iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
18,350 Blog Posts

Dogs Are More Important Than Humans — Bought $PETQ

I had a real life discussion with a person about dogs and how she thought they were ‘better’ than humans. She pointed out all of the horrible things humans did and then juxtaposed it against dogs running with their tongues hanging out, slobbering against the green fields in search of joy. I then described a world without humans and tried to convey the point that dogs, mind you, haven’t invented the wheel yet and that they were ‘stupid animals’, albeit sweet and charming.

This debate led to me being described as a modern day Hitler, a hater of animals and for that, ironically, I should be killed. I then said “dogs are inherently very stupid and cannot treat the flu with antibiotics — because they haven’t set up an Institute of Science yet.”

This comment was once against met with revulsion, because dogs are cute, fluffy, and interesting creatures to pet when we have idle time.

There’s a small company named PET IQ and the ticker symbol is PETQ and they profit off the ‘humanization’ of dogs — because animals are more important than humans and deserve to rule over the planet in order to save it from the scourge of mankind.

As an aside, once humans die off, dogs will be too stupid to make dog food — so PETQ will go bankrupt.

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12 comments

  1. natehois

    Why would a dog want to solve human problems though?

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  2. s.k.

    Without humans there would be no domesticated dog.

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  3. acehood

    Dogs would be fine. They’d evolve and cross breed with coyotes and wolves in order to self-sustain.

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  4. frog

    I once had a Qi Gong teacher who had recently come from China to the U.S. He would sometimes ask the class about American customs. One day he mentioned how some Americans are more upset when their dog or cat dies than when their spouse dies. The class hastened to explain to him the superiority of dogs and cats, particularly at being loving. That they don’t criticize you & don’t make many demands. They are affectionate, loyal, always in the mood to cuddle etc.

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  5. skulduggery

    The dogs are happy and peaceful because they’re fed. Don’t feed them an they’ll go Lord of the Flies soon enough.

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