I WANT MOAR GAINS

Just terrific earnings out of GOOG and MS. I find zero reasons to sell stocks; therefore, I shall remain committed, at an honest and respectable 130% long of my assets under management.

I am certain there are some of you out there who believe I am being reckless by utilizing leverage. Many of you are scared pigeons, flying around without beaks. “The Fly” doesn’t subscribe to courses of action that are of the cowardice vein. I want my gains and I want them to be oversized. Leave me inside Obama’s matrix, where stocks do nothing but levitate, thanks to the computer program BERNANKE.

I will enjoy gains in several stocks today, namely my largest position, YELP; which, might I add, is trading at a paltry 25x sales.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61YbN5ECVdA

In the after-hours, GOOG humiliated analysts estimates and broke the faces of short sellers in half. The stock is up more than $70, well on its way to $1,000. During yesterday’s session, I lost money by only making 0.3%. This is an unequivocal tragedia¡

Two of my top 5 positions are involved with the world wide web. YELP is trading cheaply, at just 25x sales, while TRLA trades at an astonishingly low 16x. From my mouth to God’s ears, both names will blow the barnyard doors off analyst estimates and toss subsequent short sellers, looking for a ‘quick fade’, into ‘fag boxes.’

From time to time, it’s easy to lose the faith, become fearful of losing money due to success. A great man once said: “success has defeated you.” I do not take my success lightly and will gallop towards the enemy with the same zeal as the brave soldiers who scalped to death the men who were under the command of General Custer.

I am very disappointed.  I under-performed the S&P like hot shot hedge fund managers, Einhorn and Ackman, today.  I finished up 0.3% (BASTARD YELP and BALT), giving up more than 2.5% from the morning highs. Back in the morning, I was bragging on Twitter about “making your annual salary” upon a 0.2% move in my funds. I was living high on the hog, a glutton of extreme measures. Now I’m just a John Paulson, pathetic loser, underachieving into decadence.

I missed out and will pay for my discretions.

“The Fly” has topped out today. Run for the hills.

I should have bought FPP yesterday.

I was up 2.5%, now I’m down. This is what happens when you taunt the stock Gods with boastful talk of leverage and fat faced gains.

You get them taken away, beat to the chin and eyebrows, tossed in the streets.

I like my chances here, leveraged long, very long, into Halloween. That’s right, ladies and gents, “The Fly” is leveraged long at 130% of assets, pushing the envelope as far as he can, for the explicit purposes of gluttony. I want MOAR gains and I want them now. I don’t want to wait for them to fall into my lap; I want to snatch them, like a purse–from an elderly woman  in a wheeled chair.

Don’t read any further than the next sentence. My largest positions are YELP, BALT,TRLA, MODN and NSTG.

Now get the hell out of here.

Hip-hip-hooray, the homosexuals in congress opened the government and abandoned their hopes to default on our debt. How courageous of them! They’re all heroes.

More importantly,  I want all of you to know that I’ve been drinking excessive quantities of coffee again, more so than early grey tea, believe it or not. Before you shame me with idle facts, such as: coffee is the preferred beverage of homeless men worldwide and how it dramatically lowers the dinstinguishability [sic] of the person in question. You must understand, my best returns were had during my most caffeinated moments. Ever since I switched to the earl grey, my returns softened and my will-power degradated. I rarely yelled at my underlings and I let people get away with murder.

Now that I’ve been drinking coffee again, I’ve been punching people in the face, threatening my neighbors with arson and crushing the market like a fat man atop a bag of twinkies. If I could mainline this stuff, I would. But I can’t, so I’ll settle for grotesquely large mugs of coffee, as black as the night, without sugar or effeminate creams. I accept my coffee like America likes its Presidents and criminals: decidedly black.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=piDIzwpk2h8

The markets have spoken. I am sure many of you will do the inverse of what the markets wants, for reasons unbeknownst to me.

I appreciated the theatre. Many of you are true entertainers, reminiscent of olde fashioned minstrel shows. But it’s time to get to work again, banking coin in the stock market like a thief in the night, inside of an unsecured museum of fine arts.

I was +3.2% for the session.

I upped my leverage into the debt ceiling lottery, starting a large position in HK.

At the time of this post, I am up nearly 3% for the day, thanks to some sagely stock picks (TRLA, BALT, YELP) and a little leverage.

It appears Senator Cruz will not filibuster the resolution to save the US economy from ‘the reddest hell ever.’ The net result from this retarded show of stupidity is a collapse of the republican party, split in two, with the newest branch being filled with Tea Partying gerrymanderers.

Congratulations for all of you who were disheveled with grief over our two party system. You now have a third wheel.

Barring a classic ‘sell the news’ event, I do believe we have cleared all obstacles and the market shall take the path of least resistance, which is higher.

I remain long and steadfast, while smoking my pipe filled with the remains of my archest of enemies.

I am trying to introduce a little levity into the internets of finance and you penis grabbers have ruined it by casting aspersions, defending the art of religion and discussing Nazi affairs.

Look here, friendo, if you’re unable to comport yourselves like gentlemen investors, you will be asked to leave the premises.

In the meantime, DJ Teddy Cruz is on the 1’s and 2’s today, dedicating this trendy tune to the American people.