BOW DOWN TO THE PPT

Indeud.

UPDATE: Go download the new iBC iPhone App.

Lots of cross-currents, especially in the currencies. This is a real hard market to gauge, which is why you should keep it light. If you have some sweet gains, off of the lows, take some off the table and chill out for awhile. Although I am adding to some positions today, I still have a decent amount of cash on the books. Plus anyway, I’m fucking nuts, with a 30% YTD gain, while you are just some guy reading my blog, poor and destitute.

At any rate, I have several pressing matters to attend to today. So, unfortunately, this will be my final post of the day. I am looking for the market to keep its gains, mainly because of the euro/yen situation.
However, I’ve been tricked before by this cocksucker of a market. The bottom line is this: trust nothing but the gains in your portfolio. You need to book them constantly. Hit and move, young boy, hit and move.

UPDATE: I sold out [[TYH]], in order to “respect the hybrid.”

I bought 20,000 ATPG, between $13-13.04, 5,000 MTW @ $12.05, 2,000 GS @ $143.21 and 5,000 FTK @ $1.42.

Disclaimer: If you buy the mosaic of stocks above because of this post, we will find out soon, the CEO of BP is actually an evil genius, who is intent on destroying the world. And, you may lose money.

As long as the Yen stays down, we are good to go. Mark my fucking words.

Okay, time to brag a little.

I’m up around 2.5% this morning, thanks to big dicked gains in the following stocks (note: I’d be up a lot more if it wasn’t for my 25% cash position):

TYH, ATPG, EMN, PKX, GS, RAX, MTA, IBN, C, MTW, CBD, SD, FLS and GMXR.

See pal, that’s who I am and you’re nothing. Do you think you are a good investor? Fuck you, go home and play with your kids. If you want to read here, you better make some money, or you’re out pal. Hit the bricks and beat it because time is money. By the way, I have no desire to share any scarce resources with the likes of you.

So, in closing, my gains for the year have eclipsed 30% aka “much more than yours.” And, I’m just getting warmed up.

BP is the greatest oil company in the history of the world. THEY FUCKING SAVED FLORIDA! I find it to be “so awesome” that the well was plugged. I am sure, as we speak, Texas Tea Men from, ummm, Texas, are celebrating over decadent breakfasts, as the readily devour large chicken eggs and liters of orange juice.

I warned you yesterday, and I quote: “you have to get hooked to this market. I told you to get hooked and now look at the market. It is giving you a chance to get hooked.”

If that sentence made no sense to you, very well. I will continue to go about my day, laughing on the inside, while scowling like an old man with a brain hemorrhage on the outside.

Today, I will make a “fuck load” of money, much to your chagrin.

The prospect of a “double dip” recession is entirely off the table, as future news of “A New and Improved Gilded Era” is upon us. Forget about welfare stamps and big stupid blocks of cheese. I am talking about $10,000 cheeseburgers, dressed in 24 karat gold wrappers.

Men of circumstance will walk around Manhattan, dressed like Teutonic Knights, only this time in solid platinum. The price of sugar shall sky rocket, as housewives indulge themselves in the decadency of properly prepared French pastries.

It appears the Europeans will in fact get their act together, effectively leading the way to a most heinous short squeeze, one that the world has never seen before. It will get so egregious, the CEO of BP will be elected new Prime Minister of England, for his splendid handling of the GOM oil spill “situation.” They shall write hard cover history books and scientific journals, outlining the ricochet effects of such extravagant and grander than life events and “eventualities.”

Hedge fund managers will wear tailor made suits, that expose their private anatomy, because they can. And, private equity funds will order the assassination of any uncooperative CEO, because it is their right.

I do not say these things because I am mentally ill, or insane. I say them because they are true. Always remember, the internets never lie.

I am so mad right now; this post has to be brief and to the point. I did not expect the volatility kick up like this so fast. And, as a result, I gave back some gains. The market got “BALLMER’d,” thanks to the CEO fo MSFT talking shit about his company.

In short, this is the worst case scenario for the market, to do an intra-day reversal with authority. Good call to some of you MOTHERFUCKERS who predicted this drop. Still, with the Vix down and TLT weak, it makes no sense to me, at all. We should have been up.

Off to punch holes in walls.

Classic talking shit top, on my behalf. There I was, just a few minutes ago, dancing on the graves of certain bearshitters. Then out of nowhere, a hand reached out from the grave, grabbed me by the neck, then ate my fucking brains.

What the fuck was I thinking? There is no reason to believe the market will behave responsibly. I need to start prostituting stocks, and stop marrying them. Although I like the idea of a sustained bounce, up to 1,125, the likelihood of the happening, in such an orderly manner, is not to be expected. As a matter of fact, it is now my belief that the market is set on raping everyone of their coin. It’s best to stay small, with cash of 20%+ and let the market fuck itself, instead of you.

Pardon my belligerency, but when markets behave like this, out of sequence/unpredictable, I get fucking pissed the fuck off. Naturally, now that I hate stocks and the people who trade them, we will likely moonshot the fuck up now. Even so, the point remains: don’t suck the cock of any stock, for that shit is gay, unless of course you’re a chick. However, that would be vulgar. 10,000 apologies for my rudeness.

NOTE: In case you are wondering the Euro and the Yen are fucking this market. The Euro needs to strengthen, while the Yen needs to weaken. As of now, the opposite is occurring. I fucking hate currency led markets.

Here we go, entering the closing hours into a full fledged rout of the bears. Let this be a lesson to some of you bearshitters out there: never get religious about your ideas—for all religions are lies.

My mantra, as always, is to outstrip, out-win you, while sipping ( never guzzling) on extra large cans of Monster Energy Soda (blue version). From my vantage point, you fuckers are soft, easily tricked, easily tossed into boiling murderholes. I will expand on this important issue later on.

Just know, for now, the market is going up and there is nothing you or your stupid friends can do about it.

I bought 15,000 ATPG from $12.87-$13.04 and 2,000 GS @ $142.70.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, your favorite hedge fund manager will target your largest long position with egregious sell short orders. And, you may lose money.