GET GORILLA GRENADE’D

You Sir are an idiot. You walk around with your sack of banana’s and expect me to wear the monkey mask?

I will not.

Ever since the days of assholish SOUTHERN AGGRESSION, “The Fly” has been fighting for financial justice (The Fly was a money manager in all previous lives), via reading the tea leaves and eating them when done. It has come to my attention that the market is “on sale” and looks “cheap” from a “historical vantage point.” This message was relayed to me while on line at my local Whole Foods.

Thank the Lord for paper bags and organic oatmeal; I do not know what I would do without them.

As for your portfolio: Expect the government to have a hand, if you will, in furthering its demise. Let it be known, President Obama is to Wall Street what the Black Death was to Europe, circa 1348.

For electing him (not like we had a choice), all of you will get “GORILLA GRENADE’D.” I mean that in the colloquial sense, of course, as in “losing massive amounts of coin in rapid fashion.”

My current long positions are very, very stupid and I may need to sell them all, else risk losing a quick 5-10% of assets. Considering I am just 20% invested on the long side, my fears of “de-ballment” are rather grim. Nevertheless, since everyone’s demeanor is so macabre now, I am hoping the market will bounce and soon.

If not, “The Fly” shall resign himself to not giving a fuck, yet again, and kicking ugly/fat people in their stomachs, while shorting their retirement accounts to zero.

Indeud!

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The rolling disaster known as the Obama administration has fueled the fires of uncertainty, amidst a full economic collapse. You may live to tell your children about the days of The Great Economic Collapse of 2009, but the market won’t.

Everything you know about finance is useless. All of your stupid charts and asinine spreadsheets are better served lining the floors of your local garbage trucks, instead of being put to use in this market.

If you are serious about surviving this period of tumult, I strongly suggest that you heed the warnings and listen to the prodigious advice of “The Fly” aka Senor Tropicana–nd do so with great vigor.

So you know, I have open longs in TNA, WNR, CY, JRJC, GLW and ISRG. However, aside from 3% of my assets short, I have nearly 80% of my book in cash.

We are too low to short and too fucked to buy.

Trade accordingly.

I bought 2,000 ISRG @ $88.20.

Disclaimer: If you buy ISRG because of this post, someone will throw paint on your brand new mink coat. And, you may lose money.

I covered my CPT short, buying 2,500 @ $17.20.

Let’s not play games, shall we not? There will be no rally with GE in the penalty death box. There are all sorts of reasons to sell this market. However, none are as compelling as a GE failure.

On a very private level, I think the share price of GE is bewitched by demon sorcerers, who endeavor to see the end of America, via financial collapse. In the meantime, we must deal with trading ranges and other stupid things, prior to the ultimate “mushroom clouding” of American society.

Believe it or not, I executed zero trades today. As you know, I am mostly cash, so the daily fluctuations of the market are not of great concern to me. Sometime soon, I will sell out of the remainder of my SDS and DUG positions. I will keep my CPT short.

My longs consist of GLW, JRJC, WNR, CY and TNA.

In short, I expect to have my balls boxed around in any longs, until GE firms up and stops acting like it’s going out of business. My top recommendation: raise lots of cash and sit this fucker out.

Yes I know, we are 1 month behind. It’s rather fashionable to be delinquent you know.

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I have nothing to discuss with the likes of you. “The Fly” warned you there would come a day when the funnel was so narrow, those who were left long stocks would have their skulls kicked in. Ladies and Gentlemen, today was that day.

To recap:

I covered most of my shorts, with exception of a little DUG, DRR and CPT. Erroneously, I nibbled, like a steel rat inside a sugar box, at TNA. But, for the most part, I am out of the market, with more than 70% of my capital in a well deserved cash position.

All of you fuckers, who were betting against HORATIO CLAWHAMMER, got Godzilla raped today, rightfully so.

UPDATE: Pay up, Cramer.

Update II: Left wing conspiracy theory, besmirching Santelli, destroyed.

This is it. Quit loving America, for she most certainly does not love you. Sure, you love your fucking neighbors/family and that stupid lake that you used to visit when you were a kid. That’s different.

I’m talking about the idea of America. It’s dead, friend. All of the bullshit that you thought you knew is in fact NOT bullshit, if that makes any sense to you. The stewards of our money and security failed us on an epic level and now there is no turning back.

Most of the people that I meet, who are down massively, attribute their losses to “betting on America’s long term viability.” So many people are like Kudlow, bunch of jingoists, who regularly suck the pants off their respective political parties.

Take yourself out of the matrix and see what they are doing to you. Or else, the next thing you know, some zombie motherfucker will sneak up from behind and eat the brains right out from your stupid skull.

LOL UPDATE: