iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,443 Blog Posts

Cannon Fodder

With pomp and purpose, fat men decorated in pretentious garments sashayed within the city walls, buying up all available provisions for the upcoming soiree. Their wives were overwrought with delight, as the 3rd annual “party for the privileged” began.

Their host was a curious man, with a baritone voice. He wore a festive mask and carried golden balls the size of grapefruits, in an elaborate briefcase, for no apparent reason.

Amidst a cavalcade of ostentatious costumes, the host grew wearisome. Loudly, he yelled out “YO, FUCKTARD,” in a tone that struck the audience in a most terrifying/harrowing manner. Lesser men were submerged with fear, afraid of getting entangled in some sort of uphill scuffle with the masked man—who carried golden balls the size of grapefruits, in an elaborate briefcase—for no apparent reason.

Needless to say, they fled the scene in a most expeditious manner.

Neatly decorated women gawked at the masked man through their monocles, amazed by what they saw him do next.

In what can only be described as “imbecilic senselessness,” the masked man, with the bullying voice fit for a barbarous ruffian, jumped into a florid cannon made from solid gold, which was laced with decorative silver jesters and harlequins, then proceeded to launch himself, mind you, into the adjacent acreage—which was replete with “leprechaun green” stringed beans.

So goes the story of the masked man.

If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter

32 comments

  1. jungleegirl

    fly is god. prose: nonpareil.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  2. DEVILDOG

    My ring fingers are longer than my index fingers. I will WIN the WAR.

    Finger length may predict financial success
    WASHINGTON
    1/12/2009 6:30:03 PM
    By RANDOLPH E. SCHMID
    The length of a man’s ring finger may predict his success as a financial trader. Researchers at the University of Cambridge in England report that men with longer ring fingers, compared to their index fingers, tended to be more successful in the frantic high-frequency trading in the London financial district.

    Indeed, the impact of biology on success was about equal to years of experience at the job, the team led by physiologist John M. Coates reports in Monday’s edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

    The same ring-to-index finger ratio has previously been associated with success in competitive sports such as soccer and basketball, the researchers noted.

    The length ratio between those two fingers is determined during the development of the fetus and the relatively longer ring finger indicates greater exposure to the male hormone androgen, the researchers noted.

    Previous studies have found that such exposure can lead to increased confidence, risk preferences, search persistence, heightened vigilance and quickened reaction times.

    In a separate study last year, Coates and colleagues reported that the hormone that drives male aggression and sexual interest also seemed able to boost short term success at finance.

    They studied male financial traders in London, taking saliva samples in the morning and evening. They found that those with higher levels of testosterone in the morning were more likely to make an unusually big profit that day. Testosterone, best known as the male sex hormone, affects aggression, confidence and risk-taking.

    In the new study, the researchers measured the right hands of 44 male stock traders who were engaged in a type of trade that involved rapid decision-making and quick physical reactions.

    Over 20 months those with longer ring fingers compared to their index fingers made 11 times more money than those with the shortest ring fingers. Over the same time the most experienced traders made about 9 times more than the least experienced ones.

    Looking only at experienced traders, the long-ring-finger folks earned 5 times more than those with short ring fingers.

    While the finger ratio, showing fetal exposure to male hormones, appears to signal likely success in high-actively trading that calls for risk-taking and quick reactions, it may not indicate people who would do well at other sorts of financial activities, the researchers said.

    Some traders require additional skills on dealing with clients and sales workers.

    And the advantage may even reverse for some, Coates team said, such as traders taking a more analytical and long-term approach to the markets.

    One study, which looked at average finger ratios in university departments found that faculty from math, science and engineering exhibited longer index finger ratio, rather than ring finger, they noted.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  3. pn

    Unfortunately for you DD the longer ring finger hypothesis doesn’t work on retards.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  4. Big Sky

    DevilDog Is that you SL of CLG? or another road racer in MT.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  5. El Tiberon

    Dog,

    Yeah, yeah, mine are too and I used to pummel the shit out of running backs and QBs too. One trait does not make a man. Gotta have a well rounded skillset.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  6. Woodshedder

    Does it cancel it out if your pecker is shorter than your pinky?

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  7. DEVILDOG

    El, I was an all state QB. Odd no?

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  8. DEVILDOG

    Wood, only you would know the answer to that question.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  9. El Tiberon

    Yes, odd…

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  10. Big Sky

    thought I knew all the 55y road racers in MT. sorry I guess your not Lillie from Dallas. How’s the weather in Billings

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  11. Mushroomz

    Who put acid in the Fly’s chicken?

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  12. El Tiberon

    All State isn’t that High School? Not to belittle your accomplishment(s), but I think H.S. anything should be banned…other than cheerleaders (female).

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  13. DEVILDOG

    Big Sky, I just moved to MT. Have done most of my laps at TMR southwest of Ft. Worth. Don’t know about Billings. I’m in Somewhere, MT.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  14. Johnny Wad

    My pecker is longer than my leg. Odd, no?

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  15. pn

    I have it on good authoritay (Manswers) that all males have longer ring fingers than index fingers…

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  16. Braveflaps

    Lotta nervous bulls up around Somewhere.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  17. DEVILDOG

    Yes it was HS. I got an injury that kept me out of college ball. We were state champs. My fullback went on to play for the Seattle Seahawks and the Miami Dolphins in the 70s. Definitely agree about the cheerleaders. Those were the days. BTW, all of ours were female.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  18. hmmmmm

    Is this quixotic tale a metaphor to the banking CEO/Treasury Secretary/money manager circa 2008?

    In the The Land of Bean that is Strung the residents find no respite from starvation due to lack of inability to cultivate and consume stringed beans themselves. No serfice [sic], no chance for survival.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  19. El Tiberon

    Mosaic & Potash are cutting heads…oddly the media are blaming it on the price of Potash…Mad Geniuses.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  20. Big Sky

    I,m on the Madison and share your views. Thanks for the support. Sorry to have confused you with another acquaintance. Cheers to this nice weather for a change.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  21. crude_oil

    WTF,Fly ease up on those fucking meds.Turning a little gay.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  22. El Scorcho

    I was offered a 1/4th-scholly to a Division III school, odd no?

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  23. T MOE

    Crude trading at 36.70 in electronic trading right now. It could bust right thru 36 to 35 or below tomorrow on its way to 30. Not good news for XOM and the like. But great news for me as I am short that bastard. XOM goes to 70 soon

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  24. T MOE

    Nikkei getting its ass kicked, down 4.5%. Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings. There will be blood

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  25. Aris

    i wonder if it’s time to run the banks into the ground again. like BAC $6 style.

    also, i drove through montana about a year and a half ago. nice place.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  26. captain obvious

    this fucking retard DD is still making up shit about his past? what a sorry sack of shit.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  27. The Fly

    Crude oil:

    May you drown in a puddle of surplus oil.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  28. Botd

    So you’re saying .. Hmmm …

    Short BG!?!

    Fuck Soy beans?

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  29. Cigarmund Fraud

    Sometimes a string bean is just an elf’s penis.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  30. lopsang_sherpa

    Fly,

    Hunter S. Thompson beat you to it…

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  31. gatorman

    Fly,
    You really need to have Mrs. Fly be sure you take your meds daily. Seroquel is your friend, just like your state-appointed psychiatrist….just a thought. I know, go F-myself, etc……

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"