Bungie Jump Punching into Bill Ackman’s Face

Imagine you jumped off a mountain with a bungie cord attached to your leg. At the bottom of the mountain is Bill Ackman’s face, and you have boxing gloves on. That’s what I am doing now, long HLF. Carl Icahn is killing the guy and the squeeze is most definitely on.

It’s worth noting, Icahn has a beard now, which tells me he is ready for war and likely carrying a rambo knife on his person.

There isn’t anyone “The Fly” likes more than Carl ‘give me your damn company’ Icahn.

Moving on, I am up another 1.4% this morning, still leveraged at 125%, +40% for the year now–pal.

No one really talks about the anatomy of a melt up because we all want to be viewed as smart, clever managers who deserve to get paid obscene amounts of money. The truth is, melt ups are fairly straight forward to play and the dumber you are, the greater chance you have to bank some serious coin. Don’t act like that last sentence isn’t true–cause you know it is.

My first Wall Street gig was a sweet one: personal mail opener/slave to up and coming super mutual fund manager, Paul Wick at Seligman. I was in high school and knew very little about stocks, yet managed to beat his ass in a bet–regarding some stock that I said would move an astounding 25% in a week. I got very lucky and won a dollar.

This evening I was running some screens to understand the profile of this rally and it’s exactly what I thought.

Growth and earnings don’t mean a thing.

The vitality of the company is moot. All that matters is market cap, number of shares in the float, trading volume,  and sector.

Based off this information, like any good detective of the markets, I scoured, mind you, the market for small capped stocks with less than 50 million shares in their floats. Also, the stock had to be +2% today and trade at least 250k shares in volume per day.

Lastly, I am only interested in tech, healthcare and services.

Here are the stocks, cherry picked by yours truly, that should snatch chains on the way up within a week.

ALLT

BIOD

DRWI

HTCH

INFI

PERI

RKUS

SCTY*

TSRO

XONE

SNTA

* INDICATES MY BALLS SWING LOW ON THIS NAME, MEANING I HAVE OWNERSHIP.

This criminal I once knew used to call up his clients and propose that they make ‘lateral moves’ with him, selling gleeck to buy gloik. He did this, namely, so that he could charge 5% out and another 5% in, making a grand total 10% of his clients account transferable to him in just one swoop.

I remember when he went out of business. It was a glorious day for all of his clients, indeed.

Towards the end of the day, I sold WETF, ANGI and SHLD and swapped into WDAY and FSLR, none of which were ‘lateral moves’ of course, but instead necessary actions that will result in fantastical, almost mystical, gains.

I’m looking for some trades amidst recent ipos. You might want to draw up some screens and bear witness to the bat-shit that is taking place there. Stocks are only going higher, which is great–because I am long.

My biggest winner, for the day, is AMBA. I bet you didn’t buy any when it dropped. You were too busy buying TZA because you like to lose money.

And another thing: stop thanking me for your wins. I don’t care about your wins. I am pleased that someone out there is listening to reason. If you want to show your appreciation for the site and my pimp hand, go knock on your neighbors door and make them visit the site. iBankCoin needs to get a lot bigger, and fast. I’m not making any direct threats to any of you–mainly because everything I do is indirect, subtle. “The Fly” is a man of gracious indifference, a leader for the people who doesn’t care about the poor and crippled– or the struggles of third tier bloggers.

If you’re unable to attain traffic it’s because no one likes you. That’s it. It’s very simple.

When you were a kid and asked that really hot girl out to the movies and she said no, it was because she didn’t like you. The same thing applies to web traffic and text messages.

Look at all of the money I am making. Do you think I am happy?

Of course I am you silly bastard. Do you know how expensive it is to live out here amongst these greedy monsters, paying these absurd taxes and raising 3 kids? If I was poor, I’d be miserable, destitute, sort of like that Davian guy minus all of the theft and fraud.

Back to work (whips lash).

These congressmen make me sick, truly sick, watching them humiliate themselves in front of Ben Bernanke. One chap took out his iPad, pointing to his new app titled “ECONOMY”, asking Ben questions that a 4th grader could answer. I wonder if Congress was filled with handicaps 100-200 years ago? How did our country grow with men like this at the helm? One would think we’d manage to nuclear bomb ourselves back to the stone ages, with idiots like this running the nation. They are true cavemen, the type without the wheel or fire. These people pre-date cooked food and shelter. Their minds are equal to those who were running away from dinosaurs, eating rocks, and playing with their own feces.

Anyway, enough of these retards, back to the digital revolution and what it means to intelligent life.

Connectivity is the name of the game. What companies help facilitate this, helping spread information to the masses of cavemen on iPads?

Here is my short list of names that should explode over the next 10 years. Keep in mind, this is a 10 year list, you stupid baboons, and have nothing to do with what I am doing now.

