iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,617 Blog Posts

Pretty Slow Fucking Day — I Have a Headache

I spent a few hours today, incredulously, being entertained by retards on Youtube who think the earth is flat and nuclear bombs are fake and do not exist. The common denominator between the people who believe in such theories is they’re mostly disaffected fucking retards who’ve never attained higher levels of education. Bear in mind, getting a degree doesn’t make you smarter, per se, than someone with a degree — but it polishes you and provides you with the appropriate mode of thinking.

I think the whole FAKE NEWS era we live in has created a psychosis amongst so many to distrust almost everything coming out of the government. On Wall Street, we discredit and mistrust the Federal Reserve and banks — because we know for sure that they play fucking tricks with stocks and bonds and do not account for their heinous sins. For ordinary folk, they’re more fixated on shit that cannot be proven — wild theories such as “satellites don’t exist” or the planet is “flat and encased by a dome and ice”.

A more reasonable explanation, which could explain why Polaris can be seen in the Northern hemisphere and not the south — is that we’re on a fucking flat plane encased by ice on a GIGANTIC alien planet — because we’re one of their fucking science projects — like a diorama. After WW2, we started to use rockets and fly shit around — so they sent their little space men to visit us and tell us to fuck off. Since then, our alien overlords have presided over us — giving us great Presidents like Nixon and Trump. The real concern for global warming isn’t what you think. See, global warming is real and we’re melting the ice prison we’re encased in. This will lead to the end of mankind, but not in the way you think.

See, once we melt away the fucking ice caps, the giant alien planet will be exposed and then they’ll wreck us for good and erase their little science project. They probably have like 15 projects going at once — producing little tricks like moon landings and sending us their diplomats, like Bill Nye, to educate us about absolutely nothing at all.

My firm advice to you is to steer clean of hackneyed conspiracies on YouTube and greatly reduce your carbon footprint. The second that fucking ice cap cracks in half, exposing the mother planet in all of its grandeur, those fuckers are liable to send their giant spiders in here and eat all of us whole. You hear me you fucking faggots?

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29 comments

  1. lesurgeon

    God damn it, I want the one minute I spent reading this back..

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  2. acehood

    Yeah wtf Fly. Post more 4chan pro-Trump if you must, but not this tripe.

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    • Dr. Fly

      Jesus Christ — don’t you fuckers have a humor and sarcasm awareness to detect the irony of the post? If I have to explain the joke… apparently it wasn’t a good joke. I thought it was funny.

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      • sax

        I thought it was funny. But then again, I liked the Devil Dog and Mr. Hamburgalar cartoons.

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  3. it is showtime

    My ticker symbol
    when this is over

    will be

    GOD

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  4. worldinmy3y3s

    Farted after finishing this blog

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  5. s.k.

    Says the guy who thinks the moon landings were staged.

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    • Dr. Fly

      Moon landing were 100% staged. Prove we did. Oh, you can’t the fucking telemetry data in its entirety was destroyed. FUCK OFF.

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      • edge

        Seriously Fly? You’re joking- how could so many people keep a secret as big as that? Not in human nature.

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        • Dr. Fly

          Edge lord

          The lunar landing is just about common parlance for being a complete fraud by now. I really can’t debate this shit. Gives me a headache.

          Conspiracies are easy to keep secret — decompartmentlize the process. Kill off those who know the truth, like the Mother’s of astronauts, The President, His brother etc.

          Just think — why haven’t we gone back since or why hasn’t any other country tried to go? Fuck that — why haven’t we placed a god damned camera on it to watch the earth 24/7?

          Also, you might want to look into astronaut’s reactions to whether they saw stars in sky or the blackest sky they ever saw — not to mention the fact that the 1969 space craft, BROADCASTED LIVE, was literally made from tinfoil with the computer power of a calculator.

          When it’s all said and done — kill the man who directed the show.

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          • s.k.

            Buzz Aldrin will punch your stupid face for saying that nonsense.

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          • heckler

            You wanna see stars? Buzz Aldrin will punch your lights out

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          • Dr. Fly

            Buzz can suck my dick, that lying cocksucker.

            Side note: Buzz’s mom COMMITTED SUICIDE ONE YR BEFORE HE WENT TO MOON. Perfectly normal.

            And (wait for it) — her middle name was “Moon.”

            The fuck out of here.

            Side note: Earth is on a 66% tilt and travels around the sun at 66,600 mph and the SPY bottomed at 666 in 2009.

            The fuck out of here.

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          • heckler

            Calculator Brain Malfunction

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          • numbersgame

            Are you trolling us? It’s not funny because there’s too many uneducated fools that beleive this sort of crap.

            All the evidence you need about the moon landing is still on the f***ing moon: a flag, footprints, a rover, rover tracks, and the lower half of the Eagle lander.

            A) 66,600 is an estimate. What if it was 66,599 mph?
            b) Besides that, the “mile” and an “hour” are human concepts (also estimates), not cosmic constants. Heck, most of the people on THIS planet don’t even use the mile!
            C) it bottommed at 666 becuase HUMANS made that explicit decision to buy, probably out of superstition.

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        • narwhal

          Edge stop regurgitating Neil Degrasse Tyson’s rhetoric. He’s clearly a shill. It’s not a secret, which is why we’re talking about it.

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  6. heckler

    Reading Fly’s scientific theories are always funny bc he has no fucking clue what he’s talking about

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  7. edge

    Slow day indeed. My portfolio down almost 2%, but I’m not selling. Yet. I’m as levered as I wanna be so not buying, either. Yet. Yawn. I’ll decide later but I’m sure Showtime is celebrating with his best cannabis. He may be right. If so there is plenty of time to get short.
    Yeah, WTF is it with the tards on the internet? 30 years ago we had no idea how fucked up people are. I mean, we knew it was bad, but now the Salem Witch Trials seem mild comparatively.

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  8. juice

    We did get to the moon, just not on the first try, i.e. Apollo 11. And Apollo 13, which supposedly had technical issues and therefore had to abort its mission to the moon, actually landed on the moon in order to place objects, i.e. evidence of the fake successful landing, like the American Flag, at the site where Apollo 11 was to have landed, thereby completing the Apollo 11 deception.

    https://beam2eng.blogspot.com/2016/07/cr-527-discussion-of-apollo-11-and-13.html

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    • numbersgame

      Utter BS, but even if you believed that, what difference does it make?

      The whole reason people think the moon landing was fake is because they don’t believe the US was technologically advanced enough to land on the moon in 1969 (Apoloo 11). Why would anyone believe that we couldn’t have landed in 1969, but perfectly capable of doing the same thing in 1970 (Apollo 13)?

      This is like saying that you 100% doubt that I’m a millionaire, but you 100% beleive that I have $999,999 in net assets.

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      • s.k.

        As you have noticed by now logic is not a prerequisite for posting on this site.

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      • juice

        pay attention and listen up .. we, the USofA, wanted to beat the evil Russkies to the moon, to display our Obama-exceptionalism and number-oneness, however, we were not quite ready in 1969 and needed to buy more time. I know that is difficult to understand but you can do it.

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