The Sick Apple Squeeze

I bet you motherllamas thought we were going down today. Little did you know, “The Perfect Storm” was designed for you, in order to fleece you from all of your coin. Now that you are removed from your currency, “The Fly” swims in it, like some sort of lunatic cartoon duck.

So far, I’m up 1.28% intra-day, led by gains in TEX, PH, OXY, NILE and PWER. My position is one of perfection, tweaked by the finest hand in asset management. The basic structure of my portfolio is built to last for an eternity, AND MORE. The bottom line, as some under the influence of large quantities of cocaine like to say, you are outmatched and should retire from the business of managing money. Moreover, I find it to be reprehensible that you blog, so quit doing that too.

On a side note, I’m sitting here waiting for several of my stocks to launch, like rocket ships into space. Names like BORN, SFLY and FORM are fucking with your brains, feigning weakness in a strong tape. Go ahead and short them, see where it gets you.

BEHOLD and REJOICE for the ghouls, bears and sea urchins are being eliminated from the equation, as we speak. I will do my part, as always, to “correct” their rudeness and teach them what they need to be taught (no, I am not legally insane).

I started a position in LIOX, just under $4. And, I added to SFLY.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, both AAPL and IBM will miss earnings, in horrendous fashion. And, you may lose money.

Yes, indeud, let the cliches fly. Not only is AAPL getting tea bagged today; but so it C. The big dumb bank missed earnings, mainly because their management staff are dumb dick-suckers. Ahead of AAPL’s and IBM’s earnings, the market is set to decline, amidst a flurry of mass carnage and confusion, produced on an industrial scale, pleasing those who jerk off at burials aka “bearshitters.”

It is unfortunate that I must sled downhill today, being fully invested without checks and most certainly without balances.

On a side note, I can’t help but wish a speedy recovery for Steve Jobs. I know it’s uncharacteristic of me to wish anyone well, let alone some jackass CEO. But Mr. Jobs has greatly helped improve the quality of my life through his products. AAPL has literally changed my life, as well as the lives of many of you goat milkers.

Into today’s tape, I find myself standing on a small raft, in the middle of the ocean, pissing into the oncoming waves.

Steve Jobs, CEO of AAPL, is taking a medical leave of absence, most likely due to cancer. We all die, even superstar CEO’s whose innovation changed the world. It’s just part of life–dying.

AAPL did not just invent cool stuff. They took the electronics market back from the Japanese, brought it back to America, and became a status symbol in the process.

Without a doubt, the absence of Jobs will be a negative for the company. However, AAPL‘s footprint is so big now, I dare say they will thrive with or without him. It’s not just a fucking computer company anymore, jackasses. And they are not simply selling ipods. The company has established themselves as the premier and dominant electronics manufacturer in the world. Any significant dips should and will be bought.

Let’s see if these guys are as dumb as the tag suggests.

NOTE: Just in case you didn’t know, we launched PDS 2.0, ever so quietly, a short while ago.

I always found it rather humorous that all of you piker finance bloggers out there, who concoct Top Finance Blog lists, always exclude iBC, as if we were some sort of pariah. You list even the most pathetic sites, as if to poke your fingers in my eyes. Well, a great man once said, “if it isn’t being done correctly, do it yourself.”

iBankCoin has their own list.

NOTE: If some names are missing, that’s because their owner is a dick and chose not to provide us with traffic stats. If you feel you were wrongly excluded, leave a comment and Chess will get back to you.

I can’t stand these Chinese lotto stocks, yet I buy them regularly.  It seems on a daily basis hack websites use their megaphones to talk shit and drop the share prices of small cap Chinese stocks. In my book, that’s called stock manipulation and slander. However, the SEC is too busy chasing down penny stock promoters, than to waste any of their “valuable resources” to check out these outrageous stories being purported. With that in mind, any publicly traded company doing business in China is subject to immediate sale, if the wind blows the other way, so to say. Yesterday I had a nice profit on KNDI. Today I sold it at a loss.

Aside from selling KNDI, I sold out of IMAX today and added to BORN, FORM and NILE.

NILE looks fucking poised to rip tits to the upside. Prepare for that eventuality.

With regards to FORM: they have $8+ in net cash and are rebuilding their business, after losing a large client. With INTC‘s cap equipment budget bulging at the seams, I like my chances with FORM, as a turn around play, supported by an over-abundance of cash.

Into the bell, I am 90% long, with zero hedges and zero fear.

I sold out of KNDI and bought more BORN.

Happy New Years and a Merry Robster!

I bought NILE for the squeeze.

Disclaimer: If you buy NILE because of this post, your neighbors will accuse you of being in possession of “blood diamonds.” And, you may lose money.

I sold out of FMC for a small loss.

Strip everything out and you have a clam, just a clam. This clam lowers the cost of borrowing to absurd levels and just sort of sits there, like only a clam would do. The market goes haywire, inflation riots set shit ablaze overseas, and the clam just sits there. Oil presses against $100 per barrel, cotton through the roof, sugar, corn and all metals through the roof, yet the clam just sits there. If you think about it, “The Clam” is God (CIG), setting things in motion, then plays absentee landlord, whilst atomic bombs detonate over small cities.

The Fed is behind the curve. Naturally, interest rates should not be so low; but here we are minting money for the benefit of the banks. Spreads have widened out and stock market capital gains are making people rich again. Dare I say, this is a perfect time to be a banker.

Speaking of which, it’s none of your fucking concern how much money Wall Street fat cats make. Do not compare these egregious and beautiful profit centers to the salaries of idiot NYC teachers or retarded firemen, across the nation. I will have you know, the people who are collecting their giant sized bonuses deserve it, for they made their company lots and lots of money. Quit pandering to the communist malcontents in the media and grow a pair of balls, would you?

Thanks.

Into merger Monday, I am not selling a damn thing.

Top picks: BORN, KNDI, TEX, PH, SFLY