A China Trade Deal Could Happen At Any Moment

There’s good news everywhere I turn. Last night NFLX missed because their programming sucks. Today, more than 50 American companies are moving out of China due to the trade war.

Is that a real headline? Probably not. They keep telling me all of this trade war business is really fucking bad for the economy, yet stocks are at record highs. So how can that be? If I was just this dumb animal and went purely off instinct, I’d think Trump was the greatest President in American history and having trade wars equalled more food in my stomach. The more war the better. Now you’re telling me 50 companies will move production out of China. How is that bad news? That’s good news, isn’t it?

Stocks can’t go down, even if they tried. Most of my stocks are flat today, just sitting around, waiting for something interesting to happen. One of you bitches in the comments section had the audacity to say I jinxed the gold trade with last night’s post.

Listen to me. I am a fucking Master Ace gold trader. Don’t you ever step to me with outrageous claims. I have profits coming out of my fucking ears with profitable gold trades. What have you done? Exactly.

Gold and silver will do what I tell it to do: King Precious here — you can call me that from now on.

I’ve got to be honest and let the cat out of the bag. I bought PAAS yesterday. There I said it. See how generous I am — providing you with only 1 day stale news? Blame yourselves, honestly. Had you been a member of the hallowed halls of Exodus — you would’ve been long and strong. Fucking powerful men punching down buildings with your bare-fists. Now look at you, shitting your pants and penniless, feasting on bad pizza.

Lesser men sell their gold here. Fly is going all in here. I’ve got gold coming out of my fucking ass and ears, 25% weighted in my trading account and 10% in the quant. You cannot fuck with me.

What did I buy today? Sorry, that information is confidential.

I’ll tell you this though, I’m a fucking man into this shit, patiently waiting like a lion in the tall grass to take a fucking chunk of flesh out of the first person who sells gold short. If you’re thinking about shorting gold, getting cute with DUST, you may very well get eaten and swallowed whole by Plutonium Petey.

I am not to be trifled or fucked with. I am a dangerous man.I’ll punch your house down with my bare fists!

Fuck Peter Schiff and all of the other gold insects.

Here’s the true rundown on gold.

Dead for 6 fucking years. Gold insects got stepped on and smeared across the pavement with the market’s heavy foot. “The Fly” steps in and NUGT is +95% over the past 6 months. Every one else said it couldn’t be done — that I’d get mangled on gold. Someone said it would be my Waterloo, my Little Big Horn — slain horribly by dollarFAGS and all of my subscribers mashed like potatoes.

WRONG AGAIN.

I am a masterful ace trader of gold. I am the only, as a matter of fact, authority on gold you should listen to.

Do a google search and read about my missives.

In my mentorship programme, I’ve been drilling it into people’s heads: GOLD GOLD GOLD. In Exodus, gold all day long. I do a little of this, little of that. One major day trade win here and there — but I always go back to gold. Always.

A few weeks ago I had a little “one dollar roll” play in NGD. Now it’s $1.40. No biggie. Today I bought another piece of shit junior miner and by the will of the Gods, I will anoint it and it shall run good and long. You were thinking cock, not me.

UPDATE:

You know how you slow down in a footrace with a child in order to let them win? Fake being slow in order to let this little person brimming with sensitive feelings win in order to feel great? That’s what I’m doing here by selling out one of my losers. BAM! I sold MOMO for an 8% loss. “The Fly” fucking sucks now. You’re the best — go book some gains and tell your followers that you’re better than me.

I’ll let you bask in the warm sunshine for a little bit until I snatch the crown back again, and resume my unworldly winning streak of profit.

Look at me, I’m fallible. I picked the Chinese GRINDR and got lit up in it. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing here, even though I just booked a fucking masterful day trade win in APRN yesterday. But we’ll forget about that and pretend it didn’t happen. We’ll also pretend that I’m not 9 for my last 12 trades with even more wins unrealized on the books. I’m thinking about taking the day off — because that’s what winners do. We take days off. We wake up whenever we want to wake up and bust out a few +$10k profitable trades, and then we drink Rum daiquiris all day long in the sun — basking in the sun.

