Much to the chagrin of my mafia landscaper and illegal Mexicans, I ruined my entire front lawn, via excessive fertilizer and other egregious chemicals. It is now the laughing stock of the entire neighborhood, which leads “The Fly” to plot against his neighbors’ green grass, in the most depraved ways possible (mustard, sarin gas). Just today someone proposed that “perhaps aliens came to your house, look at those crop circles. (ha,ha,ha,ha)”
This vexes me a great deal.
Against the will of my landscaper, I’ve ordered the re-sodding of the entire lawn, and I quote: “get this hay the fuck out of here.”
I feel better now that I got this off of my chest.
Goodnight.
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sounds good to me .. now go get some fucking sleep 🙂
A good psychologist could probably write a book about why guys give a crap about our lawns. I’m about done giving a crap about anything. Screw grass. Screw arguments with stupid people (especially if it is a stupid person I’m married to). Screw crappy baseball teams. Screw __________________________! Fill in the blank.
My lawn is an extension of my penis.
Hmmm…. what was that you said about it taking ten minutes to mow it?
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I suffer from crab grass myself….
Flag on the play. Oversharing. 15 yards.
hahahahaha
I’m green with envy
it’s the inverse of my penis… I like to brag about how short it is.
Then after declaring “mine’s shorter” I get to have machismo arguments about just how short it is.
Backfill it with red gravel and when anyone asks, tell them you have, “a European rock garden.”
You must get your dog to piss on the lawns of your neighbors in the middle of the night. The acidic nature of said piss will create yellowish crop circles, and much embarrasment for your detractors. …with the added benefit of once he has marked his spot, he will do so again and again.
Going out on a limb here and saying this has nothing to do with your lawn.
they just don’t get it lmao … and they try to make $$ inn stock market…
CLUELESS
dick
Wrong. I really did murder all of my grass.
Hmmmm ……Fly, you should read the labels. Roundup is used for killing the green stuff not fertilizing it.
Just a note about that particular product and its maker, Monsanto. Farmers in these parts are beginning to notice Roundup resistant weeds in their fields. Could be bad news for the company as they sell a boatload of that stuff. I don’t know what percentage of their profit margin is constituted by Roundup but someone with access to that info should look it up.
Um… have you been paying attention to their stock price over the last year?
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Ouch… Put that gargoyle in the middle of the lawn, they won’t even notice the lack of grass
Or a rainbow fountain that spouts gold coins, see?
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Nothing says, “look at me I’m rich,” like a fountain spewing gold coins.
Now you just need to impale some scarecrows on some large stakes out front and plant some seeds.
The grass will be back in no time.
Fuck it, pave it all and spray paint it green.
nice
Better… wall to wall bocce courts. Then you can charge for tournaments and tiny tiny glasses of anisette.
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How tiny?
Lemon rinds too?
Fuck yes!
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(Thimblesize, three shot minimum)
_
Coffee beans too?
Espresso only puh-leeeze. But yes. One per thimble.
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Okay, I will tell my dead Italian Grandfather he was doing it all wrong. The Irish guy from the internets said so.
There’s no need for all that digging. I’m just takiing it upscale, is all.
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Astroturf that shit.
Dayman- so you’ve been to Los Angeles, eh?
Not a bad Idea. I personally was thinking more of the lines of uprooting it and putting in fucking astroturf. Makes it all the more easier to shoot golf balls into neighbors windows without leaving evidence in the form of large divots.
grass don’t grow in fucking Brooklyn.
I don’t lives in no Brooklyns you fucking pineapples.
Prospect Park is nicer than it’s sister, Central.
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Go to Central Park: get raped.
just took central park off my itinerary
No way. Go to Central Park. Beautiful!
lol Cajun, yeah, don’t want to take the wife and kids there now!
Cajun’s got kids already??
