Greetings from the Ark: Here’s to Not Giving a Shit About Record Highs

If you thought new highs might drag curmudgeon Fly out from his ark, you’d be wrong. I don’t give a shit about new highs. I’ve traded the market since I was a wee lad, running about the sewers of Brooklyn in search of fortune. I see stocks spiking higher and then continue to chew on potato chips, obstinant and confident that all of this decadence will one day end in flames.

Bear in mind, this end of days scenario might not even happen in your lifetimes. That’s all right, since I have an eternity to see this pan out.

In the interim, I remain long the single best performing asset class that all of you love to hate: treasuries. Admit it, you’re just silly fucking assholes who have no idea what’s going on in the real world, so you make up an imaginary one for you and your stupid family to inside of.

That being said, I remain SHORT FCX, into new record highs for the indices. You can never say “Fly is just a bandwagon trader. He always shorts when things go awry.”

Fuck the bandwagon and everyone on it.

Fuck your new highs pic.twitter.com/7vT4RcfLvZ

— The_Real_Fly (@The_Real_Fly) August 9, 2016

The DAX is higher by 2.5% today, by far the best performer in the western world. Just the other day I highlighted it inside Exodus because it was oversold.

Here was the day it flagged.

And here are the actual results of previous OS signals for EWG.

In a nutshell, that’s what Exodus does. It intuitively learns levels in stocks and ETFs from which they’ve bounced or sold off from, providing users with an edge to trade markets. Plain and simple: it wins a lot more than it loses.

Mercedes and BMW are going to swoop in and eat Tesla’s lunch, as soon as the market is big enough. Also, board the ark.

Classic stuff.

File this one under “LOL”.

I mean, seriously, has Marc ever seen a market he didn’t want to short, or at least drop by 50%?

Erdogan wants his arch enemy, who happens to live in Pennsylvania. To get him, the United States must extradite him. It would be very nice for Mr. Gulen to volunteer to travel back to Turkey. However, being that Erdogan wants him dead, it’s not likely to occur.

Turkey has demanded we hand over Gulen, or else…

“There is a serious anti-American feeling in Turkey, and this is turning into hatred,” Justice Minister Bekir Bozdag said in an interview with state-run Anadolu Agency, broadcast live on Turkish television channels. “It is in the hands of the United States to stop this anti-American feeling leading to hatred.”

“Whether the U.S. extradites Gulen or not this will be a political decision,” Bozdag said. “If he is not extradited, Turkey will have been sacrificed for a terrorist.”

“That terrorist leader will come to Turkey and pay for what he did. We will hold him accountable for the blood of our martyrs and veterans,” Yildirim told a meeting of his ruling Islamist-rooted AK Party in parliament.

“That religious, impudent, lying, bloody murdering nothing will be surely held accountable.”

Hate away, fuckers.

I promised not to do politics, but this is too much. Explain to me how this is smart politics for #TeamHillary? Are they this crazy to seat the Father of the terrorist who committed the Orlando nightclub killings directly behind their candidate at an Orlando rally, who then later held up a pro Hillary, gun control, sign?

Why, I believe they are.

This shit makes no sense.

Gun control.

It’s worth noting, this piece of human refuse supports the Taliban and believes God will punish gays.

But…

It’s a Democratic party so everybody can enjoy,” he said, when asked why he decided to attend the rally. “Why should they be surprised, I love the United States.”

Party, party.

What exactly is the motivation behind subjecting people to settling for less? I understand the concept of profits and can appreciate most business models like the next man. But this new trend in hotels which includes ‘micro rooms’ seems a bit dreary, almost Orwellian, to me.

A few assholes, who operate hotels under the Tommie brand, want you to pay $199 to $350 (maybe more) for rooms that barely fit a bed in it.

The partners are squeezing 575 rooms, each no more than 165 square feet (15 square meters), into the two buildings in an effort to maximize profits in a market where high land costs and a surge in room supply are eroding operators’ pricing power and eating into developers’ returns. This year through June, average nightly room rates in New York City fell 3.3 percent from the same period in 2015 to $237.93, and revenue per available room — a performance metric used by the hotel industry — dropped 3.2 percent, according to lodging-data firm STR.

The only reason why anyone in their right mind would do this, pack humans into a building like sardines or living batteries like in the Matrix, is because of greed. Why build 250 normal sized rooms when you can build 575 pods and charge the same price?

Fuck these guys. I recoil from this.

This stock is so bad it’s good. Anything better than the CEO resorting to panhandling at Penn Station to meet the quarter gets the stock going higher again. Lo and behold, the company reported an earnings miss (only by 8 cents) and the stock is ripping higher because of it.

Why?

Free cash flow is up and guidance was in line.

For the love of God, the company is guiding estimates towards $7 in earnings for the year, putting VRX in the value camp at just 3x earnings.