I fucking told you people to stop buying all of those shitcoins. Now you’re all broke again — tossed against the bricks and destroyed. I did fucking warn you — now you sit there idle and dying.

What’s the fucking news? More sellers than buyers — fucked faces. Quit wasting time with fake money and get yourself some hard cocked stock.

See pal, this is who I am and you’re nothing.

I woke up late because I went to sleep at 5am. I had purchased TWTR yesterday with the intent to ‘Milk Jack’ — but it didn’t work out so I sold it for a 1.3% loss. Those are the fucking rules. Stop complaining.

I then ventured upon APRN in the morning because of their deal with BYND. It was a classic squeeze and I bought it after it was +40%. Sounds crazy right?

Fuck you — go home and play with your kids.

I just sold it for an intra-day +10.7% return.

You kids can try to duplicate the power of “The Fly” or you can swim with me like chum fish around a giant shark.

Also, fuck vegans.

This is the 10,000th time this has happened. All other occurrences have resulted in face ripping rally. I’m not even considering going short, not for a single fucking second.

BREAKING: Stocks drop to session lows as Trump in Cabinet meeting says we have a long way to go with China on trade, can put tariffs on another $325B of goods if we want to https://t.co/CLyxCjfT5n pic.twitter.com/h8FzCDNTLI

— CNBC Now (@CNBCnow) July 16, 2019

I’m game. Whatever makes me money is game. I don’t discriminate against vegans, even though I think they’re wasting their time. Remember, I’m the guy who tried being a vegan for a year, did another year in absolute prison being gluten and dairy free. I even went two years without drinking a cup of coffee because I thought it was the preferred beverage of homeless people worldwide. I am as open minded as they come. On the issue of Blue Apron, no one hated them more than me. Total scam.

But here we are today — stock is pistol fucking hot on this BYND-APRN news.

Blue Apron says it will add Beyond Meat products to its meal kits next month.

Blue Apron split its stock last month to avoid being delisted on the New York Stock Exchange, while Beyond’s stock has soared since its May IPO.

The meat kit provider has turned to partnerships as it has struggled to find a loyal subscriber base.

The result? BAM!

Fucking rockstar.

I also like silver. I see it running higher, even though gold is flat. No idea what that’s about — but I’m game. I am fucking game for everything. Show me a sector that is selling meth to elderly people and I am in, providing it can make me money. That might’ve sounded a little satanic, even evil, but it’s not. Don’t confuse my hyperbole with my core values, which shine like a beacon of justice amidst this mountain of criminality that you call America.

At this point, the market is just ridiculous. Now rates are running, and I mean running higher. Where were they a week ago, 1.99%? Well now the 10yr is 2.12% and on the move higher. Oh you thought the Fed was gonna tighten and cut rates? How about WRONG — now they’re gonna jack them the fuck higher. They can do whatever the hell they want, as long as the market gives them permission.

This higher rate business isn’t having an iota effect on stocks. They’re still going up. Does anyone even look at this shit anymore?

European markets are running to the upside and we’re foaming from out mouths — waiting to be released from our cages. You can tell there’s another 500 fucking points of plain degenerate upside left in this thing. Lots of milquetoast action today — but don’t be fooled by it.

I am running very late today, as I had a very late night yesterday. But I’m here now and ready to pounce. Naturally the fucking quotes in Exodus are busted and I’m trying to get that fixed as I juggle 20 other things. I should get a fucking medal for the work I do here.

That might seem like a homo-erotic post — but it wasn’t meant to be. Sure, Jack Dempsey is a billionaire hustler in the virtual reality world and some might view him as a weirdo fuckhead; but not me. BIG FAN of Jack here and I want to milk him for all of his net worth.

Let me rephrase that. I’m not actually taking anything from him, but merely siphoning from his magic pixy dust that he sprinkles onto his fucking stocks.

I bought and sold SQ the other day for profit and now I bought TWTR for an overnight hold. I know I said “NO MORE FREE PICKS ON THE FREE SITE.” But the day is over and this stock will be sold in the morning for another handsome profit.

Mark my words. I cannot be denied.