all, if WFC, USB and JPM can just hide all of their losses, keeping them dormant indefinitely, everyone will go long right? And, people will find magical jobs too, as magicians or wizards.

WRONG.

No one will want to invest in any company that is hiding shit on their balance sheets. I don’t want to hear the bullshit argument: “the banks need a little time.” Fuck that.

The motherless whores in Congress have fucked up every single “stimulus” or “bailout” plan to date and will continue the tradition of being fucktarded asshats, for as long as they live. Letting the banks “slide” on mark to market standards is equal to legalizing accounting fraud.

So be it. These fuckers don’t pay their taxes anyway. We might as well support accounting fraud too.

Obamanomics!

Nonetheless, with the market bouncing here, I am comfortable being net long, despite the negative headwinds. My long bias will be short lived. And, my cash position will remain above 30%, until I am ready to start shorting again.

Columbo, “Oh, one more thing” UPDATE: If the Treasury leverages the TARP funds 10:1, in order to buy toxic assets from the banks, they should be arrested for treason.

Free Healthcare for all!

I bought 5,000 YZC, just south of $7.43.

Disclaimer: China+Coal=gold.

Sorry for the unintentional misdirection, through previous claims that the world was indeed ending.

As a result of the market reversal, I sold out all of my SRS, north of $64. And, I sold out all of my FAZ, and TZA, north of $58 and $57.50 respectively.

This leaves me with a massive cash position, north of 40%. And, it also leaves me in a net bullish position, long BUCY, MT, FXI, CHL, JRJC and PFE.

On the short side, I still hold big positions in DUG and ERY, as well as minor positions in REW and SDS.

UPDATE: I bought 1,500 JRJC @ $9.79

UPDATE II: I bought 5,000 BUCY @ $15.60

I bought 3,000 CHL @ $46.85.

UPDATE: I sold out of my EEV position. And, as a result of the market rally, I sold some SRS.

Get your hand grenades and sand bags ready; we’re about to endure some pretty awful times, young man.

I remember back in the 90’s, coming up in the business, feeling all optimistic and shit. The internet revolution had just begun and I was fucking annihilating short sellers, in egregious ways that only God himself could explain. The order flow was so overwhelming; I was unable to execute all of my trades.

Those were the good old days, when people would sun bathe during lunch in Bryant Park, then go back to work and make $100,000 from 1-4pm.

This shit we find ourselves in right here, is unadulterated hell, if there is such a thing. Market participants are stunned and will remain tepid/homo hammered for a fucking generation, all thanks and praise go out to our banking and regulatory exec’s for making it possible, of course.

You need to understand something about me: I don’t fuck around, when it comes to managing money. I am a fur coat wearing “space alien magician” with the buy/sell tickets. You can try to compete all you want; however, at the end of the day, I am simply bowling on you stupid bastards.

As for today’s tape:

I am no longer bearish on gold. There is some fucked up fuckery taking place in the flight to quality trade. It appears the gold bugs are correct in asserting that gold is a “safe haven” asset, during times of duress. In my opinion, gold is trading up due to its inherent safety characteristics, not due to inflationary concerns.

Once again, we are in a deflationary vortex.

One of my “Reverse Four Horseman of Certain Death” caught a downgrade today, based upon stupid earnings. That company, in case you are wondering is ESS. In addition, an old favorite short of mine, KIM, ate a dick, according to this mornings earnings report.

As a reminder, my four “Reverse Horseman of Certain Death” for 2009 are FRT, MAC, ESS and SLG, with KIM as a notable 5th.

Finally, XOM is still trading at historical levels. As a matter of fact, the stock is trading at a 50% PE premium to its peers, which represents the biggest premium since Exxon merged with Mobile.

Just know this: XOM is purposely manipulating its stock price, via oversized share buybacks. Like the banks, XOM is wasting shareholder money through idiotic buybacks. Last quarter, they bought back $8 billion in stock. This quarter, they are scheduled to buy back another $7 billion. Understand something, that is more than their entire quarterly capex budget.

Are they fucking insane?

Taking a closer look at their earnings report, you will notice a great deal of ambiguity around their asset sales. Call me a banana salesman if you must, but I believe XOM is just begging for a steel pipe beat down.

Top pick: Short XOM, long SRS,

UPDATE: I sold 2,000 FAZ @ $58.35

Looks like that bitch KIM is off to a bad start this morning.

NEW YORK, Feb 5 (Reuters) – – Kimco Realty Corp KIM.N, owner of strip-malls anchored chiefly by grocery stores, said on Thursday that fourth-quarter funds from operations fell as it took bigger-than-expected charges for falling asset values.

FFO fell to $10.5 million, or 4 cents per share, from $136.2 million, or 53 cents per share, a year earlier. The results missed the analysts’ average forecast of 24 cents per share, according to Reuters Estimates.

FFO, a measure of performance for real estate investment trusts, removes the profit-reducing effect of depreciation, a noncash accounting item, on earnings.

For U.S. shopping centers open more than a year, net operating income, which measures performance on a property level, rose 1.3 percent in the fourth quarter.

Kimco, based on Long Island, New York, said it expected 2009 FFO of $1.70 to $1.90 per share, far short of the $2.23 analysts had forecast, according to Reuters Estimates.

Too bad I am no longer short the bitch directly. However, I do have representation via SRS.