Balls of Titanium

You need to have titanium balls to make accurate market calls, in a time of flummox. After seeing the market decline by 1,000 points, then rally 400 off the lows, most people are sick and tired of guessing and find themselves in the back of the proverbial “jam sandwich”—if there is such a thing.

“Not I” said the cat, as well Mr “The Fly”.

I do not fear retarded markets, for I am the inventor of retard. Take a look at the Peanut Gallery for easy reference.

I like GLDD and do so with trenchant elation. By the way, they have started work on making barrier islands in the Gulf of Mexico. And, to boot, they are HQ’d in the corrupt state of Illinois–a win win.

You cannot understand my words because you dwell on lower levels of consciousness than Le Fly. While you watch the World Cup, I drink from one encrusted with diamonds and ancient rubies—if there is such a thing.

In short, I still think we go lower, but have made arrangements to secure my balls, in the event a “ball chopping” short squeeze ensues.

Top picks: VXX, GLDD, SD

If you’re buying BP, you might as well cop some “jumbo” with that and smoke it up while you invest. That fucking stock is heading “Titanic” in a matter of 1 months time, no floating door included. Sure, you can “take a gamble” and hope that the news doesn’t hit when you are long. However, more often than not, plans such as that fail in spectacular fashion.

Folks, BP is destroying the entire Southern coastline of the Unites Steaks of America. ROFL. And you want to go long? That stock is going to $20, then $10, in my estimation. I will buy it then, as a form of BRITISH LOTTERY.

We’re dippin’ today, rightfully so. We have been in an extreme OVERBOUGHT position for several days. This morning, I dove into TZA, head first, for my personal accounts. I’m in it for a glory, the absurdity and most definitely the good sandwiches.

In short, get your face masks ready, for this fucker of a market is about to fire off some hockey pucks, at the speed of sound, into your noses.

Stay away from poor people. They are uneducated, bitter, and generally degenerate losers.

I’m making a lot of unnecessary trades, due to the fact that I’ve been “box watching.” I swear to God and Santa Claus, I do much better when I’m out doing stupid shit, instead of watching tick by tick. I blew out of FAZ and GNK today, while buying a little more VXX and SD. Quite frankly, it’s all one big non-event.

Oh, I also bought a little HEAT, in order to take part in a little CHINESE LOTTERY.

As for the BP fiasco: I want them to pay for everything AND MORE. I just believe in due process, pardon me. I’m also the type of guy that believes cameras in NYC, due to “terror threats,” is fucking fascist. Everyone is Hitler. Therefore, no one is Hitler. See how that works? When the real Hitler steps up, you won’t even know it.

TLT moved up and my little VXX ticked a tad lower. Let’s see what tomorrow brings, shall we?

NOTE: I also sold out of ATPG today.

Good job Obama administration, for landing a $20 billion pay day from BP. With BP obligated to pay out 1.25bill per quarter, indefinitely, the Gov’t can allocate that new money to all sorts of new/cool/improved government welfare programs. As sure as I am sitting here, SOME MOTHERFUCKER IN N. DAKOTA WILL GET SOME BP MONEY, as their economy will be “effected” by the Gulf disaster too.

Fuck the government, with a metal rod, dressed with spikes.

The markets are consolidating here, with a bullish undertone. Nevertheless, it makes sense to stay hedged here, as the proverbial rug can be pulled at any time.

Who said equities are a good hedge versus inflation, aside from my nutsack? Last I checked, the previous period of American inflation was met with a staggered stock market. It was only until Reagan put the house in order, bringing down inflation, that stocks ripped higher. Sure, you can get a little commodity upside with inflation and some stocks will do well. However, if we are talking the sort of Zimbabwe-esque inflation that many of you dick suckers are talking about, WHO THE FUCK WILL BUY STOCKS THEN?

I swear, sometimes I feel like you people are fucking morons. Oh wait, this is America and the internets; you are fucking morons.

