iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
18,356 Blog Posts

FUTURES BUST LOOSE BECAUSE THE FLY BOUGHT 7 STOCKS TODAY — PROVE ME WRONG

Nasdaq futures are up 50 and every stockbroker, excuse me “financial planner”, I know is circle jerking over the idea of moving up the basis point ladder. Little do they know, I am coming for them with a claw-hammer and will soon spill out the remnants of their brains unto their Riskalyze care packages.

Rumor has it The Donald is fishing out a new trade deal with MUH COMMUNIST CHINA — but you and I know there truth of the matter.

I piss and defecate on the stocks Gods. I cannot be stopped. I went from 85% cash to 25% today because I wanted to make money. Because I wanted to make money, futures are now sharply higher — because the heavens and the ancient spirits work thru me.

Just today I was in Philly, gorging myself on some iced cream and Shake Shack Hammed burgers. My son was fretful it’d rain and then I posited the following statement to him, with an eloquent confidence.

“Son, I bet you my entire life, may I be struck dead here on the filthy Philly ground, that it shall not rain, not even a single drop of water, while we are walking these grounds.”

He looked at me, a bit puzzled, and then said “why would you bet your life on such a stupid thing?” And then it hit him like a 10,000 pound bag of sand: because Dad cannot lose, even if he wanted to.

I didn’t even need to answer the question, instead side-eying him with an expression that personified a careless confidence, something born out of supernatural qualities. The moment we boarded the vehicle, it began to rain. It was during that moment that my youngest son knew, with certainty, that his Father was a space alien magician.

Tomorrow, you will visit this site and bear witness to chicanery.

NOTE: I am going to set up text alerts for my trades for Exodus members soon.

DEVELOPING…

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6 comments

  1. ironbird

    Those of us with kids or not. Know one rule. You will never wake up the kid until getting beat to a pulp by a fucking mob of them. So is life. We exist. “We”.

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  2. schizo178

    LOL….. errrr….. you are wrong ? hahahahhaaah

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  3. wubba wubba

    Look at the futures. You have been proven wrong. Like you usually are.

    Wubba Wubba Woo Woo

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  4. mrcharlie

    Le Fly the stock shaman wielding his voodoo upon the erf and the markets lolol you crazy fucker luv this shit

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  5. metalleg

    No worries Fly. I’ve got the FAZmobile ready to go…oil change, new tires, full tank of gas, and I just had her detailed. Just say the word….

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