DEATH TO EQUITIES

Ladies and Gents,

I’ve been busy all morning, plotting for end of days. As you know, I’ve prepared for this decline in advance and now speak to you from atop the highest of mountains, urinating on everyone below.

The Dow is off by 170 and my UVXY is higher by 9%, placing me in the indelible position of winship. Both my BAC and NVDA short are performing with grace and my DRIP position is idling itself — but of course waiting for an opportunity to pounce.

On the long side, I preside over FIZZ, UCTT, ESPR and HMNY — all of which are doing fine.

I speak to you from a position of authority. None of you have any idea what is going on, because you’ve grown to be fat and sloppy. You’ve grown man-tits and have become slothful thanks to the gross perversions of the bull market. Some of you are so lazy, you transport yourselves inside wheeled chairs and brag about these things on Twitter, in spite of having two perfectly fine working legs. While you were ensconced in the decadence and the excess, I was in the lab getting grizzled, hardened by data, growing my intellectual curiosity and building strategies for this comeuppance. I was born to raze market and meant to trade at this very moment in time.

Watch me as I preside over you and kick your heads in like soccer balls, accomplishing winship,

Before I head off for a 2 hour slumber, I’d like to inform you that the US yield curve is now 66.9bps and getting tighter by the second. This is extremely onerous for the banks. Short them at will.

Also, Nasdaq futures are -14, Dow -60. Feel free to buy protective puts and also volatility. There is a king’s ransom to be made on volatility, at the right time, during the right circumstances.

When I accurately called the market crash in 2008, it wasn’t a sure thing. You can check my archives and see how I did it. I undertook probing exercises and always flipped back to long. I stayed nimble and when things started to go south, I bet big on the downside. When people covered, hoping for the BTFD scenario, I leveraged into my short positions and faded them. I made so much money in 2008-2009, my fucking arms were involuntarily punching people in the face when I walked by them. I swear to God. Ask anyone who knew me back then.

I don’t know when this market will collapse — but it will eventually. We have to watch for the little things, like yield curves, FX markets, and junk bonds. If I see anything that looks suspect, I’m in on the fucking short side within seconds — not because I’m a bearshitter who hates stocks and prosperity, but because I’m the greediest motherfucker you’ll ever meet and I wake up everyday with the goal to win.

Talk shit all you want, but when things get bad, and trust me they will, I’m gonna be your best friend and you’re gonna be trying to suck my cock for ideas (no homo).

Sleep tight.

What do you think?

JNK vs S&P 500 – The correlation isn't great but interesting divergence. High yield leading or #BTFD? pic.twitter.com/GNyW1J8LGw

— JP Scott, CFA (@JackPScott) November 8, 2017

Lower prices on junk bonds means yields are rising along with perception of risk. This is interesting, especially since the US yield curve is now flattest since 2007. Although the data isn’t suggesting cause for concern, the bond market and pin action in the banks are, which should garner your mosquito brain tier attention spans when trying to analyze your next moves in this market.

JNK ETF down six days in a row, closing near its seven month low. SPX up five of last six days, closing at an all time high. Which is right?

— Jeffrey Gundlach (@TruthGundlach) November 8, 2017

Meanwhile, markets closed at record highs.

BREAKING NEWS: The Dow Jones Industrial Average, S&P 500, and Nasdaq all close the day at record highs. This is the 76th record close for the Dow since Election Day 2016, and 59th record close under @POTUS. pic.twitter.com/rpIi3OUfVz

— FOX Business (@FoxBusiness) November 8, 2017

The US yield curve is getting flatter by the day. Very soon, it will be discussed on all of your lovely financial news channels and you’ll be panicked into selling your bank stocks because of MUH recession. I know, the economy is chugging along at a brisk 3% pace; but all of this enthusiasm can quickly grind to a halt once Trump’s tax plans are tossed into the ocean.

Bank stocks have rolled over.

The yield curve is 68bps and heading lower.

TROUBLE AHEAD? US yield curve continues to flatten. 2s/10s yield spread drops to 0.68%, lowest since 2007. pic.twitter.com/LmdraTUEdx

— Holger Zschaepitz (@Schuldensuehner) November 8, 2017

Why are women so damned mean? Was that a sexist remark? I don’t think so. Here’s a nice middle aged man trying to explain to Francis why the tax cut wasn’t for him. Whether you agree with him or not is immaterial. Look at the scorn she directed towards him, bitter and angry because his position on taxes didn’t jibe with hers.

Even if the tax cuts made perfect sense, it is literally the job of democratic advisors to defecate on republicans all day long. They’re mainly a-political hacks who want to win.

