iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,428 Blog Posts

Futures Blast Off On Trump-China News — Crisis Hits Le Fly

News of Trump positioning himself sideways to suck Chinese dick has futures trading merrily this evening, up 90.

But I have more pressing news to discuss with the lot of you.

I just got done preparing beef chili and before I placed the top on — I moved the pot to better position atop the flame. Since it was angled wrong, the fucking handle was like a cauldron of molten steel and it melted my index finger like a wax candle when I touched it. For normal people, this isn’t a big deal. You either place some lotion on it, or cut the fucker off — being that you have 9 more fingers. But with me, King of the Bloggers, Champion of the People, Titan of Trade, I only type with two fingers — an index finger per hand — like I’m Dick Tracy fixing up a wrap sheet. So now, without the use of my left index finger, I find myself typing with my middle finger and I rather enjoy it.

As a point in fact, I might just type with both middle fingers, although I admit it might look odd when in public — me hammering into the computer with two middle fingers like a 1950s Dick Tracy pissed the fuck off at some sort of trade gone wrong. People might start to think I am mad.

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17 comments

  1. ferd

    Get a topical silver compound on that.

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  2. moosh

    Nah, go full charge. Most fingers are useless, really. Le Fly needs a crypto pirated hook.

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  3. heckler

    Stamping out bloggeries with both middle fingers. That’s fucking funny!

    You guys hate the Mexicans but I’m telling you it’s the god damned Chinese that are our problem now. Fuck China!

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    • Lyndon Keltner
      Lyndon Keltner

      Why not both?

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      • moosh

        Exactly, but if you were given a magical pill that allowed you to know and speak one language, what would it be?

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  4. wubba wubba

    So the fingers you pleasure yourself with are also being used to type. Hopefully not in that order.

    Regards

    Wubba Wubba Woo Woo

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  5. Lyndon Keltner
    Lyndon Keltner

    @Fly

    I do actually remember the iBC classics/originals like Ducati and JakeGint from the pre-Lehman days. They were quite fucking awesome.

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    • ferd

      Jake Gint had a decent hard drive, but a defective processor. I am not surprised that you admired him.

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      • Lyndon Keltner

        He’s a “conservative” with a sense of humor, i.e., a rare breed.

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  6. flyaway17

    It’s ridiculous that you can only “hunt and peck” on a keyboard. Back in the 1970s we were required in high school to take Typing. Of course back then that skill came in handy when using a type writer in college. Most kids can’t type, can yours? Oh, and feel better. Next time use an oven mitt no matter what.

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  7. fryguy15

    Our le creuset cookware has damn near burned my hands off several times. I’m sure the SOXS burns more tho

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  8. ironbird

    Cooking with hot and sharp shit. Is what it is.

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  9. rigged game

    Is that good-looking young secretary a good typist?

    Nah. She’s always a huntin’ pecker.

    Speaking of peckers: Grinning jackoff Jack Hough (Barron’s)
    was on CNBC this A.M. extolling the virtues of stock buybacks.
    With the market at record highs- where the stockholders get
    nothing but more overpriced paper. The last record buyback year was 2007. How did THAT work out?

    Why don’t cash-laden companies pay more CASH dividends?
    Why were they not buying stocks in other companies in 2009,
    like F at $1 per share and Citicorp at $3?

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