iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
17,978 Blog Posts

RIP Aubrey McClendon: I’m Buying Your Company Now

Several years ago the former founder of CHK drove directly into a brick wall at 100mph. The coroners concluded it was NOT a suicide, in spite of the fact that Aubrey was facing a decade in prison for fuckery largess.

“He pretty much drove straight into the wall,” Balderrama said on March 2, according to NBC affiliate KFOR. “The information out there at the scene is that he went left of center, went through a grassy area right before colliding into the embankment. There was plenty of opportunity for him to correct and get back on the roadway and that didn’t occur.”

Since then, his company has suffered mightily, due to its highly leveraged balance sheet and struggling price of crude.

All of that is about to change, now that I bought the company.

Effective immediately, “The Fly” is in charge of Chesapeake Energy. I expect those barrels to be filled with a fuckload of oil and the workers in the field, 24 hours per day, toiling away to increase shareholder value. If not, I will shut the company down and everyone will have to live off welfare.

GET TO WORK (snaps whip).

This morning the company reported BETTER THAN EXPECTED results. We have the best oil companies, don’t we folks?

Chesapeake Energy beats by $0.05, beats on revs (2.63)
Reports Q4 (Dec) earnings of $0.30 per share, $0.05 better than the Capital IQ Consensus of $0.25; revenues rose 24.6% year/year to $2.52 bln vs the $1.26 bln Capital IQ Consensus.

Average 2017 production of approximately 547,800 barrels of oil equivalent (boe) per day, up 3 percent compared to 2016 levels, adjusted for asset sales; oil production up 11 percent in 2017 fourth quarter compared to 2016 fourth quarter, adjusted for asset sales.
2018 Outlook

Projected 2018 capital expenditures program of approximately $1.975 – $2.375 billion, down 12 percent compared to 2017 levels, using midpoint.

Total 2018 production, adjusted for asset sales, expected to grow approximately 3 percent year-over-year, using midpoint; oil volumes adjusted for asset sales, expected to grow by approximately 5 percent compared to 2017 levels, using midpoint.

I stepped into the stock sideways, looking at the shares higher by 15% for the session. The rationale was and is simple: we are looking for much higher prices. By “we”, I mean it in the most royal way possible. You’d be wise to speak as I do, especially at cocktail parties and during charitable venues. It throws people off-guard, forcing them into spiraling identity crises.

On the matter of oil, it is my belief House Trump and House Saud struck an accord earlier this year to walk the price of crude inexorably higher. Following the arrest and seizures of personal wealth inside the Saudi Royal family, we’ve seen the price of crude steadily increase. This bodes well for Trump, who will then shill for more oil jobs — succoring Americans into a false sense of security that all will be well once we keep drilling for the black gold. Truth is, you can suck all of the black gold dick in the world and it would have no affect on the price of crude in the interim, as that is quite literally controlled by OPEC — which is controlled by House Saud — which circles back to us.

It is a fucking tax, people.

Top picks: FTK, ESV, CHK and CLF.

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24 comments

  1. sarcrilege

    Q: where/how does the gold backed oil yuan futures contract fit into this?

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    • tonka

      Old world: yuan –> USD –> oil –> USD –> yuan

      New world: yuan –> oil –> yuan

      Hard to have a strong opinion over simplifying currency exchange.

      We’re not going to have to FX! Surely the world will end!!!

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      • numbersgame

        Hard to see how it matters much in the digital age where it is just numbers on the screen with no physical exchange of cash.

        Note that in the “old world”, the trade created a demand for dolalrs to buy the oil, but ***also a supply*** of dollars when oil contracts are sold/shorted. I’m sure Russia and Iran will sell physical oil in yuan to China, so that’s not an issue, either

        The real power in the USD comes when they give “helpful” dollar-denominated loans to emerging nations, with nautural resoruces as collateral. No different than when a bank gives someone a variable interst subprime mortgage, then takes the house when they can’t pay.

        You guys do know that the whole reason Iran hates us, and we hate Iran, is because Iran nationalised their previously western-owned oil industry, right? Everything else (including state-sponsored terrorism) came later.

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        • sarcrilege

          It matters because the current trade in crude/USD was/is “something for (((nothing)))”. The hope is to get “something for something”. Note I said “hope”.

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          • numbersgame

            something for something….on a 50-year timeline, do you want USD or yuan?

            China is aging too rapidly to maintain their economic status. Remember when Japan was going to be #1?