Shame on Melissa Francis for behaving like an uncaged animal.

BONUS!

From what I could gather, poor Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, a man of supreme style and distinction, has been detained at the Ritz Carlton conference room and is either sleeping on a plebeian cot or the floor, under armed guard.

Dare I say we need to free his majesty immediately?

FREE PRINCE ALWALEED BIN TALAL GOD DAMN IT pic.twitter.com/pBlDRTgGht

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) November 8, 2017

In other news, I’ve decided that I truly hate oil. I do not hate it as much as I hate bitcoins — but unlike with bitcoins, I am able to do something about my hatred with oil. I purchased the ticking time bomb known as DRIP — 3x inverse oil and gas.

Also, I took profits on BITA. I bought it the other day and booked a 5% gain. Not bad for a few days of lying around and looking at the screen.

My bearish positions are long UVXY, short NVDA, short BAC and now long DRIP. What a lovely portfolio.

Let’s see if you can get your head around this one.

Bitcoin surged last week in anticipation of the ‘hard fork.’ Everyone scrambled to get a piece of the finite action. Now today, it skyrocketed again on news that this so called ‘hard fork’ was being suspended.

“Our goal has always been a smooth upgrade for Bitcoin,” a group of leaders in bitcoin development told members of the SegWit2x mailing list Wednesday. “Unfortunately, it is clear that we have not built sufficient consensus for a clean blocksize upgrade at this time. Continuing on the current path could divide the community and be a setback to Bitcoin’s growth. This was never the goal of Segwit2x.”

As fees rise for bitcoin transactions, the developers said they hoped the digital currency community could find agreement on how to solve the problem. “Until then, we are suspending our plans for the upcoming 2MB upgrade.”

You keeping up? Bitcoiners should fuck themselves.

Bitcoins are higher by 4.5% to nearly $7,500 and Ethereum is up almost 3% to $298 — a level in which blockchainfags have been dying to break. Due to the Bitcoin Fork, something both rueful and annoying, BTC has been given free license to trade up on the hype. Meanwhile, ETH has taken a back seat and all of the other little currencies have been sitting there, watching this shit happen like little bitches — all the while BTC enjoyed a movie star lifestyle. While all of this happened, that ABSOLUTE FAGGOT in the wheeled chair, Stephen Hawking, said earth would be a ‘giant fireball’ by 2,600 — thanks to fossil fuels. Clearly, his brain is in the wheeled chair too, and now he’s just talking out of his asshole — pretending to know what life would be like on earth — 600 years from now.

I mean, seriously, there’s no fucking way we’d be using oil at that point. You know it. I know it. Stephen Hawking can go fuck himself — wheeled chair and all.

Meanwhile, China’s Tencent acquired 146 million shares of SNAP — and that, my friends, is how you negate a terrible quarterly loss and get momentum into your shares. Well played, Snapfags.

In other news, Democrats won big in the Virginia elections last night and now people believe they are poised to win back the house in 2018. God I hope this happens, as it will likely trigger and immediate impeachment of Trump. Clearly, we cannot let a white nationalist, especially the latter, in the White House. It will be fun times.

Using the sublime harmony of mathematical precision (SHOMP), Exodus provides users with a discernible edge in analyzing the market. Here are 23 large cap stocks that were flagged as oversold on the principle algorithm in Exodus today.

Shares of tech darling Snapchat are plunging in the after-hours, barreling towards fresh lows. After the VCs brought this company of ill repute public at criminal 50x sales, you knew this was going to happen. Seriously, who didn’t know?

Reports Q3 (Sep) loss of $0.14 per share, excluding non-recurring items, $0.01 better than the Capital IQ Consensus of ($0.15); revenues rose 62.2% year/year to $207.9 mln vs the $236.71 mln Capital IQ Consensus.

Daily active users (DAU) — DAUs grew 4.5 mln (3%) Q/Q to 178 million vs. 183 mln estimates.

Average revenue per user (ARPU) — ARPU was $1.17 in Q3 2017, an increase of 39% over Q3 2016 when ARPU was $0.84. ARPU increased 12% over Q2 2017 when ARPU was $1.05. Hosting costs per DAU — Hosting costs per DAU were $0.68 in Q3 2017, as compared to $0.64 in Q3 2016 and $0.61 in Q2 2017.

“In Q3 2017, we recorded $39.9 million of charges related to Spectacles inventory, primarily related to excess inventory reserves and inventory purchase commitment cancellation charges.”

It’s over Snapfags. The rally that was supposed to be has failed. Now prepare for horrible horribles.