Midday Request

Stop talking about my penis.

Cordially,

Fly

After punching holes in the sheet rock yesterday for the SHLD disaster, immediately, I dispatched my Voodoo physician to commit heinous crimes against innocent animals to further my stock market career. As you know, I sold lots of shit, but added to one position: VCLK.

In my personal account, I own WNR, TZA and VCLK. That’s it.

As a result of his crimes, I am benefitting in a great way today, as VCLK sprints, mind you, to “fantastical” prices. The 18% surge in VCLK wipes out my SHLD losses by a factor of 2. To get my shit in order, all I need is for CVI/WNR/ALJ to do their part and smash earnings.

I am most pleased to report, I’ve dispatched my Voodoo physician, yet again, to gather up local animals, herding them into death traps for monetary gain.

As an aside, I feel the market is for shit now and is likely to shit itself on little to no news.

This may not be working. I might be looking for something that isn’t there and never will be.

Time to start looking for shorts.

Today the market crashed for me. My second largest position was manhandled, down more than 8%. That would be SHLD. And, my #1 and #4 positions, WNR and CVI, were obliterated. Words cannot describe my frustration. I am not mad, per se. Instead, I am deeply disappointed in my performance. What worse, old man Cramer nailed the refiners trade and I didn’t. The perfect time to sell was heading into VLO earnings. The fact that this trade seemed so obvious, so perfect, is what made it vulnerable to fail.

Due to the high level of leverage in my personal account, I had to trim back on my WNR positions, else risk the entirety of the account into earnings. This is not a decision that I wanted to make, but I needed to protect my assets. Over the past two weeks, my personal account has fallen from $1.3 to around 770k. This is a monumental drop, caused by an idiotic amount of leverage. However, it’s important to keep in mind that it was the same leverage that allowed me to move this account from 100k to 1mill last year.

At the end of the day, I have a lot of work to do.

Because of today’s horrific decline, I was forced to raise a significant amount of cash, selling out of a multitude of positions. Currently, my cash position is 40%+. Frankly, had I listened to The PPT, I would have sold it at $17.27 on 4/27, when it was downgraded to “sell.”

For managed accounts, I am now down for the year, having absconded all of my gains AND MORE. I will know the full extent of my stupidity within an hour or so.

Aside from my personal, I did not sell any WNR. Although I did trim back on CVI a little, the lion share of my refinery positions are intact, going into earnings. One tech name that I held onto is VCLK. As I sit here typing this shit, I am sure the powers of the universe intend to crush the shares of VCLK, just to teach me a lesson in humility. Losses do not discourage me. They really do motivate me to work harder. However, it’s the loss of time that annoys me. I just set myself back 4 months in a little less than a fucking week. To make matters worse, the market hasn’t even corrected.

In order to hedge my personal, I bought some TZA. Taking into account the pervasive move up in the general indices, I am sure it will end up a short term loss.

I bought 3,000 TZA under $35.

I sold out of all of the above, raising my cash position considerably.

Fuck this bullshit. SHLD missed by several square miles. As a result, shares are getting lit the fuck up in pre-market trade. I am taking my money and walking for the exits. I know when the game is no longer viable. This shit you see here, specific to the pinless hand grenade action in certain stocks, is a sure fire way to lose it all. The Dow is creeping higher, while select stocks and sectors are quietly getting obliterated. Next thing you know, the market corrects in earnest and those earnings bastards fall another 15-25%.

A great man once said “fuck this shit and fuck those firemen.” I could not agree more. For one, stocks have treated me badly this year. I believe it’s some sort of witchcraft that is plaguing me. I will need to make sacrifices and cleanse my spirit of whatever demons that chase me. And, secondly, for the most part firemen sit around the firehouse all day, giving each other blowjobs and cooking up fancy meals.

“The Fly” doesn’t have time for fancy meals. It’s granola bar and go. It’s 10 cups of coffee before noon, brush my teeth 20 times, and sell it all.

Granted, I’m hell bent on keeping my refinery holdings. For the sake of all that is honorable and just in this world, if the criminals who mug me at the pump every day are not banking coin, no one is. Then this whole experiment called life is a fraud and I have nothing to worry about, since I’m moving to Puma Punku anyway.

My SHLD loss will come in at around 7%. As of yesterday’s close, I was up 1.5% on the position. However, it’s the anti-climatic nature of this swing that makes me want to take a fucking howitzer, park it in the parking lot of my local K-mart, and start assaulting it with egregious volleys from hell.

As you readily know, iBankCoin is the premier destination for financial commentary. Our year over year traffic growth is in the high double digits and our swagger cannot be matched by any, including the infamous HOWARD LINDZON. At any rate, as you, the fucktarded reader from Dumbfuckville, embark on the journey of learning the culture and habits of iBC, you should know the following rules.

1. I do not accept financial advice from anyone, especially you.
2. Never side with my neighbors, in any regard, when I mention them on my blog.
3. I will ban you for looking at the screen sideways, let alone talking shit to me.
4. To date, I’ve banned more than 600 people, tossing them wildly into what I like to call “the fag box.” Please see GREG SOLOMON for details.
5. I am not interested in building site traffic, only to commit heinous acts of winship upon my many enemies.

Most finance bloggers out there have a desire to teach or procure readership and/or subscribers for their services. Well, I get all of that shit without trying, specifically because of my mystical presence and/or insanely strong pimp hand. You don’t need to concern yourself with the latter.

In short, you fuckers need to comport yourselves in a certain way, including adherence to the strictest internet dress code in existence. Failure to follow these rules will lead to rapid and immediate tracking of your IP and subsequent assault upon your persons cherished and retarded mustache.

People fear the high price of gasoline will lead to demand destruction, which is why refinery related stocks are getting smashed. Being heavily invested in the sector, I’ve been clown raped in recent weeks. There is nothing to be upset over, since stocks trade on emotion, not reason. I expect the earnings to be spectacular. However, in the short term, it may not matter.

At the present, I am up 2% on my WNR position. Due to drawdowns in other stocks, like CVI, ALJ etc, my year to date gains are withering away, with no end in sight. My choices are clear: stick with my convictions and risk castration or lighten up for the sake of longevity. The potential downside will fucking vaporize my gains, AND MORE, setting me back months of hard work. In the big scheme of things, the money was NEVER MINE in the first place. I’ve made so much money over the last 5 years, it should be illegal.

At any rate, for those of you who cannot risk it all on a singular earnings announcement, my advice to you is “don’t.”

With summer around the corner and Bin Laden dead, enjoy your youth with excessive alcohol intake, whilst eating the finest foods this planet has to offer.

I sold out north of $116.