Reports Q2 (Jun) earnings of $1.40 per share, $0.08 worse than the Capital IQ Consensus of $1.48; revenues fell 11.4% year/year to $2.42 bln vs the $2.45 bln Capital IQ Consensus.
Business update:

We have taken steps to streamline our portfolio in the second quarter. We have sold, or agreed to sell, the brodalumab EU rights, Synergetics USA OEM business, and Ruconest for a total combined upfront payment of $181 million and additional consideration up to $329 million for achieving specific approval and sales milestones.

Specific to Ruconest, today the Company entered into a definitive agreement to divest all North American commercialization rights to Ruconest (recombinant human C1 esterase inhibitor) to Pharming Group N.V. Under the terms of the agreement, Pharming will pay Valeant aggregate consideration of up to $125 million, including an upfront fee of $60 million payable upon closing and certain sales-based milestone payments of up to $65 million. The transaction is subject to customary closing conditions, in addition to Pharming obtaining certain financing. Ruconest was classified as held for sale as of June 30, 2016 and an impairment loss of $199 million was recorded in the second quarter of 2016.

Cash flow from operations was $448 million in the second quarter of 2016 as compared to $411 million in the second quarter of 2015, an increase of 9% over the same period in 2015.

“We continue to make progress towards stabilizing the organization,” said Joseph C. Papa, chairman and chief executive officer. “We are also announcing a new strategic direction for Valeant today, which, at its heart has a mission to improve patients’ lives, and will involve reorganizing our company and reporting segments. I am continuously encouraged by the commitment of our employees who work hard daily, rebuilding our relationships with prescribers, patients and payors, and regaining the trust of our debt holders and shareholders.

Although it will take time to implement and execute our turnaround plan, I am confident that we will show progress in the coming quarters.”

Co reaffirms guidance for FY16, sees EPS of $6.60-7.00 vs. $6.52 Capital IQ Consensus Estimate; sees FY16 revs of $9.9-10.1 bln vs. $9.98 bln Capital IQ Consensus Estimate; continues to see Adj-EBITDA of $4.8-4.95 bln

If this stock traded at just 10x earnings, the price would be $70.

I wonder why investors are pulling funds out of the hedgies? Don’t they enjoy their brand of underperformance and the access to financial stars who regularly frequent CNBC and who are called ‘asshole greed goblins’ at iBankCoin?

Amidst a sundry of reports of pension funds opting out of hedge funds, it should come as no surprise that the number of funds in business is scheduled to decline, rightfully so.

Research firm Hedge Fund Research (HFR), in a monthly report released on Friday, counted a total of 10,007 hedge funds worldwide in July.

“Based on recent HF (hedge fund) performance and the increased challenges to launching an HF (hedge fund), we estimate that there would be a net decrease in the number of funds by YE (year end) 2016,” the Barclays report said.

Barclays’ calculations were based on a survey this year of 340 investors who had allocated $900 billion to hedge funds, making up roughly 30 percent of the industry.

From 2010 to 2015, the number of funds grew 2 to 3 percent each year. But Barclays found that 61 percent of those surveyed felt hedge funds did not meet their expectations.

Investors overwhelmingly blamed the industry’s large size for current tepid returns, with 74 percent of those surveyed saying too many managers were chasing a limited number of ideas.

No word on whether or not Bill ‘Montauk’ Ackman will be on the list, finally moving over to a family office structure.

My urinal shadows strongly suggest that I become a more sociable person, reach out to others in an effort to lessen the rage that exists in my metaphysical being. As such, I’ve taken liberties to rewrite some of the titles of some of the stuff that I’m reading on the web this evening.

Zerohedge: Morgan Stanley says BOARD THE FUCKING ARK

Daily Reckoning: The Jobs Numbers Were Bullshit and Alan Greenspan is the Devil

Reformed Broker: Degenerate Small Cappers to Outperform

Reformed Broker’s Evil Twin: The Ark Might Sink; $DB Might Float (lolz)

Calculated Risk: The Life and Death Matter of Heavy Truck Sales

Irrelevant Investor: Hey Assholes, Quit Moving the Fucking Goalposts

Mish: Russia is About to Invade the Ukraine Again

Dollar Collapse: NEGATIVE RATES WILL BLOW UP THE EARTH, Plus U.S. Treasuries Are a Fucking Illusion

Wolf Street: Spain is So Fucked

Howard Lindzon: The Case for Donald Trump and Why Hillary Clinton is an Evil Bitch

Business Insider: Hillary Mocks Trump’s Steves; Why Aren’t Any Female Steves on Trumps Economic Advisory Panel?

Marketwatch: Citi Makes the Case for Even MOAR Gains

ReCode: Walmart Bid Against Themselves Like Stupid Fucking Morons for Jet.com

The Verge: Meaningless iPhone 7 Rumors