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          • sarcrilege

            Valid point. But I am ready for some change and to see something honest at least for a while in my lifetime to shake things up. Commodity for commodity. I am open to crypto backed by anything – oil, wheat, coal, … and crypto-currency by gold… just tired of this thin-air (((bullshit))) debt financing nothing much of value other than endless wars, destruction, marxism and social engineering.

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          • numbersgame

            What about crypto backed by labor?

            Currently, that’s basically what ICOs are: you give your money, and you’ll receive a gift-certificate for services or products in the future. Of course, ICO’s aren’t exchangeble for services from other companies, only from the originators.

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          • sarcrilege

            I dont understand ICO that much. If the grid stays up, I could see blockchain as an excellent tool for clearing barter contracts negotiated on any scale. Global, direct bartering market which basically trading one crypto for another one is w/o the underpinning goods, no?

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        • Po Pimp

          Saudi Arabia nationalized their previously western-owned oil industry as well, but we still suck their dicks even though they helped kill 3,000 Americans 16.5 years ago.

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  2. ferd

    In ESV too. Consider NE as well.

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  3. moonshot

    Aubrey did a lot to develop Oklahoma City. The side deals he was always making definitely raised a lot of eyebrows. I think it’s not all that uncommon in the oil well business though.

    I do admire his entrepreneurial spirit though. I was told a story by a former employee that a key part of that business is getting drilling rights from landowners, and while it is public information at the courthouse who owns the land, it is a lot of time and work to research who owns a given plot you’re interested in.

    Somehow Aubrey struck a deal with the courthouse and set up trailers right outside with high speed scanning equipment and instead of the normal process of asking for the deed for a specific plot, Chesapeake was allowed to take all the deeds in bulk out to his trailers and got copies of everything. This allowed them to be much faster than competitors in finding out who they needed to negotiate with for drilling rights.

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    • Po Pimp

      CHK was (and maybe still is) notorious for not paying their bills. Everyone hated working for those fucks.

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      • moonshot

        That may have to do with the boom/bust nature of the business cycle in oil. Downs and contract when times are good, but when times turn bad they may not have been able to pay the piper.

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        • moonshot

          *Spend and contract

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        • Po Pimp

          It was 2010 / 2011 when this was happening. Not exactly dark days for the oil patch. Of course that was back when NG was getting the shit kicked out of it and CHK was primarily a NG company.

          Doesn’t change the fact that CHK was a bunch of dumbass retard faggots.

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  4. numbersgame

    So AAPL was taken out a few weeks ago after earnings.
    FB also had solid, but disappointing earnings and was summarily executed.
    GOOG seems to be performing on par with the Qs.

    However, the most worrying development among the FAANGs has to be NFLX. It performed strongly out of the gate this year, and even held up well during the correction. However, it now looks to be forming a double-top (next week will provide confirmation). AMZN is in the same situation, facing $1500. If these two high-beta, astro-PE stocks aren’t leading, then that signals a clear sector-leadership rotation which in turns means a new stage – if not the ending of – the current bull market.

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    • og

      But AMZN is basically hitting ATH yesterday and today. A little early to say the end of the bull market no?

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      • numbersgame

        Yes, it deserves more of a “watch these stocks” rather than “look what happenned” spin, but I’m biased against stocks that still have triple-digit PEs well after their high-growth stage has ended.

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  5. soupbone

    Cushing inventory circa Nov ’17 @64. Cushing now @30 million. A drop by half. This isn’t being talked about…odd.

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  6. fukflyinhisass

    no 1 is reading this shit you useless faggot ,

    cept for the 5 or 6 butt buddies of yours

    fuk you fly

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    • acehood

      BANNED!

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    • Cricket

      “By “we”, I mean it in the most royal way possible. You’d be wise to speak as I do, especially at cocktail parties and during charitable venues. It throws people off-guard, forcing them into spiraling identity crises.”

      Au Contraire. We are reading your articles with great interest; one never knows when one may prosper quite handsomely indeed …

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    • numbersgame

      it’s hilarious when people post on a blog to the blog owner, “you aren’t important.”

      As Fly’s blog is part entertainment, I’m in favor of leaving the court jesters with posting ability intact, just as long as they don’t clog up the comments section.

      Send in the clowns!

      Also this question to the poster: logically, you would have no reason to call Fly a faggot unless you read his posts to make that judgment. But if no one reads his posts except for his butt buddies, what does that make you? No need to answer as your screenname says it all.

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  7. cancel19

    $CHK saved my portfolio today. That is something I thought was impossible.

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