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nothing scary about central park.
use some of your internet money and buy astroturf
I need to learn to scroll down a bit before replying. Sorry about that.
ha! fuck it, I’m digging that shit 10 meters deep and I’m building a fucking moat around my house. Who needs lawn?
Welcome to my world. Thousands a year in lawn replacement and maintenance. Ripped out the entire irrigation system. Twice. Then on top of that, obnoxiously tall palm tree and oak trimming (100lb seed pods will kill you if you don’t cut them early – so sorry neighbor Pete (R.I.P.), pesticides for the 10000 varieties of creatures hell bent on sucking the life out of your giant tree ferns (also R.I.P.), a bigass man made pond with countless pedigreed Koi fish …
I occasionally turn to my wife and tell her “I want to live in a high-rise condo penthouse. You can have a deck garden, that’s it. If I’m feeling generous, I’ll stick a $!@!$! pergola over it.”
She laughs and pats me on the arm.
That’s what you get for trying to pull verdant life from a desert.
I would advise “sagebrush and scorpions” as a workable theme.
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You and I live a similar life. I am obsessed with making things grow. However, those fucking bugs are like little vampires, sucking the life out of my creation. I am thinking mustard gas will do the job.
I hate to tell you, but Mother Nature is an Indestructible Cruel Green Bitch. Hell, I’ve tried sowing salt and taking the “scorched earth” approach, and still, Fire Ants and weeds move back in.
The vermin built a mountainous stronghold under/on my paver driveway and started a local chapter of WSBHWYSIDAG*.
Jake- we get enough of sagebrush and scorpions in the form of foreclosures in Florida. I don’t want to be reminded of my Slum Lord portfolio every time I look out the window.
Good night and good gardening to all.
* We’ll Still Be Here When Your Species Is Dead And Gone
Replace lawn with organic vegetable garden. Exciting drama every day, not a boring plane of green (or in your case, brown). Much cheaper, and you get to eat it. Nuff said.
Plus the bugs will love it.
I sold my house four years ago. Instead of doing yardwork, I spend my weekends cultivating my pubic mane. It’s much less expensive and infinitely more rewarding.
Are you a horse?
That’s what she said.
No joke, there’s a guy on the trading floor who got called out on the carpet for harrassment, apparently because he could not restrain himself from adding that epigram to every innocuous phrasing.
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That’s what she said.
There are no innocuous phrases.
IN BED.
Did he dieded?
Tomorrow I will post of pic of this atrocity, known as “my lawn.”
I bet the neighbors are laughing at me as we speak!
Screw the neighbors, set your Christmas display up early.
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Set up one of those Rotisserie Jesus Baby Brisket lit up manger-type Nativity scenes.
That’ll really piss off the neighbors.
1) They can’t complain, because it’s Baby Brisk, er Jesus. You can just pull the pious card on em.
2) You can style your dead lawn to look like a vague holy man with beard (or Elvis), and pilgrims will come, further annoying the neighbors.
You could claim it is a BP Protest Yard. You are standing in solidarity with RC and the pelican in the destruction of their mating habitat.
Organic compost works like a fucking charm. Plus you don’t deal with mutants who may be slowly incubating in your grass as we speak. Fuck Monsanto!
Silly fool, Frankenlawn is the only answer here… obviously.
Besides my bocci idea, of course.
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why don’t you cover the lawn with $100 bills? grass=green, benjamin=green, no?
I was thinking that in Fly’s case the grass was greener on the other side, but rolling out the freshly minted Benjamins would leave his neighbors (and the non-distinguished) in awe.
I have no idea what The Fly’s yard size is, but let’s say it’s around 40,000 sq. ft., meaning that if you covered it with $100 bills, there would be ~$35,942,133 sitting on dirt. Hmmm, pay dirt.
hilarious, how hard could it be right? i gave up the chemicals three years ago and left it to the professionals.
So domesticated, with the lawn and all… House Fly.
