Imagine yourself to be in a hazy state of exhaustion, because you only got 2.5 hours sleep the night before. Then imagine yourself having to schlep around, hauling stuff back and forth, throughout the dainty aisles of WFMI, in order to purvey the finest delicacies for Casa del Fly, at the behest of none other Mrs. Fly, VIII, Empress of the New Boots clan. After you zapped $600 out of your checking account for 10 bags of snacks, you walk over to the beverage section; because you are positively famished, with the thirst of 10,000 desert camels. You spot a fine lemonade, all organic and stuff. It looks promising. You cannot wait to open it, so that you might quench your insatiable thirst, a respite of sorts from a long day of white collar labor.
While on the express line, two metrosexual males yap it up in front of you, as they place their stupid groceries on that stupid organic conveyor belt. They behave in a way that is meant to mimic television personalities, as if they were performing for the rest of the WFMI afternoon, rich people, crowd. They chat it up, giggling, while placing bags of organic carrots and celery onto the freakin’ organic conveyor belt. Then it’s my turn. I pay for my lemonade and make my way to the back of the store, where the Empress and her subjects await. I take a sip.
On Jupiter’s stone, today I am convinced, more than any other day in my life, that this country is filled with raving lunatics. My face felt like it was going to explode from pure heat. It was as if I drank an entire bottle of the hottest sauce in existence, only posing as God damned lemonade. I read the back of the bottle and learned it was spiked with chili peppers, and other such undesirables, making for an “irresistible” beverage that will give you a “natural high.”
I JUST WANT TO QUENCH MY THIRST, GOD DAMN YOU!
My stomach feels like it has 20 bombs inside of it filled with lemon flavored gunpowder.
Just when I thought driving around some random, and dead, homeless guy/girl/whatever, in the front seat of your car for 6 months was crazy, I am introduced to hot sauce masquerading as lemonade.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
shit that made me feel allllllllright.
i love indulging in the misfortune of others
Empress of the New Boots clan. Funny.
Dang those lady boots are expensive!
And like bon bons, they can’t have just one.
____
Only (2) drinks that should be spicy in my book:
1. A fine Bloody Mary.
2. Reed’s Ginger Brew (red cap/extra ginger).
Spicy lemonade = some gross shit man! Sorry you experienced that at all.
lmao…good times.
What the fuck are you talking about!!!
Here I thought you were banned weeks ago.
You’re Banned!
I remember hearing about a guy who almost went to jail because he gave his kid Mike’s hard lemonade (this is when it first came out), not realizing it was spiked. You may not be very intestinally comfortable at the moment, but at least your not looking for a defense attorney!
The Fly is on fire!
‘She who must be obeyed’ must have laughed her boots off.
nic…Do you blog at F/X Live too? I thought I saw your pic there?
Hi yes I do, I have seen u there too
LMAO…and I bet it wasn’t cheap either….nothing likely getting experimented on and paying for it as well.
Fuck Shakespeare.
The Fly is God.
WFMI is great for everything but non-alcholic beverages. Their jihad against preservatives or whatever precludes them from offering Coke, Diet Coke, etc. When I go there for lunch on occasion, I bring my own can of soda.
Fuckin’ fatass!! Drink some water and avoid causing your body to endure health problems
A post for the Fly Hall of Fame.
All i drink is water/wine. Shut your piehole, jackwagon
What about the egregious amount of coffee? And energy drinks.
And for the record, i am not fat.
The lemonade is organic with organic hot shit in there. It can’t hurt you. You needed a waker-upper I suppose. Did it cost $5 or more?
Compared to other “important matters” posts, this one was lacking. I think the Mr. Doodles one takes the blue ribbon honours, and more.
you have to appreciate the gravity of the situation
Definitely ranks with the blue radio, non use of sunblock at the water park, and Grandpa Fly stories.
It does not top the fish story.
Ghetto Fab rules above all.
“… learned it was spiked with chili peppers.”
If you are going to shop at overpriced hoity toity metro sexual filled WFMI, you will need to learn the proper language.
