iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,461 Blog Posts

Exerting Energy Whilst Bicycling is Stupid

All my life I’ve been doing it wrong. Riding the bicycle has been a fun avocation of mine for years — first as a boy and now as an adult. About 5 years ago I bought myself a proper mountain bike, CANNONDALE, and used it for exercise. But truthfully, I never enjoyed the whole peddling uphill ordeal, instead favoring the quick downhill spills and hairpin turns at high rates of speed.

After I returned home, I never said to myself ‘boy that was some good exercise — I should do more of that uphill shit.” The only pleasures taken from cycling was the journey and the sites and sometimes the scents of flowers and trees blossoming. I’ve never liked, nor aimed to, accomplish my fitness goals via the fucking bicycle.

This past Father’s Day, for the first time, I embarked on the ELECTRICAL BIKE experience, or some hipsters call it “e-bikes.”

SOLD IMMEDIATELY.

There’s no discussion needed or a difficult sales pitch. How much is it? Yes, I will take two, thank you.

During my e-bike journey, I could’ve smoked cigars and had martinis whilst passing BIKINGFAGS who worked really really hard until their hearts explodes. I side-eyed those fucks and said aloud “TO YOUR LEFT”, much to their chagrin. In this day and age, there’s no need to cycle like a fool. In China, most people use the e-bike to get around, casting aside their rusted old ten-speeds — because they’re stupid and antiquated.

As we get older and lose the desire to CYCLE UPHILL, there is an different way to go about it — the lazy way — the fucking e-bike, or ELECTRIC BICYCLE as gen-xers like to say.

You’re welcomed.

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23 comments

  1. natehois

    Which one did you get?

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  2. 2 wheels

    That’s awesome, never knew you were into MTB. Been my jam for a while. Also not a huge fan of uphills, but I would feel like a worthless piece of shit if I skipped them. Mountain Biking is my favorite sport because:
    a) Exciting
    b) Nature and shit
    c) I rarely need to interact with other people/morons
    d) I can piss whenever/wherever i want to
    e) I can take a break and get stoned anytime I want, which makes the experience even better

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  3. tjnyt

    We need you here dearly, please don’t fly off the handle, downhill on your e bike.

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  4. soupbone

    Seniors and RV people use e-bikes. Have you arrived early?

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    • bob smith

      Fly on a moped… LOL.

      Do you have the cool long flexible pole with a flag on the back too?

      What’s next, a motorized wheelchair?

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  5. ammy hour

    What public companies are selling e-bikes?

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  6. skulduggery

    Scott Adams already told me.

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  7. roguewave

    ‘ never had the slightest interest in long distance street biking.
    Mountain biking – much more interesting and challenging.
    On your left.

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  8. richardweiner

    This ginger haired guy is one of the leading Soros/Koch backed critical rape theorists.

    Wake up. The Fly preaches a false dogma that you should worship Satan, rape little boys, and eat soy so you grow up to like little boys like him.

    Well not today Satan. You and your fire red ginger hair. Well we all know what ginger is an anagram for.

    1776

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    • peaches

      “Soros/Koch backed”

      you make Alex Jones look like a sane individual

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    The obsession to always publicly hide your legs with waist to shoe clothing, even in almost the most uncomfortable temperatured situations is beginning to be unearthed

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    Single Mom With 4 Kids Lost Her Job But Was Able To Stay On Top By Banking Continuously $1500 Per Week With An Online Work She Found Over The Internet…
    livejumps.com

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  11. narcist

    Had to short some at 3199. This is just silly.

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