iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,419 Blog Posts

FUTURES SOFTEN: LET’S GET READY TO TUMBLE

I don’t know what I’m all excited about — but down futures warms my heart like a recently microwaved blanket. Nasdaq futures are down 11 and Dow -40. What the fuck are you retards doing these days? Why haven’t any of you compared your awesome investment skills to mine or asked why I’m so proud about having HMNY on my books, down $4 from my basis?

What about FIZZ? What of the FIZZ? Isn’t it overvalued? Am I out of my fucking gourd being long DRIP and RUSS? After all, the Russians make good stuff — you know that.

How about my dearly and beloved Exodus that I shill here all the time? Isn’t that fancy pants software nothing more than a glorified Finviz, or what some might call Finviz with a god damned heart, soul and brain?

I’ll be adding some new tools to Exodus soon, so most of you lazy ham and eggers could ignore them and simply glean stock picks off the Pelican Room stream.

How do you live with yourselves?

The dollar is up 0.5% and I must admit that I am a bit saddened by the lack of alpha in these comments sections. Back in the old days, when I was a softer man, I’d run out and email Jeremy to ban you motherfuckers from the site because you looked at me sideways.

Look, we even went through the trouble of creating an elaborate IP catcher tool that would redirect you from the site onto a Greg Solomon video of my choosing.

Check it out. I promise you will laugh.

Fun fact: that video used to trigger the fuck out of Chart Addict, who hated Mr. Solomon for reasons a rational man could not explain.

At any rate, I’m a tad hungry now and need to be jogging on, toiling through the night on developing investment strategies, whilst FEEDING myself foods of the highest order.

Good night and fuck off.

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3 comments

  1. ironbird

    Manson the original Libtard is dead. The tape could feel the lose of such an upstanding leader of the community of Commie baby killers. Never know.

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  2. sarcrilege

    That vid could put an insomniac to sleep. Now I want my 3min of life back.

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  3. moonshot

    You microwave your blankets? Isn’t that a fire hazard?

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