As Long Bonds Advance, Your Penis Shrinks

Let’s be upfront with each other, shall we? Aside from watching or reading money managers on the teevee or in print, you are, essentially, clueless with regards to money management. Your “interest rates to the moon” theory, although entertaining, is equal to “chart-art” being a science. To say that [[TLT]] is not an awesome buy under $90 is like saying soccer is better than baseball or chicks with dicks are better than the old fashioned type.

Look here, buddy, don’t assume interest rates are going higher, just because some miscreant said so. We are Japan and interest rates are Godzilla. Ultimately, our buildings get stomped the fuck out and many people get eaten, but we win in the end. That’s all that matters, folks. We win in the end.

As presently constituted, I am Dr. Neutrality. I do not like my soup too hot, not cold. I like it lukewarm, just prior to tossing it in your face. I have 18 open position and TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] and [[SRS]] are my favorite two, for separate reasons of course. Additionally, I like General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] , [[TAN]] and Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] .

In short, we are literally days away from sipping on sinister mugs of black smoke. Are you man enough to handle it?

I bought 50,000 TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] north of $7.60 and 10,000 [[SRS]] @ $5.57.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, the next time you are in Vietnam, you will fall off your bicycle and crack your brains open. And, you may lose money.

I sold out of Adobe Systems Incorporated [[ADBE]] , in the low $35’s.

I have a new obsession, all to do with creating robot voice sounding cartoons. I am not particularly sure you guys see the humor in it, as I do. For the first time ever, I am asking for your opinion, as I do not wish to waste my time making short films just for my own entertainment.

With regards to the “stock exchange,” bog standard, it appears I am banking coin again, despite your petty curses and low grade witchcraft. As we climb towards our daily point quota (40), I am blessed with gains in [[TLT]] , [[CBD]] , [[TAN]] , TriQuint Semiconductor [[TQNT]] and General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] . Looky here, even my little [[SRS]] position is up a chickens liver. Hot damn it, I am fucking good.

On a serious note, my blogs (at times) offer a great deal of confusion to the average goat fucker, who wants financial advice in the same manner as he orders Big Macs. At the present, I have 30% of my assets in [[TLT]] , 10% in [[VXX]] 30% long equities and the rest in cash. [[SRS]] is one bearish position, which represents a very small portion of overall assets, so small it is not mentioned in this post.

In short, I can no longer guesstimate when the market will drop. All I can do is prepare for the eventuality, while trying to make a few million (a mill here a mill there) as that “eventuality” pans out.

It appears my 10,000 shares of [[SRS]] will be “swimming in red ink” come Monday morning. But then again, for me, 10,000 shares of a $5 stock is like a sip of whiskey for a homeless bum. Actually, I am rooting for the market to go “GODZILLA to the UPSIDE”, so that I may recoup ferocious losses in Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] . I feel, as always, FTK is ready to perform autopsies on live bearshitters, if that makes any sense (it certainly does not).

I will have you know, I am in possession of the world’s greatest stock pick and I care not, to say the least, to share it with you.

The Greeks have been bailed out by their bitches and the world will now rejoice. There is something to be said about the fucking Greeks and their proclivity to fuck people out of money. They are, without a doubt, without honor. And, I wish the Persian armies of the East will fuck them up something awful, burning down their libraries and enslaving the Greek elderly to work inside of filthy ceramic factories.

Two important matters:

1. If you are a web developer and have crazy skills, email me your qualifications (find my email address you lazy fucker). I might have some temp work for you.

2. I am just getting started, so prepare for egregious developments.

UPDATE: MrkcBill came to visit me at my office and the transcripts of our meeting were turned into a short film. Enjoy.

EGREGIOUS UPDATES: I tried my own hand at making these short films.

The Fly Meets DevilDog’s assistant, part I
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zr-9BegAyhc 616 500]

The Fly meets DevilDog’s assistant, part II
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juEYHB4ZOgM 616 500]

Let’s take a ride in Senor Tropicana’s time machine to April of last year and view the rather one sided battles between “The Fly” and “The Readers”

Exhibit a (bet against me, see what happens)

Exhibit B (the day I sold most of my inverse ETF’s)

Exhibit C (called the bottom in semis)

Exhibit D (the day HORATIO CLAWHAMMER died)

Exhibit E (100% cash at the March lows of 2009)

Exhibit F (called the bottom, like it or not)

Caveat: Believe you me, posting 5 times per day leads to saying a lot of shit, some of which is just whim of the moment stuff. My point here is to demonstrate, via past pivotal moments in the market, how people were responding to my controversial moves and how they eventually panned out (my best year ever was 2009 with a close 2nd being 2008).

I initiated my first short position, in a long, long time, via going long [[SRS]] —based upon the algorithms of The PPT. At the present, SRS has a technical score of 1.05 (1 is the lowest score possible). There have been just two occasions in PPT history when the score was below 1.10, today and 5/11/09. Back in May of last year, the stock bounced quickly off the lows and netted about 14% in two trading days. Will history repeat itself?

As a matter of fact it will, indeud.

I am long SRS until mid next week, then I vamoose to cash on the position.

Your disobedience to Goldman’s Trading Robot (Harry) C14452q has been duly noted. As we speak, they are hacking into your trading account, in order to sell short your longs and mark up your shorts. Betting against “a sure thing”, better know to you as “the stock market” is nonsensical and always results in arduous losses. While the burlap gets ripped to shreds and blue blazers lit aflame amidst risk assessment models, I am reminded of a dream I had last night, where I was riding from state to state on this stupid bicycle that had a giant blue flag attached to the back seat. I was peddling all over the place, running over people and then, suddenly, it stopped. I woke up laughing at my dream, because it made no sense.

I bought 10,000 [[SRS]] @ $5.58.

Disclaimer: PPT related issue here. Please ignore and go about your day as if you did not see this.

While I sit here, drinking 40 ounces of beer, eating 40 shrimp cocktails and enjoying another 40 point lift in the Dow, I find myself slightly enraged by the number “40.” Is it necessary for the puppet masters to be so candid in their obvious disdain for free markets, by way of performing daily 40 point triumphs? It’s like alien space invaders building pyramids or inventing Einstein.

Some of my stocks are lower today, namely POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] and [[MWW]] . However, do not fear, General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] , Citigroup Inc. [[C]] and Brocade Communications Systems, Inc. [[BRCD]] are making up for their insolence. The good news is: Adobe Systems Incorporated [[ADBE]] has bottomed, as predicted yesterday, and can now trend higher with the rest of the little sheep. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa.

With my money, I might as well buy OEX calls, slightly out of the money, everyday, for as long as I live. Or, I can continue the path of most resistance, and do nothing. The mystery de Le Fly continues!

On a serious note, due to my delirium and hunger to do something “crazy,” I am considering buying more Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , down at these levels. It’s been awhile since I bought the name—in earnest. However, with financing out of the way and the market a sure thing, it makes sense to buy the worst managed drilling parts company, who happens to be saddled with a massive short position, while the stock is stuck in the $1’s. Just thinking out loud, folks. Thinking.out.loud.

Good day.

What does a 259% increase in Baccarat gambling have to do with the price of tea in China?