Car Fixed; Dog Broken — House Fly BTFO Again

Morning lads.

As you well know, I have my car back from the shop driving wonderfully. It feels like a brand new car. So, as nature would have it, now my dog is broken.

Over the past few days, after a brief noshing of some BBQ meat, my fucking dog has been shitting the stairs, late at night — a morning treat if you will — for yours truly. It’s liquid shit and always on the 2nd step of each landing, perhaps some fibonacci level she found to be of great interest. Last night I walked her outside for more than an hour, here and there — I walked her everywhere. Nothing.

At 4am, she entered my room, pacing back and forth, so, begrudgingly, at the vampire time of night — I took her for a walk around the neighborhood and she went — obviously an upset stomach. In my head, I hated her and hoped a larger mammal would appear and eat her — but how mad could I get at a sick animal. What am I if not a generous, empathetic, kind individual.

So then I tucked her onto the end of daughter’s bed and said “Au Revoir Shoshanna!” and attempted sleep, only to be rapidly awoken by my fire alarm system chirping without cause.

I got to sleep an hour and woke up for the kids, only to be entreated to a 2nd step filled with shit again, obviously a great emergency the whole hour my dog had alone, which I just rapaciously cleaned up and addressed.

F.M.L.