To vaguely tie together the subject of Fly’s yard and the Stock Market, I give you this kickass photo:
http://www.wallcoo.com/nature/2010_Landscape_1920_Desktop_09/wallpapers/1920×1200/Aerial%20View%20of%20Tulip%20Flower%20Fields,%20Amsterdam,%20The%20Netherlands.html
So, sometimes Mother Nature has her good points.
Your ink cartridge is fucked up.
Your problem was hiring Mexican landscapers. You should have hired Andrew Zimmern and given him a bucket of boiling oil. Bugs- gone. Then get some cattle and let those grass-fed fuckers go to work. When they’re done cut ’em up and throw them on the grill. Toss the carcasses in the neighbor’s trash and see if Mayor Bloomberg goes after the vermin feasting on it.
lower
Fly,
Get even with your neighbors by spreading rock salt on their immaculate green lawns. Be creative and layout designs such as: German swashtika, Satanic pentagram, 666, Eat Me, and the infamous Crack Sold Here.
In case you need some free jail time.
Am back. S&P still higher in 1-2 days from now. Latest post – http://www.ibankcoin.com/peanut_gallery/index.php/2010/08/03/riding-it/
Tonight Shanghai Comp sold off into the close, down 1.7% led by a decline of the Steel Makers, Billet spot out of China was flat too, India was dovish in comments about their miners…..fwiw. Europe is red too, on the weakness of miners.
Today’s statistics fit my positioning. Feels good.
You have a lanscaper so stay the fuck away from your lawn.
Lawns are neckties …useless badges of conformity.
Unless you have kids, then they are good places to toss a football, play a half court game of soccer, launch lax shots, etc, etc.
I’m told Barbie likes to have tea parties on our lawn as well.
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http://www.saferbrand.com/store/organic-lawn-care/9325
Read the review, it is exactly correct, I’ve used this product.
It has also been my experience that insect damage is greatly reduced or eliminated when plants are fed without the use of chemical (NPK) fertilizers.
What are you, a POT short?
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Nope, the advantage to NPK on crops is higher yield, with the trade-off that higher pesticide levels are required. The last thing you want from lawn grass is higher yield. Plus, with a very thin topsoil layer that is not regularly tilled, NPK is hard on the soil much quicker than a comparable agricultural operation.
It was a joke, you don’t need to get all Farmer Bob on this city boy.
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Oh, I know: the comment was (hopefully) for the benefit of those persons that have FUBAR’d their lawns with NPK, pesticides, soil “aeration”, etc.
Ok now where is the Jewish neighbor guy, this post is a layup for him. My town banned the use of underground irrigation systems. They wont stop you from first spending thousands to install it though. Fuck em all, right in the ass. My lawn looks like Augusta. Im the shit because of this.
Here I am and what makes you think I am Jewish? It was Fly’s meshugana neighbor on the other side who was laughing. Actually, the brown dead lawn does blend in real nice with the dark Lawn Jockey and the plastic pink Flamingos in your front yard. Just put in a tennis court so Fly, Jr. can work on his game.
Ahahaha…. Dooooood! Well that’s the problem with human kind, even a genius can’t be smart about everything. I will point out that you manage your financial accounts with the skill and finesse of an Olympic champion; you don’t over work it, you simply out smart it. You can approach your lawn the same way. Plant the seed, watch it grow and don’t over work it. When the weeds start in, pull them by hand, not with poisonous chemcals, you will eventually out smart them and have a beautiful lawn.
Know the feeling, earlier this year I decided to have my lawn treated. My lawn was gorgious..all of a sudden I start to see the whole lawn slowly start to burn up…he would not admit it, but he burned my yard up.
Lawns are overrated (unless you have a Homeowners Assoc. on your ass).
I enjoy having my three acres of woods,sand, and fruit trees.
Once in awhile somebody new moves into the area and the first thing they do is cut down a bunch of trees in the front and plant St. Augustine grass.
Why, I have no idea.