It is not “spiked.”
The proper phrase is “chili pepper INFUSED lemonade.
Try to remember that you are not in Brooklyn with the lower classes.
@ tradercaddy: you are correct. Infused.
@ bufflao: i am operating on 2.5 hrs sleep. Cut me slack. I demand it.
Where are the firemen and their hoses when you need them most.
The important question is why did you only get 2.5 hours of sleep?
Since the March 2009 low, the trading day after any G-20 meeting has seen the NDX gap open higher 9 of 10 times. The only time it didn’t was 4/26/10 which marked an intermediate-term top leading to the flash crash and Summer decline.
looks like bears gonna get major ream job tomorrow.
certainly, ‘god damn(ed)’ would be considered the devils language.
God that place is egregious….I remember a few years back drinking some organic Ginger Ale man that stuff was awful.
“Stupid Organic Conveyor Belt” TFIG
Wrong. God damned is no diff than santa claus damned. Not a curse
in that case, there is no ‘the devil’s language.’ irony lost on you.
In soviet Russia, lemon squeezes you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WToBWrWkpqk&feature=related
remember the name of the co. that makes it?
LMFAO!!!!
I’ll step you into the ground
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ma0GhIuoq-s&feature=related
Best post ever
Regarding the dead passenger…what some people will do to drive in the Diamond Lane….For the Lemonaide, imho, it’s a great metaphore for QE…we think it’s sweet and will make us happy, but in the end will just burn our throats.
a secret message with every post, Nymph
lol…of course.
Sure glad I have a Fly decoder ring.
I feel you! Go to WD-50 and just try to get through the tasting menu without punching out the waiter, the chef, the owner and your date. Keep your zucchini foam off my chocolate cake and your peppers out of my lemonade. “Different” isn’t ipso facto “good”, you pretentious foodie fucks. Makes me want to eat meatloaf and twinkies 24/7.
so treu
Sirs of the internets, Methinks the fly was imbibing a concoction designed for weight loss… a ‘cleanse’ as it were… something the fly is in clear need of due to his diett.. the spicy lemonade diet… note the hot pepper on the ingredients list:
* 2 Tablespoons (1 fluid ounce) fresh-squeezed lemon or lime juice NOT BOTTLED JUICE!! (approx. 1/2 lemon),
* 2 Tablespoons (1 fluid ounce) organic Grade B maple syrup,
* 1/10 Teaspoon or more cayenne pepper (hot red pepper), and
* 1 Cup (8 fluid ounces) purified or spring water, NOT fluoridated water.
It should have had a warning on the label. Most egregious! I suggest litigation, post haste!
THIS IN:
THE DOLLAR IS BEING RAPED. Someone call the police.
And being made to pay for the rape kit. Egregious.
________
Well if it is by consent…is it really rape.
Are you sure you didn’t buy one of those cleanse program drinks that are so idiotically popular now? It’s the new get-thin scheme of 2010 that involves putting expensive crap in your body to avoid exercise. Yea, you’ll lose a couple pounds all while your jovial asshole is singing Ring of Fire to a bowl of regret.
Aka Johnny Cash diet.
The G-20 did Bollix this weekend, but at least we can send a paeon of praise to the Great Pumpkin for guiding us in the proper pathways…
________________
The Fly is most Blessed and has gotten off easy. At WFMI I recently bought a bottle of some sort of fermented mushroom-based drink, allegedly quite popular in some parts of Africa. Thought I’d try something new, expand my horizons. It was the second foulest thing I have ever put in my mouth (don’t ask).
Well like they say, you can sleep with a million women but suck one dick and you’re a faggot for life.
a punishment befitting the crime…
Ah so, amidst the despair there is finally, finally, a recognition of controlling genius in this whazooed society. The great FLY honors my Minerva by placing her pic to the left of his rant. Watch Minerva carefully, no Cassandra is she. And, never ever fuck with my pet owl Minerva.
“Potere รจ meglio di fottere”