GOOG

YELP

ANGI

Z

TRLA

PCLN

OWW

AMZN

TRIP

AWAY

(cloud computing companies)

AAPL

more to come.

I didn’t list cloud companies because there are too many. Maybe N or CRM are good holds. I don’t know. All I know is this: we are in the middle of something huge. Software companies like WDAY, TXTR are coming out of the gates swinging, breaking the jaws of short sellers immediately. We need to be vigilant in our pursuit of greatness.

To accomplish this greatness I speak of, we mustn’t fall for the traps of buying into caveman industries, like gold and coal. I don’t want anything that was around 1,000 years ago.

To hell with commodities.

There are many other names that will facilitate the rennaisance. Do the research you lazy jackasses and quit emailing me with questions.

“The Fly” is off to do something grande, something cool.

We knew this would happen, no? Bernanke clearly stated “I got your backs, son” (puff, puff, pass).

Shares of TSLA are electrocuting shorts. This is getting boring, even moribund– if I might be so bold.

Shares are shooting higher again. I need a great big collapse, something adverse to fight against. Frankly, I’m not accustomed to dealing with good times all the time. But, it’s worth noting, I am constantly plagued by home renovations–things breaking in the house for no reason at all. Just yesterday, my entire irrigation system shorted out. That’ll cost me a few shillings.

I’m liking SCTY on the bounce here, and of course IMMR.

I’m a doctor of finance, god damn it. Show me some respect.

I have this IMMR position sitting on my book, looking at me cow eyed for the better half of two months now and it’s about to bust loose, like a porn star at the end of his film.

Get those disgusting ideas out from your heads. “The Fly” is doing things distinguished, constantly making money, no matter what. If I had to break legs and arms to bank coin, I’d do it.

Now I want you to watch the shares of IMMR very closely. A position this big, this magnanimous, is bound to disappoint me. But I’m up now, with a basis of $14.10. If this god forsaken beast of a a name, operated by the greediest people alive, should jizz all over short sellers, I will  be a very happy man indeud.

I was +0.5% today. Nothing can stop me now, not even a market crash.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rADQA0GBSJ4

I am sick of these weasels on tv talking about KO and how they missed earnings because of the weather. Instead of taking the management of coke at their word, these weasels, small mice of men, are drumming up conspiracy theories, deriding the old fashioned American icon for reasons UNBEKNOWNST to me.

What’s also UNBEKNOWNST to me is why we should care?

KO was relevant back in the 1950’s, when Americans ate meatloaf for dinner, smoked cigarettes in school and worked inside factories riddled with fire hazards.

No one drinks soda pop anymore, not even teenagers. Coca-Cola is for children in Thailand or Mexico. You know, the stupid people of the world enjoy it–because it’s the American dream.

In other news, I am eagerly awaiting an upside melt up in IMMR. Do you think it will happen today?

I was under the assumption stocks were to trade up, continuously, without pause. I am flanked by a Musket styled shot to the face attack, with the shares of SCTY tanking. Let it be noted, our resident mathematician, Caine Thaler, nailed the TSLA trade. One could only hope for TSLA to drop to $100 or even lower to further his prospects. But, as far as I am concerned, there isn’t anything to worry about with SCTY long term. It’s like a giant penis and the world is its vagina.

Back to stocks.

IMMR is having a good showing, which is keeping me in the black. Everything else is a non-event. I do wish YELP will drop 10-20%, amidst some scandal, so that I can buy it back. I have some serious sellers remorse issues with that one.

I am sizing up ONVO and will take a position, one day, hoping to hedge my Irish genes and my proclivity to drink the grape, cashing in on 3-d printable livers.

SOL went and I missed that. I won’t miss out when EMKR goes–and it will. You just sit there, in that ridiculous costume, and watch.

Okay, I have to get back to whatever I was doing before I decided to pen this post. “The Fly” is in good spirits and thanks to the heavens, I am NOT losing money today (yet) like the rest of you heathens.

An exclamatory statement that is accompanied by more than 3 exclamation marks is completely irrational and a sign of acute mental illness. As you can see, there isn’t anything wrong with this title and I am perfectly sane.

But…

THE SHARES OF IMMR ARE MOVING THIS MORNING AND I AM ALIVE WITH VIGOR AND VITALITY.

The redundancy of that last sentence doesn’t matter; chalk it up as a non-sequitur.  “The Fly” is making mountains of money today, even with the spastic retards at SCTY bleeding out.

Do not talk to me about anything else but IMMR, unless of course it flops.

In case you’re wondering, EMKR, WIT and HLF look great to me too. I am particularly interested in seeing Carl Icahn punch, mind you, Bill Ackman in the head with brass knuckles. My meager 7 figure position in HLF is child’s play and makes me a ‘mere spectator’ in this whole ‘battle royale.’ Nonetheless, let the games begin!