Not Buying Anything, As Is My Constitutional Right

Everything was miserable for me today, even the taste of the coffee I made. My day was wholly ruined due to a tech malfunction at Exodus, which couldn’t be resolved because I’m in between techFAGS. I don’t want to drag any of you down into my brooding and black mood, but all is lost and buying into this horrible tape, into a miserable elections, can only lead to catastrophic results.

You’d be wise to step aside and go to cash, protect your almonds from the greatest ball busters of our time — politicians.

A GOP win means we will ravage China for the next two years. Stocks should clown punch lower.

A Democratic win might mean impeachment proceedings, risking the god damned tax cuts. Under that scenario, stocks will clown punch lower.

Either way, we clown punch lower.

I know this is a totally different take from yesterday, which makes me look partly or wholly insane, bio-polar or manic depressive. But I had a change of heart. I don’t know why — but I did. Truth is, we’re all pissing in the wind here, spitting balling it and hoping our piss doesn’t catch a breeze and spray back into our faces.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well. My money is scared, so it’ll remain indoors and protected by steel vaults.