Oh, by the way, just because I said this market is due for a severe drop doesn’t mean that I am obligated to go homo-short banks right now. See, unlike you upright walking pigs, I am cognizant to the fact that the market moves methodically. It’s a rare, but recently common spectacle, to have large percentage gain drops and pops. I will adjust my portfolios accordingly, as I deem fit.

For now, people are buying the market. Trade rationally.

UPDATE: I sold out of FAZ for a loss.

UPDATE II: I bought 10,000 SD @ $6.80

FNM and FRE are down over 40% this morning. The worst ecological disaster in modern history is ongoing and yet the Dow is down a measly 20 points. Something doesn’t jive, if you know what I mean.

The Obama administration is attempting to nationalize a foreign oil company and people seem to be cool with it, due to the oil spewing into the Gulf. Does that make any sense to you? This is some seriously fucked up shit. Unfortunately, the answers to our problems are not to be found in the wonderful/splendid Republican party. They are all corrupt and deserving of the guillotine.

ATPG is finally in full recovery mode. I feel the stock is still 50% cheap.

With my money, I am waiting for the market to speak to me. Thus far, it’s being very quiet and ambiguous. However, I am emphatic about it going substantially lower by the end of Summer. With cap gains going up from 15% to 20% in January 2011, the BP disaster and European banks in dire need of more capital, a severe sell off is all but guaranteed now, just in time for the debut of Wall Street 2, coming 9/27.

Top picks: VXX, ATPG, SD and GNK

Naturally, I am about to take the other side of the popular trade. Two weeks ago, most of the internet proletariat was bearish, as the indices hit new lows. I went long and made a bundle. If I was properly motivated, WHICH I AM NOT, I’d bet large on a pending reversal. Credit default swaps for Spain are blowing out and the wolves will not stop until the EU is forced to cut rates and/or cut cheques.

Plus, The PPT has never been more extended as present conditions indicate, with more than 84% of large cap stocks ranked buy. Also, the hybrid score has advanced a record 7 days. The previous record is 5.

I am a big believer in setting new precedents. At the same time, I believe in my system, mainly because it has made me millions of dollars, literally. However, I am very open to the idea that it will miss this move and the market will keep marching higher. Like I said, I am open to the idea. However, if history is our guide, it is not likely.

This motherfucker is going to pause, then drop hard, similar to one of those spazzed out rides that you idiots go on, at your local “amusement park.”

Needless to say, I will continue to liquidate longs into strength, until my allocation is 50% cash, 15% VXX, 35% long.

I pretty much fucked upped with my sales yesterday and today. I should have kept all of my TNA, MWW, GS, X, FLS, PCP and RINO. I left a lot of fucking money on the table, for arrant assholes to swipe, unknowingly, at my expense. It’s not that I need the extra money. I fucking want it.

Markets like this are pretty fucking stupid, with all of its whips and saws. For me, I much prefer a steady melt up or down, in order to build positions or pile on. When markets act like this, it’s hard to do anything but trade. Despite doing a lot of trading, as of late, it’s not my preferred investment philosophy or objective. Trying to catch bottoms or tops is not so much different than playing Russian roulette. You can get lucky lots of times. But, every so often, you get your cabbage blown out.

Luckily for me, my cabbage has been blown out before, enabling to act in a way that protects my brain from sudden discharge. With my hedges and large cash position, I’ve been flat lining all day. Considering I was sure we would trade down today, I will take a flat day, compared to a 10% drubbing, had I been 100% short, any day of the week.

A few quick items:

Feeling natty here, I doubled my SD position. Also, I bought heavily shorted shipper, GNK, just for shits and giggles. Into further strength, I will liquidate my SHLD and GLDD positions, paving the way for a downside bias. I see the rally and it chagrins me to know I called it, yet did not participate in it. However, the fucking stock market does this shit like every two weeks.

No sweat; I’ll catch the next one.

I doubled my SD position in the $6.70’s. And, I started a position in GNK, buying 10,000 @ 17.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, your dog will shit on your bed. And, you may lose money.