Devout Catholics, maybe?
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funny
I believe they are called weeds up North.
We live in the woods but still take care of the property. It’s amazing that people just let things go like not maintaining their own trees..they just let them fall into their neighbors yard.
On a side note..falling in love with a home is a big mistake..money pit.
The craziest neighbor I ever had would get drunk and walk around talking to his trees…none of you would ever do that?
Aren’t you one of those religious guys? And you think talking to trees is crazy?
FUCK YEAH
I just made back half of yesterdays losses. Now, I can get back on plan and stop fucking up.
Sounds like you need to first consider position size.
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I remember my wife and I standing there in front of our new home, and our children asking.. What is he doing?
What does Senor Fly know of Landscaping?
Mr. Whole Foods VIP Club
Sodfather!
Karma pts
How is this market not plunging. I dont get it.
Give the bulls some time. They have just been told they’ll be slaughtered and need to be left alone to go through the 5 stages of grief. So far they’re somewhere between 1 and 2 (denial and anger). By the end of the day we’re gonna see the 3rd (bargaining), and after Friday’s job figures they will reach depression and, finally, turn into us, bears.
Again, I refer to exhibit A — “incredulousness” and Exhibit B “complete denial,” above, as two of many reasons why we are just getting started ovah heah.
Wall of Worry keep on toinin’, Proud Mary keep on boinin’…. rolling… rolling… rolling onnah rivaaaahhh..
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Ah…lol, sniff sniff….that smell of the sell off is coming….India’s “We are going to close all exports of Ore” is getting weak…..come On Proud Mary….let’s rock this place, lol…
Doesnt matter
I got what i needed this morning.
I did not completely undo yesterday’s damage, but i reduced it to a level I can live with. Now, I’m back to my strategy which is a winner.
Long or short, i dont care.
Ive successfully been scalping short around a core 25% short position last 2 days. There are short profits to be made, just wait for intraday pops to short first. This isnt the kind of market where you can short breakdowns.Ever.
Wait for the bounces. We’re likely going to see a huge crash from here–but not in a straight line. Stairstep is most likely.
Barring that, you can bob for bacon-wrapped sirloin cubes in a tubful of pirahna.
It’s about the risk-reward.
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I think the market’s inability to rally with oil is saying that we could be at a major top, right here. I want to have at least a small swing short exposure.
lol, I keep putting my head, by choice, into the Pirahna Tub to learn how they move and feed…the meat cubes tell me nothing, plus I’m vegan…lol.
Beware the grassy knoll.
more legs to this bull run
get soil tests & fix the soil before you put that sod down; otherwise your sod will meet the same fate as your former lawn.
‘said this before
I have to agree with the tests. Too much acidity in the soil. I have seen Fly’s illegal Mexican gardeners urinating all of the time on the lawn. Fly refuses to put in a toilet in the shed behind his house where his illegals live.
Likely the dead bodies buried there have contaminated the soil
Fly,
With the lack of moisture we have had in N.Y. it is inperative you don’ t allow the new sod to dry out. Reset
sprinkler system to put down a inch of water every other day. After the sod knits, usually two to three weeks,
go back to normal watering. Have your landscaper buy a bag of ” Roots ” it is an organic root stimulant that
is unbelievable. He can buy it at any commercial landscape supply. The rate is ten pounds per thousand
square feet. Would never consider laying sod without it.
So, when do we get to see photos of the Lawn of the Damned?
Bad earnings news, bad econ news, bad auto sales news…..markets barely phased.
Do ya think by chance folks are now counting on “dollas from choppas”?
sure aint banking on a good employment report.
This market is funny. Sort of when bulls are being pulled on a leash to the nearest butcher, and they still try to chew more green and get a cow.
Keep an eye on this one. He will be your “tell.”
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lol
Hi
Does anyone work here anymore? I’ve been ringing this bell on the counter but its not working.
Thanks